Sleeping Should Be Easy

How to survive the newborn stage

Nina May 10, 2013 14 Comments

Some people are “baby” people; I am not one of those. The newborn stage feels more like survival mode, and I’ll easily take a toddler tantrum over a night of sleep deprivation. Thankfully this isn’t my first experience with caring for a newborn and am able to remind myself that it truly does get easier. Yet every time I hear someone say they have an “easy” baby, or see parents of older kids able to frequently enjoy a night out as a couple, or feel like my life is a cycle of putting babies to sleep, I remember why the newborn stage isn’t all it’s cracked out to be for me.

For one thing, I can’t stand the shrill newborn cry that two out of my three kids have cursed me with. Thankfully one of the twins actually has a pretty cute cry that sounds like he’s saying, “Okay! Okay!” but my other two kids go from zero to 60 in the loudest, piercing cry imaginable. That is why I can sit in a perfectly quiet room and swear that I’m hearing baby cries in my head because they have practically imprinted their sounds in my head.

Then there’s the wobbly head that requires constant support, leaving you virtually hand-less to do anything productive around the house. I remember my older son holding his head on his own being a turning point in my newborn tolerance.

And of course, the sleep deprivation. I was never one to function well on anything less than eight hours of sleep, and I’m literally out of my mind during the nighttime wake ups.

With all the hardships of newborn parenting, how can you cope and make it out alive?

Find entertainment

Use that smart phone to stay awake during nighttime feedings. When I’m barely able to keep my eyes open, I use my iPhone to watch movies and TV shows, play games, check my email and log on to Facebook.
Take the baby for a stroll. Most babies (I say most because my older son was not one of these) quickly conk out when taken for a stroll. I would often walk to the mall, the park or simply around the neighborhood for a guaranteed nap. Plus, the exercise raises your happiness levels, which is much needed when you’re a newborn grump like me.

Catch a break

If your partner has time off, have him take the baby out of the house for a good chunk of hours so that you can be alone at home and remember what your house felt like without all the madness. My husband and I take turns taking the babies to each of our moms’ houses so the other can enjoy the house to himself or herself.
Better yet, enlist a babysitter (or three, in my case!) to sleep over your house while you and your partner check in to a hotel for a full night’s sleep. We planned such an outing recently when my husband and I dined at a fancy restaurant and slept in a hotel down the street from our house and left the nighttime wakings to our family.

Reset your expectations

Make chores a lower priority. As grating as a non-vacuumed floor and a toy-cluttered play area may be, ease up on chores and stick to the daily tasks. Or set up a system where you deep clean, but perhaps not as frequently as before. Everyone who enters your home will understand why there is a changing pad next to the coffee table and baby blankets strewn all over the floor.
Try to stay home for a month to rest. With my older son’s birth, the shock of not being able to do simple things like go to the grocery drove me mad. This time around, I made it a point to stay home for several weeks, alleviating the frustration of not being part of the outside world for a while. “It’s temporary,” I told myself, and it’s true.
Lessen or modify your cooking methods. I thought I could get away with cooking during the newborn days so long as the recipes were quick, and while sometimes we were able to pull it off, most days we were better off with an alternative. That meant maybe only having one or two recipes a week. Or relying on quick meals like pasta and a jar of marinara sauce or tortillas and cheese for a quick quesadilla. Cooking (and the cleanup!) can take up a chunk of time, and unless this is your escape, leave it for down the line when the baby isn’t so demanding.

Get organized

Make a list of the different ways you sooth your baby and hang it to the wall. When a baby cries in the middle of the night and you’re barely able to open your eyes, you’ll want a cheat sheet of your soothing methods handy so that you don’t have to think too hard about what to do.
Stick to a routine. Bathing our twins and putting them down for the night has been pretty much the same for the last several weeks. Best not to change things up too often if something works to save you time.

I’m two months in the newborn stage and somehow making it out alive. Some moments are utter madness, such as this morning when one of the twins kept waking up crying every time I set him down for a nap (so much for drowsy but awake!). Other moments actually seem peaceful, such as now when they’re both asleep and my toddler is playing with his dad (and hence a chance to post on my blog).

Slowly life is resuming to a new normal, even with two newborns on board.

How do you cope during the newborn stage?

newborn, parenthood

What are you proud of today?

Nina April 15, 2013 15 Comments

I’m in the throes of the dreadful colic stage—both twins decided to fuss, cry and otherwise refuse to sleep for the last two hours or so. My husband and I have been playing tag team, switching between babies trying to pacify their loud cries. And after all that effort to comfort and finally quiet them down, they cry right back up again in literally three minutes. It hasn’t been a fun evening.

In the face of all these seemingly endless failures, it’s easy to feel like nothing ever gets done. After all, the house is strewn with changing pads and burp rags, dinner is a struggle to cook, and babies don’t always nap despite the many frustrating attempts to help them do so.

That’s why I try to remind myself of what I am proud of. For instance, the other day, I decided to challenge myself and give both babies a bath and feed them at the same time… all by myself. I hadn’t done this yet, but the feeling of accomplishment that ensued was so gratifying.

The accomplishments can even be simpler. Sometimes squeezing in a nice long shower is in itself something to proud of. Or being able to vacuum a room. Or waking up a tad bit earlier to enjoy a cup of tea.

Another time, I was proud of myself for finally being able to take my older son out for a treat, even if it was just for banana bread and hot chocolate at Starbucks. I also remember feeling proud when I took the same then-infant son out on a stroll all by myself without any fiasco.

I know in parenthood, days can sometimes feel like they’re filled with failures. Unlike most other jobs, parenting kids is never-ending. Just when you’ve succeeded in finally putting a baby down for a nap or calming a tantruming two-year-old, you know you’ll eventually have to deal with the same challenge again, and perhaps without much success.

And so it’s in these times that I encourage you to keep in mind what you’re proud of today. From grand achievements to small victories, remember the positive aspects of what you’re able to accomplish, and you’ll realize just how far you’ve come along.

What are you most proud of today? What challenges did you take and end up feeling great for doing so?

newborn, parenthood

motivation

How to help your child adjust to a new sibling

Nina March 24, 2013 9 Comments

I was a little concerned: I had underestimated the effect that bringing two newborns would have on my three-year-old. Sure, the first day was fine—the twins seemed like a novelty, and it was fun to have visitors over. But then he realized that the babies weren’t going anywhere, that mom and dad have less time for him, and his life was changing, from having to be quiet to learning how to do a ton of tasks on his own now. The result? My preschooler started acting up.

I kept telling myself his behavior is temporary and completely normal, but my waning patience coupled with sleep deprivation did little to make me feel better. For instance, some of the ways he acted up included:

Shrieking and crying like a newborn baby
Contradicting what we would say
Dragging himself through his chores and tasks
Talking back and being rude to other people
Demanding that a crying baby leave the room

Where had the little boy who would so sweetly kiss my pregnant belly gone? The boy who so looked forward to being a big brother? I often heard that regression and acting up were normal for kids; in fact, many of you advised that in time, he’ll accept these new changes in his life and actually love and enjoy his brothers. And so, my husband and I did our best to plug on through what we thought would help our son adjust to his new siblings. Here’s what we did:

Pick your battles

Most of children’s antics are impulsive, so however annoying your kid’s latest skirmish may be, know that he isn’t doing so on purpose. He’s simply responding to the changes in his environment in ways he can. Don’t expect your child to articulate his growing frustration, jealousy, and hurt feelings over the dinner table; instead, expect outbursts, nagging and plenty of other attention-getting behavior.

That said, you may want to loosen up a bit on the rules around the house and pick your battles. While you still need to stand your ground and help your child thrive by providing boundaries, pick those limits so that only the most important rules hold steadfast. It isn’t pleasant being told ‘no’ or ‘be quiet’ all the time. Just a warning though: this takes a ton of patience. There were plenty of moments when I wanted to—and sometimes did—snap at him, and I just had to put myself in his shoes and realize that he’s being a real trooper taking all of his in.

Spend one-on-one time with the older kids

I noticed a vast difference in the days when I was able to exclusively spend one-on-one time with my older son and the days when I wasn’t able to. Since I breastfeed the twins, I’m simply not able to be with him as much as I’d like, but even a few minutes of one-on-one time has helped tremendously. For instance, we’ll take a quick walk around the block, or I’ll give him a bath and put him to bed.

Read books about new babies

As with any major changes in a child’s life, books help children better understand their new family dynamic and encourage discussion that may be difficult for them to voice. See a list of recommended books about welcoming a new baby here.

Highlight the cool things big kids can do that babies can’t

Just when everything seems to be all about baby—from visitors cooing over the little one to less time and attention—your older child will benefit from being reminded how awesome it is being a big kid over a baby. For instance, big kids get to run and play, talk, draw, eat yummy food, and so many other enjoyable aspects of his life that his new sibling just isn’t able to do yet.

Encourage your older child to help with baby duties

With her new role as big sister, your older child can feel more responsible, independent and proud for being able to help take care of her new sibling. Include her in tasks such as throwing away diapers, fetching towels, and soothing the baby. Doing so will remind her that she’s still very much a part of the family even with a new baby around.

I’m happy to report that my older son has made tremendous strides with welcoming not only one but two new siblings into his life. He now doesn’t mind when the babies cry, has taken an active role in playing and taking care of his brothers, and enjoys one-on-one time with me and my husband.

As I mentioned, this wasn’t always the case, as the first two weeks proved pretty rough. And while he may still act up once in a while, I try to remind myself just how much he is going through and act accordingly, helping him adjust to his new role as big brother.

What tips have worked for your older child with welcoming new siblings?

behavior, newborn, preschooler, siblings

From first-time mom to second: What I’m doing differently this time around

Nina March 14, 2013 12 Comments

I can’t help but feel bad for first-born children—they’re often the guinea pigs of new parents learning on the job. Even now, as a preschooler, my son teaches me the challenges of each age and stage as we now traverse through uncharted three-year-old territory. Meanwhile, his younger brothers benefit from a bit of been-there-done-that mentality, especially as I note which methods have worked, and which ones I swore I would never do again.

What I’m doing differently this time around

Feeding on demand
With my older son, I struggled with breastfeeding not so much because of the physical pain, but because I felt solely tied down to a task that requires constant interruption with little breaks in between. As such, I didn’t feed him on demand.

And I still wasn’t planning on feeding the twins on demand until their pediatrician suggested doing so, given their preemie status. And what do you know: it’s not as bad as I imagined. For one thing, these kiddos are (so far) good sleepers and tend to sleep in three-hour stretches. I also now understand the benefit of feeding on demand at this age, considering that my little guys need to pack on the pounds and almost always fuss about hunger and not much less. And of course, I realize that this is all temporary, and whatever frustration I felt in my first pregnancy regarding breastfeeding is tempered by my knowledge that it’ll all fly by relatively quickly.

Plus we’re still somewhat feeding on schedule since the boys need to eat no longer than every three hours. So we’re doing a bit of both.

Putting the baby down drowsy but awake
I now get to test out the ubiquitous advice of putting the baby down drowsy enough to invite sleep but awake enough so that he learns to fall asleep on his own (and won’t freak out when he wonders why he’s not in someone’s arms anymore but in the bassinet).

Amazingly, both boys yet again have done well with this method. Of course there are moments when they fall asleep in someone’s arms or by nursing before being set down, but generally they’ll settle themselves to sleep without needing to be in deep sleep.

Putting the baby flat on his back
My first son never liked sleeping flat on his back. In fact, I had to sort through early photos of him sleeping on his back to prove that he had at one point done this, because for the remainder of his infancy until we sleep trained him, he required different methods and contraptions to fall asleep, from wedges to swings to infant seats that curled him into a ball.

This time around, the twin boys are almost always flat on their backs, especially at nights when there isn’t anyone there to hold them all those hours.

Having them nap in different parts of the house
I had always envied kids who would be simply lying down on the couch when—bam!—their eyes close and they’re down for a nap. With my older son, we weren’t too flexible with sleeping places and usually placed him in a swing or eventually his crib to fall asleep. This meant that if we were out and about, no amount of rocking would yield a nap, and he wasn’t able to fall asleep just anywhere.

So far, the twin boys have slept in their bassinets, pack-and-play, cribs, the floor, the couch, in people’s arms… you name it.

Relaxing a bit more and worrying a lot less
I remember feeling so tied down with my first baby, to the point where if I wanted to grab a tissue from the next room, I felt I couldn’t leave him even though he was perfectly safe where he was. I’m a whole lot emotionally able to care for the twins too, despite there being two of them, because I remind myself that whatever discomforts or inconveniences we’re experiencing are but temporary. My expectations are also much lower; with my first, I beat myself up for not having a clean house or not finishing the novel that I would normally read through in a week and instead has taken me months.

And perhaps because I had planned for two kids, or rather, two pregnancies, I also realize that this could very well be the last time I hold newborns in my arms, and the last time my husband and I can roll our eyes at the sleep deprivation that only newborn parents can attest to. Never say never, but I’m holding onto these experiences as (mostly) precious instead of yet another milestone or stage to hurdle over.

What did you learn from being a first-time mom that you applied to your other kids? What would you do differently after having gone through being a parent to your first child that you would do with subsequent kids?

parenthood

new mom

Quick update: The twins are here!

Nina March 7, 2013 36 Comments

I’m excited to announce that the twins are here! I’ve been meaning to write a proper post but two other reasons (three including my older son) have taken up my time.

Still… When I received an email from blogger buddy Betty from My Friend Betty Says checking in, I figured I should update you on the good news as well. Especially considering the less than good news I had been posting recently regarding cholestasis and friends, I just wanted to reassure you that all is well with me and the babies.

So, some updates:

The boys are healthy and despite being preemie twins, were able to come home with us.
I don’t know what’s worse: sleep deprivation the last few weeks of a twin pregnancy (coupled with complications) or the sleep deprivation the first few weeks after the twins are born. I’d put my money on post delivery, but that may be because of selective memory and living in the moment!
The PUPPPs rash came back slightly, grr. It’s supposed to taper off after a week.
Labor and delivery deserve their own posts, but in summary, we were apparently the celebrities at the hospital because of the twin vaginal delivery, all my complications, and other complications post delivery.
Life with two newborns can kick the crap out of any mom. Even with three adults in the house it’s not enough.
I’m trying to rest as much as I can. I remind myself that I’m also in need of help and recuperating and that I’m not in a place to care for other people.
My older son is reacting normally, meaning bouts of excitement along with plenty of patience-testing and regression. He’s even very poetic and says that he wants to be a baby that will turn into a bird and fly. It’s amazing to see him kiss his brothers’ toes and at the same time frustrating when he’s all but beng unreasonable.
Emotionally I’m much better off this time around than my first pregnancy. I suppose it’s because I know what to expect.

Right now my older son is yelling at the top of his head while my husband is maintaining his calm somehow with him. Unbelievably the two babies are sleeping through all of this. Our dishwasher is broken, my back hurts and I’m getting sleep in 25-minute increments.

Still… I’m blessed that my babies were born with nothing wrong with them, their lungs fully developed and having passed all the newborn tests. So life is still good. Even at 3:30 in the morning.

I’ll post again soon enough when sleep allows

admin, newborn, twins

5 reasons why I suck at being a mom sometimes

Nina February 28, 2013 20 Comments

I’ve had my fair share of mom-fail moments in the three short years I’ve been one, from dragging my tantrum-throwing kid on the floor to yelling at him during bath time. And while we learn from these experiences, I’ve learned that challenges never really stop, and instead simply evolve depending on the current circumstances. Take, for instance, some recent episodes where I sucked at being a mom:

I got frustrated at my son for having poop accidents.

All the parenting books advice you not to get upset when kids have potty accidents because doing so might lead to regression, shame and confusion among others. Instead of frustration, wise parents are supposed to react matter-of-factly or perhaps change their strategy.

But poop is gross. Cleaning it is gross. And it seems so darn easy to just poop in the potty, especially when he’s done it several other times in the past, that why he’s pooping in his undies can baffle even the best of moms. So I got frustrated.

And here’s where I earn a mom fail, because how we react does matter. Bowel movements are personal, especially at this young of an age, and we can’t simply vent frustrations on someone trying to learn.

So now I tried a new method. We had been telling him to tell us when he had to pee or poop, but sometimes he’s playing alone in his room, or we’re too far away for him to run and fetch us. Instead, we now tell him that if he needs to use the potty, that he should just run to the bathroom and yell out, “Poop!” or “Pee!”, guaranteeing that we’ll hear him and meet him in the bathroom. And what do you know—no poop accidents since then.

I look forward to my kid’s bedtime.

I know I’m supposed to miss my kid, especially when I’m not even a stay-at-home mom. But I’ve been guilty—many times—of being bored out of my mind and sneaking glances at the clock just counting down the minutes until his bedtime. Perhaps it’s the fatigue from a long day (whether at work or at home with him), the responsibilities of taking care of him, or just wanting a moment of peace that doesn’t involve kid conversations (you know what I’m talking about), but there have been many days when I just can’t wait until he’s out of my sight.

I felt inconvenienced when my kid was sick.

Part of my son going to preschool involves acclimating ourselves to germs, aka getting sick a lot, and that’s exactly what happened those first few weeks. My son came down with fevers, colds and coughs that, while I was concerned about his health of course, elicited more of an inconvenience on my part. Talk about major mom fail for thinking, “Oh man, one of us has to stay home with him now.”

Even now, monitoring the twins’ well-being, however important it is considering my cholestasis, has me rolling my eyes at the thrice-weekly doctor appointments I have to go to.

Thankfully my kiddo has now been immunized and fits right in with his fellow germ-infested friends at school, so getting sick hasn’t been a frequent occurrence, but I still feel guilty for considering my own conveniences along with his health.

I ignored my son’s coughs at night.

Thanks to my pregnancy complications, I’m running on two hours of sleep. I’m exhausted. Still, those are but excuses I make for not at least offering the kiddo some water when he’s hocking up a lung coughing at night. Instead, what did I do? I tuned it out and hoped that he’ll eventually fall back asleep. Mom fail!

I speed-read through story time.

On most nights, I love reading to my son. We read slowly, I point out characters, I ask questions and answer his as well. Heck, I even use different voices. But again, there are those times when there have been one too many questions asked, where we’ve been on the same page for the last three minutes, and I’m speed-reading through his books, skipping sentences and brushing aside his questions with a quick, “yeah…”

It’s a bit embarrassing admitting all this, but cathartic and amusing as well. Not a single one of us is perfect, and these are but a few of the many times I’ve been less than stellar in the mom category. I’m only reassured in the fact that I’m mostly okay, that these incidents are but a small percentage, and that thankfully children are some of the most forgiving people. Especially when it comes to skipping practically half of The Lorax.

What are some examples of when you had a mom fail?

parenthood

6 ways to prevent your toddler from killing your baby

guest contributor February 25, 2013 5 Comments

The following post is written by Danielle from Keeping Up with the Holsbys.

I have marveled many times about the fact that second children are ever conceived, in light of the fact that first children really play havoc with your sex life, but something I have observed in the last 9 months, is that it’s a miracle our second children make it to their first birthdays.

It’s generally not that our first child is malicious, but more inclined to love the new baby a tad fiercely.

I’ve fished whole almonds from my toothless newborn’s mouth, pulled stuffed toys off her sleeping head and saved her from many a cuddle that a World Wrestling Federation pro would be proud of, all simply because her big brother just wants to be near her and get all up in her face with love.

Here are a few little guidelines to helping your new baby reach his first birthday, and to grow robust enough to fight his older sibling off

1) Reduce opportunity.
It’s very important for the siblings to have bonding time, but for the safety of your wee one, you really should endeavor not to leave them unattended with the toddler.

I’m not talking about leaving the toddler to babysit while you go to the casino. I mean, even having a quick shower.

Toddlers do not understand that pieces of Lego are not tasty snacks but indeed choking hazards.

Due to the youngest child being the most vulnerable and having the least mobility, I find them easier to corral in the bathroom/kitchen/bedroom and keep a close eye on matters.

Once again, you’re seriously looking at another couple of years before you can safely have a little relax on the toilet on your own.

2) Keep baby’s bedroom door shut.
Toddlers are, by their very nature, curious creatures, so they are all over a sleeping baby like a sugared kid on a Hershey bar. As a mother of a new baby, there is nothing more annoying than your toddler constantly waking up your baby, yet it will inevitably happen. All the freakin’ time. There will be noise and there will be tears and there will be little elephants stomping up the hall outside the baby’s room—this much is pretty well unavoidable. If the door is closed, however, what you can avoid is the toddler climbing into the cot, putting toys in the cot or smothering the baby with blankets and love.

3) Do not entrust your toddler to keep an eye on the baby.
Only an idiot would leave their 9-month-old sitting on a bed and ask their toddler to ensure she didn’t roll or nose dive off the edge, whilst they quickly popped to another room to grab something. This hypothetical idiot should not be at all surprised to discover that with no supervision a toddler may think it’s a prime opportunity for bed trampoline Olympics, thereby bouncing their baby sister onto the thankfully very plush carpet.

Only an idiot, indeed.

4) Do not leave the toddler eating near the baby.
A toddler does so love to share, provided we’re not talking about toys, which are a constant source of power struggle. If a toddler is eating any kind of baby-prohibited snack, they are super keen to shove it in their sibling’s face holes (plural).

Nuts, rice crackers, olives, grapes; in fact, anything that really requires teeth.

You must observe closely at snack times because even if your toddler is a genius at puzzles and singing the alphabet, they have no common sense.

As mentioned, I saw my newborn lass lying on her back and her brother slam dunk a whole almond into her mouth, like a little, white, grubby-fisted Michael Jordan.

5) Do not allow your toddler to ride the baby.

Not like a horse.

Not like a motorbike.

Not like a merry-go-round.

No riding. Full. Stop.

You’ll be amazed how often this one will come up.

6) Never leave the toddler in charge near water.
Much of this post is done very tongue in cheek because I am never going to win the Mother of the Year Award. However, this one, no matter much you think it’s a no brainer, may be the most important thing you ever read:

Your toddler is not a babysitter.

Whether they’re 3, 4, 5 or even 6, they cannot be responsible for younger children near water.

Not the bath.

Not the wading pool with two inches of water in it.

Nowhere.

Nina’s note: What a timely post for me! I’ve often wondered just how my three-year-old will interact with his new baby brothers, and particularly about how to keep the little ones safe and intact from their big brother’s lovin’.

Danielle is a writer, a tv producer, and a great lover of food. She’s a wife, a mother, and a photographic enthusiast. She’s a mother to two kids, blogs about amazing recipes (complete with beautiful photos) and even launched her own TV segment, Holsby TV. She blogs at Keeping Up with the Holsbys.

How do you make sure that your new baby and toddler play safely and happily?

infant, siblings, toddler

safety

How to stay positive when times are tough

Nina February 22, 2013 22 Comments

I know I’m not alone when I say times sometimes get tough. For you, it might be balancing family issues, dealing with financial bills, coping with health issues. And as often as it is, when it rains it pours—bad luck seems to invite even more bad luck. I’m normally a lucky girl; I hardly have bad luck enter my life, but as of late, it seems to have barged right through the door now that I’m nearing the end of my twin pregnancy. I suppose they don’t call it a high-risk pregnancy for nothing.

I endured a few discomforts throughout the pregnancy, from being sick five times (once every month since October until now), to double the fatigue and nausea and even struggling to gain enough weight to make sure these babies are a healthy size.

Now, however, I’m faced with more challenging complications.

I mentioned my PUPPPs rash a few days ago; I now also have cholestasis, which is yet another itch-related pregnancy complication (why I ended up with two itch-related complications that have nothing to do with each other at the same time is beyond me). Unlike PUPPPs, however, cholestasis does pose a risk to the babies, and I’m now required to visit the doctor at least three times a week to monitor the babies’ health and deliver no later than 37 weeks.

It’s been a whirlwind of madness in our home. All these complications plus caring for a three year old and that my husband has been battling what probably is bronchitis hasn’t made for an easy household. I’ve been ready to throw in the towel so many times but remind myself that these babies still need time to grow and rely on me to stay positive.

And so as much as this post is meant to be helpful to you, I also wrote it for myself, to remind me to stay positive when times are tough. How?

Find distractions. One of the best ways to ease worries and anxiety is to think about something else, even for a short while. For me, this might mean watching a funny show, playing games on my iPhone (yes that’s me playing Scramble with Friends and Draw Something at 3am), hanging out with my three-year-old and talking to my husband and mom about other topics.
Have a good cry or vent. At the same time, sometimes you just need to get it out of your system. While you don’t want to stay miserable too long, it’s also not healthy to bottle up your feelings. I actually find solace in online mommy groups dealing with similar complications so that I know I’m not alone. I also email my friends the latest updates for support.
Search for the positives. Somehow there remains a glimmer of joy and goodness even in our troubles. Draw on these positives to remind yourself that not everything is bleak. In my case, I’m fortunate that the babies remain healthy, that I’m in competent hands with my doctors, that my son still loves to kiss my belly, and heck, that I even have a disabled parking placard so that I don’t have to walk too far.
Tell yourself it’s temporary. In most cases, dire days are temporary. I know this pregnancy is coming to a close, and while the ensuing newborn days may just be as maddening, at least I know I won’t have these complications for much longer.
Remember it’s all for good reason. I’ve always felt that our experiences in life help mold us into the people we can be. Bad relationships can teach us about what we want in a partner. Poor decisions help us grow into more mature adults down the line. Any annoying medical tests I’ve dealt with in this pregnancy have ensured my health and those of the babies. And you’re reminded that the sacrifices are worth all the trouble when you hold two baby boys in your arms.

I won’t lie: last night I shed a few tears from the discomforts of carrying twins and having these complications. It ain’t easy, and I was just about to be the biggest cry baby and mope for the next few weeks. But then you wake up the next day and realize that there’s still goodness, that this will be short-lived, and that I have an amazing family—and two little ones on the way—worth holding on for.

How do you plow through difficult times? What have been some of your more challenging moments?

parenthood, pregnancy, twins

positive

Help your child sleep through the night and a FREE GIVEAWAY

Nina February 19, 2013 3 Comments

At six months old, my son did something that held me in complete disbelief: he slept through the night—11 full hours—all on his own. Prior to that, all my husband and I had ever known was sleep deprivation, sometimes taking over an hour to help our little guy fall asleep only to wake up again in another two to three hours to do it all over again. We were all miserable. But along came a book that continues to sit on my shelf, dog-eared, underlined and page corners folded, that turned it all around: The Sleep Easy Solution by Jennifer Waldburger and Jill Spivack.

Within two days, our baby was able to fall asleep all on his own, and after several more nights of dream feeds aimed at weaning him off of night feedings, he miraculously slept a full night’s sleep. I’ve physically loaned my copy out to at least five friends (always careful to get it back!) and recommended it to many more.

Why do I like The Sleep Easy Solution book so much?

The book begins by stating that life doesn’t have to be this way. As much as I tried to avoid having my baby cry at all, I also needed the reassurance that continuing to be sleep-deprived did nothing for me or my family. When I spoke to friends whose two- or three-year-olds continued to need their parents to fall asleep or hadn’t slept a full night, I knew I didn’t want to go down that path. And it’s true: this moment was a turning point; I felt happier about being a parent.
Rather than vague instructions, the book outlines very specific steps for an easy to follow sleep plan. When I read other sleep books, I found little focus and instead needed clear-cut steps on how to help my child fall asleep, from whether it’s even a good time to start, to how to prepare his room for optimal sleeping, to the seconds and minutes it takes to hold your ground.
While the authors emphasized the crucial need for consistency, they also remained sensitive to the emotional roller coaster of hearing your baby cry. I was about ready to try anything at this point, but that didn’t mean hearing your baby cry was any more pleasant.
The book covers more than just sleep training an infant. For instance, it came in handy when we helped our son transition from a crib to a toddler bed. Other topics include helping older, verbal children sleep on their own, how to tackle travel plans and even tips on twins and multiples.

With my twins coming any week now, I plan to do things a bit differently so that they can hopefully learn to fall asleep on their own without any sleep training. But if for whatever reason either of the babies struggle with attaining a full night’s sleep, I know I have a book to help us along.

The giveaway: Get a free copy for yourself!

I don’t normally do giveaways; in fact this is the first one I’m holding. And while I’ve been approached to give away other products and reviews, I’ve turned them all down for the simple reason that I don’t know enough about the product or love them enough to recommend them to you.

But this giveaway is a bit different; it was actually me that approached the authors about hosting a giveaway. I figured I’ve recommended this book so many times to my friends that I ought to extend a giveaway to you as well. And so, Jill and Jennifer have partnered with Sleeping Should Be Easy to offer one reader a free copy.

How to enter

There are two ways to win a copy of the book:

Simply leave a comment on this post.
For an additional entry, subscribe to Sleeping Should Be Easy and leave a second comment saying that you did (or if you’re already signed up, leave a second comment saying that you’re already a subscriber).

The contest begins now until Thursday, February 21, 8pm PST.

What your current sleep situation is with your kids? Are they sleeping through the night? Still waking up from time to time? What is your bedtime routine?

infant, sleeping, toddler

giveaway, sleep through the night, sleep training

5 ways to encourage deliberate practice and doing your best

Nina February 14, 2013 8 Comments

“What do you want to do now?” I asked my three-year-old. “I want to write!” he responded, heading to his table to trace letters, numbers and shapes. Thankfully he enjoys writing because he could actually stand to improve this fine motor skill, as evidenced by his teacher’s encouragement to practice at home as well. I’m not discouraged, and in fact I’ve since taken this opportunity to instill what is called “deliberate practice.”

Coined by psychologist Anders Ericsson in the early 1990s, deliberate practice isn’t merely clocking in a certain amount of hours of practice. After all, you can tell a kid to practice playing the piano for three hours every day and he may still hit a plateau with his performance if there’s no desire to improve (aka half-assing it!).

Deliberate practice, on the other hand, is practice designed to improve specific aspects of the skills a person is trying to master. In this situation, the same three hours can be used to fine tune a skill, receive feedback, correct mistakes—all in the hopes of improving performance and striving for excellence.

How does this apply to my three-year-old working on his tracing?

First, a disclaimer: when it comes to education and school, I’m more concerned that my son develops a love for knowledge, so I approach school work with eagerness and fun and do my best not to paint school and learning as obligations (“You don’t have to go to school today”) but rather something he would enjoy on his own (“Tomorrow isn’t a school day”).

That said, I still believe in deliberate practice and helping him along with his class work. How?

1. No sugar-coating or over-praising
First, I try not to sugar coat or over-praise him for every little thing he does. If what he did seems sub par to what I know he can accomplish, I won’t have him think that that’s sufficient. Similarly, I keep praise to a minimum and instead offer a narrative of what he just did (“You traced the letter ‘D’”). And when what he does actually warrants praise, I focus on the effort and keep the praise descriptive rather than evaluative (e.g. “Look at how you wrote the number 2!” versus “You’re so good at writing the number 2!”).

2. Provide feedback
One of the best ways to instill deliberate practice is to offer feedback. If my son is to learn how to write well, he’s better off being told what to improve or correct than if I were to simply let him scrawl all day long. I even like how he’ll take a look at his work and point out which ones weren’t done too well and which ones were better.

Free play is important, but giving feedback is required if someone wants to improve their skill with deliberate practice. It’s like me learning how to knit—if I’m a little bit interested in it, sure I could just hang out with friends and take a class or two for fun. But if I really wanted to be a serious knitter, I’d need more than just free play.

3. Offer instruction
Similarly, providing instruction helps him learn the technicalities of what he’s trying to learn. With writing, we show him how to hold a pen (although he’s stubborn about this part), that he has more control if his hand is located towards the tip, or that he needs to place the pen right above the dotted lines to trace.

4. Let kids struggle
I’m a fan of letting kids struggle. It’s truly one of the best ways for them to learn how to get out of their comfort zones, which is the only way to really master any skill. By being challenged, kids are able to make leaps and bounds in ways they couldn’t if they just played the same piano piece they’ve been comfortable with over and over. The amazing thing with deliberate practice is that despite the discomfort of learning something new, most people will actually find the challenge enjoyable, especially once a skill has been mastered.

5. Embrace mistakes
Mistakes show us what does and doesn’t work, offers a glimpse of how far we’ve come along, and, let’s face it, are unavoidable in life. Rather than hiding from shame, I’d rather my kiddo see mistakes as normal and something that will lead him to where he wants to be. If he happens to make mistakes, we point it out matter-of-factly if need be and either show him or ask him how he can improve.

Doing your best

The more I practice with my kiddo, the more I find myself saying the same things over and over. Namely, that the more you practice, the better you get. I want him to embrace practice for what he can accomplish in that time.

But practice itself isn’t always enough, especially if he’s trying to improve. And in order for him to use the time wisely, I also encourage him to try to make the next one better than what he has done. With the goal of improving, hopefully he’ll learn that part of the joy of learning a skill is constantly pushing yourself to master more and more of it through deliberate practice.

What are some ways you encourage deliberate practice and doing your best with your kids?

learn and discover, preschooler

deliberate practice, effort, praise, struggle