Why I Regret Rocking My Baby to Sleep

Some people don’t mind rocking their babies, but it wasn’t for me. Here’s why I regret rocking my baby to sleep, and what I wish I did instead.

rocking babyWhen I was pregnant, a co-worker advised, “Don’t get in the habit of rocking your baby to sleep—he’ll get used to it.” As I nodded my head and smiled, all I could think was, How could she suggest such an idea?!

Well… six months, two broken knees, and many nights of sleep deprivation, I later knew why.

(I’ll get to the broken knees later.)

After bringing my baby home, I realized he would doze off after a few moments of bouncing and rocking in my arms. He even only fell asleep in mine—a fact I took great pride in back then: “Only mama has the special touch!”

I used all sorts of rocking, from side-to-side stepping to my bob-and-weave move. But the constant rocking motion plus a growing baby meant my arms couldn’t hold up for much longer.

4 reasons I regret rocking my baby to sleep

When he was four months old, I visited my sister and noticed she had a yoga ball. “Can I use that to bounce him to sleep?” Not only did she agree, but she also lent us the ball to use at home—a curse in disguise as I would soon learn.

The ball seemed to work miracles: my arms got a break and my baby slept immediately. But with our ever-growing dependence on the ball, he began to rely solely on the bouncing motion to fall asleep. So much so that we’d have to bounce him for several minutes each time before placing him in the crib.

What had once been an effective way to put him to sleep was quickly becoming a problem. Here’s why:

1. My baby relied on external sleeping aids

We all have sleeping aids, some of them as common as sleeping in a dark room or hearing white noise. But my baby’s sleeping aids—rocking in particular—were not always sustainable. While I could keep white noise and darkening curtains all night with no problem, there was no way I could rock him for hours on end.

They also prevented him from falling asleep on his own. He wasn’t able to practice self-soothing techniques like rocking his head side to side or sucking his thumb. Because I did all the work for him, he had few opportunities to develop these abilities.

Pacifiers, nursing to sleep—these are other examples of sleeping aids that aren’t sustainable.

Here’s what to do when your 6 month old baby won’t sleep unless held.

6 Month Old Baby Won't Sleep Unless Held

2. Frequent wake-ups meant the whole family was tired

My baby also didn’t know how to fall back to sleep when he woke up in the middle of the night. Each wake up meant my husband or I would have to wake up and rock him back to sleep instead of hoping he’d settle himself.

And his light sleeping meant he was waking up every hour or two. The wake ups were so frequent that I never reached deep sleep—even though I’d clock in enough hours of sleep, my body didn’t feel rested.

Learn what to do when your baby wakes up every hour.

Baby Wakes Up Every Hour

3. My knees gave out

While my arms got a break from bouncing on a yoga ball, my knees took a hit. My baby required at least 10 minutes of ball bouncing per sleep session. Since nap time still happened three times a day with night waking about three times a night, that added up to six times of bouncing minimum.

And again, that’s assuming he’d fall asleep when I set him down. Many times, I’d bounce for 10 minutes only for him to wake up the minute I put him down. That means another set of 10 minutes of bouncing all over again.

Learn what to do when your baby won’t nap unless held.

Baby Won't Nap Unless Held

4. My baby still cried, even with the rocking

Somehow the rocking itself wasn’t soothing enough, and my baby would cry in my arms the entire time.

I even tried bouncing harder on the yoga ball, which seemed to calm him down a little at first. But over time, even that didn’t work. Everything seemed backward: I had started rocking him to sleep to avoid his crying. But he was still crying regardless of how much or how long I rocked him.

Rocking your baby to sleep is fine if both parent and baby enjoy the moment. But for some (myself included), the “bonding experience” brought misery and anxiety instead.

I dreaded the start of the bedtime routine, knowing that what should be a long stretch of sleep for everyone would be punctured by frequent wake ups.

How to stop rocking your baby to sleep

I later learned a few techniques I should’ve started from day one. These habits helped my baby learn to fall asleep on his own and rely less on rocking.

Then, when I gave birth to twins a few years later, I vowed not to repeat the same mistakes or rely too much on certain sleeping aids, including rocking. By doing these simple steps, they were far better able to sleep on their own than their older brother was.

If you want to stop rocking your baby to sleep, take a look at these habits to start early on. But first, keep these two factors in mind:

The first is to be prepared to do the work. Many of us will read or listen to advice, perhaps follow it for a bit, and then quickly give up when it doesn’t work right away. Like many changes in life, meaningful ones take consistency and patience to work.

The second is to be open-minded. I initially scoffed at the idea of not rocking my baby lest he get used to this habit. This isn’t to say that you should be easily swayed, but if something isn’t working for you right now, then perhaps it’s worth being open to other ideas that might.

So, how exactly can you break this habit? Here’s what worked for me, and I hope these tips can work for you, too:

1. Give your baby a chance to self soothe

Check with your pediatrician to see if your baby can sleep through the night. If so, give him a chance to self soothe. That way, he can put himself to sleep any time he happens to wake up at night.

After all, self soothing gives him the ability to stop relying on unsustainable sleeping aids like needing you to rock him. This is when you start to see him sleep a solid 11-12 hours at night without waking up once. With consistency, he can learn to sleep on his own.

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5 Mistakes That Keep Your Baby from Self Soothing

2. Put your baby down drowsy but awake

Not ready to sleep train? Try putting your baby down drowsy but awake.

The problem with rocking is that it doesn’t allow your baby to learn to fall asleep on his own. You’re doing all the work for him without giving him a chance to suck his thumb or roll his head from side to side. He can’t even experience what it feels like to drift off to sleep alone in a crib.

Rather than rocking or nursing your baby to sleep, try holding him until he’s in a drowsy state. Even a gentle movement can work. This gives him a head start on falling asleep while still allowing him the chance to sleep on his own.

3. Give your baby a chance to lie awake on his back

It really is okay to put your baby down and not carry him every minute. Let’s say he’s drowsy, so you slowly transition him down in his crib. Except the minute you do, his eyes fly wide open.

It’s tempting to scoop him up and rock him back to a drowsy state. But give him a chance to lie awake, especially since he’s not even crying. He’s taking in the change in environment and can still fall asleep even if you lay him down awake.

Letting him lie on his back gives him a chance to feel comfortable being alone in this position and not being rocked. He has more opportunities to learn how to fall asleep when he’s lying down awake to do so.

I never believed this until I had my twins. I finally gave it a go, giving them a few minutes to fall asleep even if their eyes opened after I put them down in the crib. Then, lo and behold, I’d eventually find them asleep a few minutes later, even though I had put them down wide awake.

Is your 6 month old waking every 2 hours? Here’s what to do.

4. Feed your baby after wake up time

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If you’re like me, you assumed that feeding your baby to sleep was the way to go. She likely conked out mid-feed, making it ideal to set her down for a nap.

But after hearing about Tracy Hogg’s E-A-S-Y technique (which stands for eat, awake, sleep, you), I started to breastfeed my baby after he woke up, not before. In doing so, he relied less on nursing (and being held) to fall asleep, breaking yet another habit that relied on external sleeping aids.

Instead, feeding became associated with waking up, not falling asleep. It also gave him energy and calories during the time he needed it most—while he was awake and alert. Lastly, we avoided excess spit up since he wasn’t placed in a lying position after eating any longer.

Learn how to stop your 6 month old baby feeding more at night than during the day.

6 Month Old Baby Feeding More at Night Than Day

Conclusion

Rocking your baby to sleep isn’t a big bad terrible thing to do. Many parents enjoy sitting in a rocking chair with their baby. But for others, it can be exhausting and draining to do over and over again.

I regretted rocking my baby to sleep. He learned to rely on external sleep aids instead of self soothing. Frequent wake ups meant the entire family was exhausted. My knees were ready to bust, and most ironically, even the rocking stopped working after a while.

If you’re a new parent in the same boat, rest assured you can turn things around.

Start by giving your baby a chance to fall asleep on his own, putting him down drowsy but awake. Let him lie awake on his back, and feed him after waking up, not to sleep.

Soon, he can rely less on rocking to sleep—and you just might save your arms and knees as well.

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5 Mistakes That Keep Your Baby from Self Soothing

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18 Comments

  1. I will never regret rocking all my babies…they grow up way to fast!! I will look back at all those wonderful moments over the past 5 years of rocking my 4 kids to bed when they are all grown up and cherish ever second. 2 of my kids have moved on from rocking…they are 3 and 4 and bedtime is a breeze without tears or fussing! My 2 youngest(twins) are 21 months and they still get rocked to sleep…we rock them to sleep while watching a show together, then lay them in their beds. Rocking to sleep does not have to be a curse!!! It can be a wonderful stress free bonding time!!

    1. Thanks for adding this Nichole. Rocking has definitely been a wonderful time for many people I know, so you’re not alone 🙂

  2. Stephanie Coffin says:

    I hear so frequently they are only small once that’s why I rock them, but I agree with this post 100%! They many not be able to be “spoiled”, but they definitely can become accustomed to routines. Its hard to enjoy this time with them when your are exhausted and bedtime becomes such a chore. Such great advice! Thanks for sharing

    1. Exactly Stephanie. It’s not that not rocking isn’t giving affection, but getting into that habit can certainly develop into a routine.

  3. I think as experienced moms we need to explain things a little better for the generations to come. In our family we swaddled, we cradled, we rocked and also just let them cry it out at times. There were days my babies had schedules and sometimes those schedules went out the window. My children slept in relative silence or sometimes a crazy raucous. Children adapt. They especially adapt if parents keep changing it up. I’m no expert, but I think it’s different for every child, some will need that cuddle at night, some will need a pacifier, some a special stuffed animal. It will all vary. Give it a try, I say! If it doesn’t work……well in another 13-15 years those adorable little babies will find another reason to blame you for something you did wrong!

    1. Nina Garcia says:

      You’re so right, Tanya! After three kids, I’ve learned that every kid has their own way that works for them, even with the same parents. I even found that some kids can adapt like you mentioned (sleep in silence, sleep when crazy, etc) but others do much better with consistency and routine. And hopefully they won’t blame me for too much lol 🙂

  4. Katrina Gallagher says:

    As a mother of 3 and 1 more on the way, I could not agree more with you. Rocking a baby is a sweet and special time but can become anything but enjoyable when you feel forced to do it.
    We started training our children to sleep from the very first week at home also using the eat, wake, sleep schedule. Everyone was amazed how early our babies started sleeping through the night and how often we could lay them each down for a nap and they would actually fall asleep. What’s more, when we would say to our toddlers in their car seats, “Go to sleep,” while on a long trip (grandparents live 12 hours away) they would and it was FANTASTIC!
    Children thrive on knowing what to expect…and so does mommy!

    1. Nina Garcia says:

      First, congratulations Katrina on the new baby! How exciting. I definitely learned the second time around with my twins not to rock them to sleep. I think it’s awesome if you like it, but I just didn’t like it after a while anymore. I love that you implemented some sort of rhythm or routine to your kids’ sleep that they were able to fall asleep on their own so easily!

  5. Kristina Walker says:

    This is my first baby and boy, is he a handful! He had a really had time adjusting to life outside the womb. For the first 6 weeks, he would cry nonstop from about 10 pm to about 5 or 6 am. Then one day he just slept all night. He’s gotten a lot better, only waking up once or twice but he fights going to sleep. I’ve tried the drowsy thing and he was just wide awake the second his head touched the crib so we bed share. We get more sleep this way but I would love it if we could get him to sleep in his crib. He is also demanding and knows what he wants and how he wants it. Some days he wants to be rocked a certain way and then he doesn’t like that anymore and wants us to rock him a different way. Hopefully, he’ll just grow out of it.

    1. Nina Garcia says:

      Hi Kristina! My eldest was a pretty bad sleeper, as you read. We finally sleep trained at six months but before then, like you said, he’d wake up the minute we put him down. Or it seemed that we’d rock more and longer each time, almost like we were outdoing ourselves lol. I hope your little guy grows out of it! At least he doesn’t cry from 10pm t0 5 anymore. And that’s awesome he sleeps well, even if it’s not in the crib yet! ~Nina

  6. This could have been my story! Right down to constant bouncing on the yoga ball! I also read Tracy Hogg’s book as well as Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child and my son and I got our lives and sleep back! Now he’s a healthy ten year old who sleeps great!

    1. Nina Garcia says:

      Ha! I’m glad someone else could relate to that yoga ball, Kylie. It’s amazing the difference it makes to stop relying on external sleep aids. My little guy now sleeps as well thank goodness!

  7. This is truly my life right now. My daughter has become dependent on the yoga ball for naps, and it’s not a gentle bounce, it has to be pretty hard. Which is not only exhausting at home but it makes it impossible to get her to nap in public. I have to hold her and nearly do jumping squats to get her calm. The biggest thing is that when she gets tired she screams, loud and without stopping until the bouncing starts. She’s only 6 weeks old I’m not sure how to begin sleep training at such a young age. How old was your baby when you begin reversing the yoga ball cycle? Any specific advice for me?

    1. Nina Garcia says:

      Yes, exactly Taylor! The same with me—the bouncing was practically a workout, it was not the typical gentle rocking! My eldest was six months when I sleep trained, and the twins four months (I wouldn’t recommend any younger than four months, or whenever your pediatrician says it’s okay). Six weeks is still definitely in that “survival mode” stage, so I would focus more on building good sleep habits as a first try, but not beating yourself up if it doesn’t always work.

      For instance, always try to put her down drowsy but awake instead of always rocking her to sleep. If she cries, then yes pick her up and rock, but at least you gave her that opportunity to try to self-soothe.

      And for mindset changes, what helped me feel better was accepting that this was the season of my life at that point. With my first, I was always in a rush to go “back to normal,” afraid that it never would. By the time I had my twins, I knew by then that it does, and that I should simply let life be rather than beat myself up about things being hard. It IS hard, for the moment, but not always.

      xo, Nina

  8. I could have written this!
    I rock my 5 month old every night for bed and bounce him for every nap. We are slowly realizing we need to find a fix and soon because we are TIRED! And the knees!! I’m starting to think I have ruined them and will now forever have horrible knee pain.

    1. Nina Garcia says:

      Yup, I also reached my breaking point before realizing something had to change. Hopefully you get your sleep soon, Kristine!

  9. I am currently experiencing the exact same progression on the yoga ball! I love rocking my little one to sleep, and I do put him down drowsy but awake and feed when he wakes up, BUT the yoga ball thing has become a total crutch. And now it isn’t working like it used to. Not entirely sure what to do during this regression!

    1. Nina Garcia says:

      I hear ya, and it’s worse when it stops being as effective as it used to be when you first started.