Don’t get me wrong—it’s not that our house is ridiculously cluttered with stuff. My husband and I are generally minimalist when it comes to our lives, and that applies to what we own. In other words, we’re not pack rats. Nor are we slobs where we’ll leave goop and slime in bathrooms and kitchens for weeks on end. We like to be sanitary, after all.
But our home wouldn’t be featured in a decorating magazine. When your coffee table is littered with toys, random knick knacks like books, a watch, board games and other miscellaneous items “to be put away,” it doesn’t exactly make for a magazine photo.
Why then do I not bother with messy house guilt? For one, I’m expecting again and therefore prioritize rest over chores. I’ll do the daily chores and what needs to be done—dishes, laundry, scrubbing an annoyingly-dirty sink—but for the most part, I’d rather sleep than work myself too much.
As a mom, I also don’t have as much time anymore. Even before I started becoming useless around the house—err, I mean before I was pregnant—my husband and I stuck by a monthly chore list, which gave us more time compared to our usual, pre-kids weekly chore list. Doing so gave me my sanity back when, as a first time mom, I felt terrible when I couldn’t check off my list during those early months. I needed to cut myself some slack and realize that I have a new role now that doesn’t exactly allow me the time I need to maintain a home the way I was used to.
And if we’re expecting guests, we’ll give our home a nice clean through but don’t stress about every dusty nook or that the books aren’t perfectly aligned. These guests are our friends and family, and as such, we don’t expect judgment from other people. We just want them to feel welcomed and comfortable and enjoy each other’s company.
Maybe my lack of guilt at keeping an impeccable home also stems from the fact that I’m not naturally drawn to decorating. I have a general sense of what makes for good furniture, arrangements and accents, but along the way I lose this skill. Rather than keeping my bedside table clear but for a lamp and perhaps a basket underneath, I’ve now made it “un pretty” by plopping a pen, eyeglasses, lotion, an eye mask and a watch in a not-so-neat arrangement. But for me, these items are what’s most useful, even if they may not beautiful to look at.
So instead I listen to my messy-threshold. If something bothers me enough to compel me to dust, vacuum, scrub and put things away, then I do. After all, I also don’t want to stress out because of mess. But if my home doesn’t seem too bad, if sleep seems so much more alluring than putting away crayons, and if I’ve accepted that my living room won’t be featured on Pottery Barn anytime soon, then I let it go, and ease myself of the messy house guilt.
How do you handles mess and chores in your home? Do you prioritize chores, or has it gone to the bottom of the list? What would compel you to tidy up your home, and what keeps you from doing so?
Hi! Oh man, when I saw your title I started getting anxiety! I’m a bit OCD when it comes to the house being picked up. Not necessarily clean (ok maybe the bathrooms and kitchen at all times!) I like to decorate, as you already know, but I keep it minimal. AND I am lucky to have the space to have one room that is only my room and no boys are allowed!!
But here is a quick thought, of course right now you need to rest, but have someone help you out when they can. I have read that a no-clutter, no-mess environment for kids is very important for their development. When I taught preschool, the most minimal and clutter-free spaces where those in Montessori schools.
I also think kids as young as toddlers should learn to “clean up” when done with an activity. I do respect when they want to leave the gigantic track they built in the dining room floor and I allow them to stick up their work on a wall with 500 pieces of tape. There should always be balance.
Have a good one!
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And by ANXIETY I meant only because this is a huge problem of mine. To an extreme where I need to tell myself to relax and not to have such high expectations of myself when it comes to the house! xoxo
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Good tips, Betty! I suppose I should clarify that my house isn’t a crazy mess where I would trip over clutter. That kind of mess would probably stress me out more, and hence why I tend to be pretty minimal. The same applies to my kid’s play areas because I wouldn’t want him to color on a table that had legos and piles and piles of junk on it.
I guess I’m more talking about keeping a pristine home and not succumbing to the pressures of having to keep it gleaming 24/7. That it’s fine if I didn’t get a chance to dust the bookshelves this week.
But I do need to do a better job about having him clean up when he’s done. I do this probably half the time but I can’t say 100% of the time. Mostly because I don’t know when he’ll be done with his activity! lol
Nina recently posted..Why I don’t bother with messy house guilt
I can totally relate, Nina! I am one (with self-diagnosed OCD) that loves to keep everything “perfect” in my home. I was also very meticulous about a neat and clean home pre-Lucas and I still do, but now, it’s more about priorities I guess. I love to do thorough cleaning every Saturday. I call it my “cleaning day”. But like you said, cleaning the most tiniest corner does not bother me anymore. And actually, I think a chore list is a brilliant idea. My husband is amazing at helping me around the house but this chore list that you have been working with might work with us too. It’ll definitely give it a try.
-Ana xo
Hey Ana! What you said is perfect: it’s more about priorities. And I guess you learn to cope with dust after having kids haha. That stuff would drive me nuts before having kids, but when it came down to it, I needed to let go and prioritize my kids and myself. Maybe it’s time too. I work out of the house, so I wonder if SAHMs have more time to do light housekeeping during the day? Even the days I’m home with him I still have a hard time cleaning the toilets, for instance lol.
And yes I totally recommend the chore list! It keeps you from forgetting what’s been done, and makes sure that chores—usually the non-daily—don’t get neglected.
Nina recently posted..Why I don’t bother with messy house guilt
Exhaustion!!! …over the sheer thought of cleaning! Ha! That’s what keeps me from doing so.
Disgust… From not being able to walk safely across my living room floor. That’s what compels me to clean it anyway!!
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That’s the balance I aim for too, Kerry. If I’m too tired, I let it go, but if the mess is so bothersome that it’ll actually get to me, then I make sure to clean it!
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People who keep super clean homes might make their guests feel guilty. The guests know they must reciprocate for the hospitality shown, but they’re loathe to invite their hosts over because their own home could never be as clean.
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Teresa I read somewhere, probably some psychology book, that people tend to feel better about themselves when they hang out with friends who are either equal or has even “less” than them. For instance, a person who has a modest income tends to feel good about himself and enjoy the company of a friend who is in a similar income bracket or even has less, than he would if he were hanging out with a friend who made considerably more.
I can see how that can apply to homes as well. Maybe people feel bad about their own homes when they visit others’ whose are amazing. I’m somewhere in between. I’m one to ooh and ahh over decoration and appreciate the hosts’ effort, but I do understand that tiny twinge of jealousy or regret that my home doesn’t look anything like theirs.
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Mr. Sandwich and I both are lousy housekeepers, but we’re getting better. Our goal is a house that feels comfortable and relaxing–clean and orderly enough to not be a source of stress. But while I don’t like the way our house looks at the moment, I don’t feel guilty about it. We’re both doing our best. Our best is just not very organized right now.
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Well said: we’re doing our best. I think that’s also why I don’t feel guilty about it too. I’m not purposefully being lazy for the sake of not cleaning; given the time and circumstances that we have, this really is the best we’re doing. Should we have different scenarios, like before when we didn’t have kids, then yes it would be much different.
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I get these ‘clutter zones’ around the house: my desk, the shoe stands in the front hall, the second step from the bottom on the staircase, the pipechase (like an end table built into the wall) in my bedroom. These places are filled with things that are often used in that area, or are to ‘be put away’ and as such they quite often become a pile. Pile o’ stuff. The clutter zones are given a good clean every week or so, which leaves more time for mothering and relaxing.
We try to stay on top of the kitchen, and the girls are required to tidy their toys at the end of every day so that the living room floor is clutter free and vacuumed daily (we have hairy dog, so a daily vacuum is required of the carpeted living room). I think we strike a fairly good balance, the kids are expected to tidy daily – their toys, shoes, laundry, etc. – but are also exposed to the leeway I give myself for the clutter zones, and asked to participate in the cleaning of said clutter zones on a weekly basis.
As a mom: find what works for you and do it.
We totally have clutter zones too haha! Ours is on our bar counter, where we put “important papers” and mail, keys, whatever we just bought from the store. Like yourself, we also give this a good cleaning often, because then it just gets too much. In my closet I also have a pile of “papers to file away” on top of my file box that picks up clutter.
That’s a good approach you have with your kids. You’re still teaching them to be mindful of their chores and mess, but still giving them room and time to play in a relatively clutter-free environment.
Nina recently posted..What to do when your preschooler gains weight
I take the same approach! I feel like I could spend all day every day cleaning and still find messes to take care of, so I try to balance cleanliness with making time to do things we all enjoy.
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