Here’s the cruel thing about pregnancy: for however difficult these nine months can be, the next few months after giving birth are worse.

The Anxieties of Balancing Newborn and Toddler NeedsTired from peeing five times at night and having no stamina to do anything productive? You’ll be even more tired with nighttime wakings and even less energy. No time to cook a decent family dinner?

Expect to rely on donated, frozen or take-out food once the baby is here. And if you’re worn down from meeting the needs of an older child, trying adding another kid to the mix, and you can get a glimpse of the thoughts running through my head.

Can I take care of a three-year-old and two newborns, all the while healing myself on nothing but sleep deprivation?

My anxieties of balancing newborn and toddler needs:

You see, despite this blog’s moniker, sleep has been pretty easy for us as of late. Every night, our three-year-old goes down to bed and sleeps 12 hours straight.

Every night, I love that my husband and I can read, cook, watch a movie and not take care of any kids. Except now I know that this leisure will be gone the second those babies are born.

In addition to sleeping less, I’m anxious about how my three-year-old will adjust to sharing his parents’ attention. Like most first borns, he only knows a life where he is the center of attention. And while he gets plenty of independent play, all he has ever known is being our only concern. With the babies’ arrival, not only will he share our attention, he’ll also most likely have much less of it compared to his brothers.

I’m especially in a bind because my son is more attached to me than anyone else. The boy has a difficult time letting me go instead spending time with other people. I imagine it’ll be difficult for him to understand when other people say “Mama has to take a nap; why don’t we play in the living room?”

And that’s just one side of the equation: I still have the newborns to contend with. For instance, as much as I’m trying to drill the idea of twins in my head, I still think of the babies as one unit. After all, I’m only dealing with one pregnancy, and their needs in utero remain the same.

But once they’re born, they will have separate needs. Maybe one baby has jaundice while the other isn’t gaining weight, or one baby can’t latch on while the other doesn’t sleep well.

Plus they probably won’t wake up, burp, feed, sleep, poop or do everything synchronized right down to the second. Rather than one baby, I have two, and that scares the world out of me.

I understand this birth order isn’t unusual, by all sorts of moms in perhaps even worse scenarios than myself. Yet I still try to imagine life with a preschooler and two newborns and am left with wondering, How?

  • Is it just a matter of resorting to the bare bones with minimum sleep, improper hygiene and poor nutrition, aka survival mode?
  • Do older kids just tough it out and have less attention from their parents?
  • And I’ve read and heard many times that twins will never know the same attention a singleton baby would have. There’s just not enough time. What of their needs?

I’m scared of having a toddler and a newborn. Still, my husband and I are doing our best to help our preschooler transition to perhaps the most drastic change in his life.

  • We try to glorify his new role as the big brother. We praise the times when he takes good care of me or the babies, such as when he “puts me to sleep” or lotions my belly. I’m hoping this new role will be one he’ll embrace with pride. He sees how much he can do that the babies can’t yet do for themselves.
  • We also don’t blame the babies for changes in his life he may not appreciate. We moved him to a new bed not because the babies need a place to sleep, but because he’s growing bigger and needs more space. When we tell him that I can no longer rough house or even walk around the block with him, it was because I felt tired, not because I was pregnant.
  • And we’re acclimating him to spending more time with others and having a life apart from the babies. Attending preschool and visiting family are some examples.

I know in the long run we’ll survive, just as we did with our first born when we thought the madness would never end. Managing newborn and toddler needs is possible, as proof of the many other families who have done it. Maybe human instincts just power through. We somehow get things done without completely depleting our resources.

For now, I savor the quiet time after putting the little guy to sleep. The time when I can choose to do whatever I want, where no one depends on me, at least for another few months. And when I start questioning my predicament, I tell myself life will work out, as it always has.

One-year update: It absolutely has worked out. I’m alone with all three in the afternoons and they’ve all adjusted really well with each other. They’re patient, and my older son can entertain himself or play with his brothers. The first few weeks and months were tough, but now they get along so well.

How did you transition from one to two (or more)? For those who are expecting like I am, what concerns do you have regarding adding to the family? Let us know in the comments below!