What to Do When Your Toddler Won’t Nap
Struggling when your toddler won’t nap, especially when it feels like you’ve tried everything? Learn how to get your child to finally sleep!
Naps shouldn’t be this difficult, I thought.
I knew other kids who could nap in two-hour chunks. My kiddo? I was lucky to get 45 minutes.
Putting him down for a nap was already exhausting on its own. From changing diapers to reading books to singing songs, these rituals seemed so pointless when I knew the nap was barely going to last.
Naps weren’t the breaks I needed. Instead of putting him down to finally be alone, I spent those few moments on edge, listening for when he’d wake up crying soon after.
At one point, I burst into tears—tired, frustrated, and feeling so defeated from the lack of naps. As if I was doing something wrong, or that something was wrong with him. How could he sleep so well at night but still resist his daily naps?
Thankfully, by changing a few ways of dealing with naps, I learned how to get him to sleep more consistently. These tactics changed how he took naps and even extended the time he slept They may not be the typical parenting tips you always hear about, but I hope they can work as well for you, too:
Table of Contents
1. Tell—don’t ask—your toddler to take a nap
One of the reasons we struggle with getting toddlers to nap without a fuss is that we phrase the necessary as a question:
“Do you want to take a nap?”
After all, you wouldn’t ask your toddler in the evenings, “Do you want to sleep?” There’s no way she wouldn’t sleep in the evenings, yet we phrase naps as optional.
Say, “It’s time to take a nap.” You can’t force someone to fall asleep, but you can reserve the next hour for napping, no matter what.
The more consistently you set expectations—and follow through with them—the more willing she can be to go along with them. Naps are simply what happens, no question about it.
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2. Explain the importance of taking a nap
As I’m sure you’ve realized, kids don’t always like being told what to do. They feel bossed around, losing their say in the matter. So, when we tell them to nap, it’s easy for them to shrug it off and outright refuse to sleep.
That’s why I’m a fan of giving them the reason behind why we’re asking them to do something, especially when they resist.
Tell your toddler the importance of taking a nap to make her likelier to oblige. That naps make her stronger and healthier, or that she gets to rest with her stuffed animals. Add a special incentive, like how taking a nap means she can stay up late to watch fireworks or go to a family party.
By explaining the importance of taking a nap, you’re not “bossing” her around or springing nap time for no good reason.
3. Establish a routine
One of the best ways to make sure nap times aren’t a nightmare is to establish a routine, a consistent way of doing things on a daily basis. That way, your toddler knows what to expect and can automatically oblige with little resistance. This is simply what she’s grown used to.
Routines are two-part. The first is what I call “pillar” routines, or the familiar structure of your day. Do the same activities around the same times so she senses the general “flow” of your day. Keep nap times consistent while being flexible with what you do before and after.
The second is your nap time ritual, or what you do right before she takes a nap. This might include reading books, singing songs, giving her a massage, or turning on a night light. Keep this consistent and predictable so she associates them with taking a nap.
Get more tips about creating a toddler schedule.
4. Be flexible with sleep signs
Do be aware of your toddler’s sleep signs. After all, we’re human and don’t operate like clockwork. We have days when we’re ready to nap, while others we’re up and wired. The same is true for him.
If you notice him rubbing his eyes, yawning, looking “out of it,” and acting generally tired, put him down sooner than later. Routines help establish predictability and flow, but we also have to be open to irregularities.
5. Create a smooth transition
I noticed that my toddler resisted naps when I sprung them out of nowhere. He could be in the middle of molding play dough when I’d say it’s time for to sleep. Nap time can wait, I’m certain he thought.
For smoother nap transitions, give your toddler a “heads up.” Remind her that she has 10 more minutes to play before it’s time to read books and take a nap.
And during those closing minutes, keep your environment calm. Lower or turn off the music, pull the curtains to dim the room, and finish playtime projects. That way, the transition to nap time doesn’t come so suddenly.
6. Create a calm sleep environment
Long gone are the days when we made our newborns sleep in sunlit rooms. That was when they couldn’t differentiate day from night and needed to reserve their long stretches of sleep for bedtime.
Now, older kids can enjoy a dark, soothing nap environment:
- Install darkening curtains that can block out bright light.
- Turn on a white noise machine to muffle sounds from the rest of the house.
- Remove loud, battery-operated toys from your toddler’s room and place soft, comfort toys instead.
- Avoid screen time when he’s about to take a nap.
- Make sure his bed is comfortable. Do the crib sheets need changing? Are his pillows in a good position (or are they smashed into the crevice between the bed and wall)? I got my kids organic pillows to make sure they’re extra comfortable.
- Check the room’s temperature and aim for somewhere between 68 to 72° F.
- Avoid using the crib as a “time out” area. He should associate it with rest and calm, not punishment.
7. Don’t end nap time right away
Don’t get your toddler up if he wakes up crying from a nap before the designated time is over. Instead, check that everything is okay, then leave him in his room until the official wakeup time.
He’ll fuss, but explain that nap time isn’t over yet and that he can still try and put himself to sleep. If he continues to cry, check in again 15 minutes later. Pop your head in for 30 seconds at most and explain that you’re right here but that it’s still nap time.
Don’t pick him up just to put him back down (unless you need to change his diaper). Doing so can frustrate him even more. Instead, pick him up once the designated time for nap is over.
By not ending nap time when he cries, you’re giving him the chance to fall back asleep and teaching him that naps aren’t over because he cries.
8. Determine how much sleep your toddler needs
Not all kids sleep the recommended 90-minute nap (90 minutes is a typical sleep cycle). Even my eldest would only nap for 45 minutes. To expect him to stay in his room for another 45 minutes would be unfair since he hardly slept that long.
You’ll know how much sleep your toddler needs if you see a pattern emerge. He may only nap around 45 minutes long on most days. Note how long he typically naps and see if you find a pattern.
And check if he’s generally happy. If you feel like he isn’t sleeping enough and he’s crabby during the day, then he likely needs to sleep more.
9. Provide alternatives to sleeping
Some kids resist the idea of sleeping, claiming they’re not tired. Given their age, this doesn’t always mean they can skip naps altogether. Instead, implement “quiet time.”
Give your toddler alternatives during this quiet time. This can include playing with stuffed animals, reading, or quietly singing—all while in bed. He might even fall asleep. And if he doesn’t, he can at least rest in a calm, darkened room (and you could catch a much-needed break).
And remember to keep quiet yourself. While some kids can sleep through traffic horns and sirens, others can wake up at the slightest sound. Save loud chores for when he’s awake. You’ll kick yourself for a short nap because you decided to vacuum or return dishes in the cupboards.
10. Determine if your toddler even needs that nap
No parent wants to forgo that extra nap, but maybe your toddler has hit a milestone and is ready to phase out a nap. Let’s say she’s been napping twice a day but is now resisting that second one.
Try this: note how many days she skips that nap. If she does it five days in a row, drop that afternoon nap and put her down once in the middle of the day. The older kids get, the less time they need to sleep.
Get tips on how to transition to one nap.
11. Don’t beat yourself up
If you’re like me, you’ve given yourself grief and stress because your toddler didn’t nap. When he cried and cried, but nothing you did would make him fall asleep. When parenthood felt like an endless cycle of putting him to sleep with no luck, and life seemed to revolve around tantrums and nap times.
It’s amazing how personally we take naps sometimes.
Yet life doesn’t end because of these sleep issues. Weeks, months, and years will continue. At that point, the thought of stressing over naps can seem trivial. You haven’t failed, my friend. You’re still doing fine as a mom, skipped nap or not.
Shrug it off and instead accept that he didn’t nap well. It doesn’t have to make the rest of your day horrible, nor did he do it to make your life worse. It’s simply something that happened, and that won’t matter in the future.
Conclusion
No doubt, staying calm and collected when your toddler won’t nap is a hard ask for even the most patient parent. Thankfully, you can still do plenty to get her to sleep well.
Start by telling her to take a nap instead of phrasing it as a question. Establish a daily routine while being flexible with sleep signs. Create a calm environment, as well as a smooth transition into nap time.
Don’t feel compelled to end up naps when she cries, basing it instead on how long you want her to stay asleep. That said, determine how much sleep she even needs. If she doesn’t sleep, provide alternatives during quiet time.
If she seems to be skipping naps consistently, determine if she even needs that nap or if she’s ready to drop to one nap. And don’t beat yourself up over missed or messy naps—you’re still an amazing parent for the very fact that you’re here doing your best.
You can get the break you deserve—no more difficult naps, friend!
Get more tips:
- How to Get an Overtired Toddler to Sleep
- What to Do When Your Toddler Wakes Up Too Early Crying
- How to Wake Up a Toddler Peacefully from a Nap
- 1 Year Old Nap Schedule: Examples that Actually Work
- What to Do When Your Toddler Wakes Up Screaming Every Morning
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