How to Get Your Baby to Sleep Without Being Held
If your little one won’t fall asleep other than in your arms, you may be wondering when you’ll ever get your sleep back. In this article, I’ll walk you through exactly how to get your baby to sleep without being held using real-life, practical tips.
We all know the newborn stage isn’t going to be perfect. But, if you’re like me, you’re desperate to see if there’s something you can at least try and do differently to make the situation easier.
You see, my newborn wanted to be held all night (and day). I knew he was still too young for sleep training, much less to sleep through the night, but holding him 24/7 wasn’t sustainable. So, I tried several tactics until I found those that actually worked and helped him sleep longer stretches. Most importantly, I had my arms back, in some form or another.
So, what do you do when your newborn won’t sleep anywhere but your arms? Take a look at these strategies:
Table of Contents
Don’t keep your baby awake too long
As a first-time mom, I assumed that babies simply slept when they were tired, but I couldn’t have been more wrong. The times when I kept my son awake for far too long were some of the most challenging times. Being overtired meant he had a difficult time falling asleep right when he needed it. That’s why I was often left with a baby who would only sleep in my arms during the day.
I later learned that babies can’t stay awake for too long. More importantly, they won’t always fall asleep on their own despite needing that rest. Once the window is up, then we really need to do whatever it takes to get them to sleep.
One of the best ways to make sure your baby isn’t awake too long is to pay attention to his sleep cues. For instance, any more than three yawns are signs that he’s overtired, so put him to sleep once he starts to yawn.
The other way to ensure he’s not overtired is to simply watch the clock. Note when he woke up, and don’t let him be awake after a certain time period.
Free resource: How long exactly is too long? Well, it depends on his age. You can grab this free resource where I share the age and sleep guidelines as well as more tips about using his awake time for better sleep. You’ll also get my newsletters, which parents say they LOVE:
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Keep the crib mattress warm
If you’ve ever wondered how to get your baby to nap in the crib, you’re not alone. The thing is, going from your warm, cozy arms to a cold, hard crib can be a difficult transition.
To make the bed just as inviting, try placing a heating pad or a warm water bottle on the crib a few minutes before you plan to set him down. Of course, make sure to check that the bed isn’t too hot. Another option is to turn up the temperature in the room before you set him down so that it’s not too cold.
By keeping his crib warm, easing him out of your arms can still feel cozy.
Keep your hands on your baby after putting him down
One of the sensations of being held that your baby enjoys is the contact with your body and the warmth on her chest as it presses against yours. But after you put her down, this warmth goes away, leaving her exposed.
So, what do you do when your baby won’t nap unless she’s held? Try this little trick to mimic that feeling and make the transition easier:
Put her down just as she’s about to sleep, but keep your cradling arm wrapped around her body and your other hand on her chest. If you can, you might even want to lightly keep your chest touching hers, as if you’re still hugging and holding her lying down.
Then, as she drifts off to sleep, slowly remove and slide your cradling arm from underneath while still keeping your other hand on her tummy. And finally, remove the other hand so she can sleep alone.
Stroke your baby’s face
Worried that your baby will startle and throw a fit the minute you put him down awake?
Try this simple trick to help him relax: After putting him down awake, stroke his cheek and forehead until his eyes close. Maybe you caress his eyebrows or run your finger from the bridge of his nose to the top of his head. Gently stroke his cheeks, moving from nose to ear.
These simple touches can be all it takes to keep him in a drowsy state until he eventually falls asleep. Sure, he still needs your help to sleep, but at least you’re not holding him the whole time.
Use a pacifier if your baby fusses
Your baby might fuss as you set him down. If he takes to a pacifier, this would be a good time to put one in his mouth to encourage sucking. Don’t wait until he’s crying hysterically—instead, insert the pacifier if you see him starting to squirm or get upset.
Then, keep your hand on him as you hold the pacifier in his mouth. This will remind him that you’re still near while encouraging him to suck on the pacifier to fall asleep.
After you’ve left, keep the pacifier in his mouth. But if you notice him squirming once more (or you think he’s about to wake up), use the pacifier again. If the pacifier fell out, re-insert it into his mouth. But if the pacifier is still in his mouth, give it a gentle “tug.” This will encourage him to suck harder and hopefully keep sleeping.
Put your baby down drowsy but awake
If your baby has always fallen asleep in your arms, then it’s no wonder he cries when he sleeps any other way.
Break those habits and sleep associations by putting him down drowsy but awake. That way, he’ll get to experience falling asleep away from your arms and instead in the sleep environment he’ll eventually wake up.
After all, few of us can fall asleep in one place, get moved to another, and not wake up in the process. The same is true for your baby.
He’ll also learn that you don’t have to hold him to fall asleep. He’s gotten so used to one way of falling asleep—in your arms—that any other way feels strange. By consistently putting him down drowsy but awake, he learns that it’s okay to fall asleep that way, too.
Sure, hold him in your arms, but once he starts looking drowsy, set him down where you want him to sleep so he can experience the transition for himself.
Let your baby lie down awake
I mistakenly assumed that the minute my baby’s eyes flew wide open after putting him down, I’d have to scoop him back up and re-do our routine. Only later did I realize that those were opportunities for him to fall asleep on his own.
Don’t feel compelled to pick your baby up if he goes from sleepy to awake when you put him down. He just might be able to put himself to sleep if you give him a chance to. And given that he’s not crying, you have even less reason to get him out of the crib.
Instead, let him lie down, even if he’s awake. He might fuss a little, at which point you can try a pacifier or let him try to soothe himself. He just might surprise you by falling asleep on his own.
Create the right sleep environment
Keeping the room completely silent will only invite sudden noises to startle your baby awake. Instead, use a white noise machine to muffle those sounds. Not only will it block those sounds, but it’ll remind him of the constant hum he heard when he was in your womb. The constant hum can encourage continuous sleep after you put him down.
Then, let your baby sleep in a snug place. Babies find comfort in snug places, having spent so much time in the womb. While the crib is the ideal place to set your baby down, many parents have found more luck in other, snugger places. These offer the secure feeling of being “cupped” and held, just like in your arms. For instance, try carrying him in a baby wrap, a sleep suit, or a swaddle.
Frequently asked questions
Babies in the newborn stage still need help falling asleep. That said, you can still set good sleep habits even now that encourage him to sleep independently. Make every first attempt an opportunity for him to fall asleep on his own (for instance, by putting him down drowsy but awake each time).
If he cries hysterically, scoop him up and try something else. Maybe this time you’ll put him in the swing or carry him in a wrap. And if he truly isn’t having any of it, then hold him in your arms.
He might still need help falling asleep a lot of times, but at least you’re consistently giving him a chance to do it on his own, too.
“Spoiling a baby” is relative. After all, someone who enjoys holding her baby to sleep every time would certainly not object to doing so. In fact, she might even feel guilty for holding her baby, assuming she’s doing a bad job by doing it so often.
So no, you can’t “spoil” a baby by holding him too much. Instead, the better question to ask is this: What expectations are you willing to set?
If you’re okay with holding your baby, then by all means, continue doing so. But if you feel an imbalance between his needs and those of yours, your family, your work, and your home, then something needs to change.
It can be as simple as putting him down more throughout the day—when he is awake—so he knows it’s also okay to be away from your arms. And of course, applying the tips you learned here to get him used to sleeping without being held.
The bottom line
Having a newborn isn’t easy, especially when your little one won’t sleep anywhere else but your arms. But hopefully, by trying these tips, you’ll find that you can get your baby to sleep without being held, after all.
Get more tips:
- Is Your Newborn Not Sleeping During the Day?
- How to Get an Overtired Newborn to Sleep
- How to Take Care of a Baby Alone
- What to Do When Your Overtired Baby Keeps Waking Up
- What Should Your Baby Wear at Night for Sleep?
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