What to Do When You’re Stressed About Money

Feeling worried and anxious about your finances all the time? Learn what to do for you and your family when you’re stressed about money.

Stressed About Money

With the arrival of three kids, money didn’t always come so easily. Hearing that I was expecting twins heightened my financial anxiety, as I wondered how we’d ever cover two babies plus a preschooler all at once. At one point, our childcare costs—preschool and a nanny—were double the rent.

It didn’t help when unexpected expenses, from car repairs to a job loss, came without warning.

It’s hard not to stress about the uncertainty of money when you have kids. You’ve got big-ticket items like childcare, education, and housing. You also have everyday expenses that add up like food, entertainment, and clothes. And many of your financial decisions are likely based on your children.

Money stress is something many parents in particular struggle with. But don’t worry (because it never does any good). Instead, keep these pointers in mind:

1. Give your worries a reality check

Our right brains go haywire when we’re consumed with emotions, so our left brains reassure us by restoring order to the chaos. The best way to do that is to label and identify your money worries.

Then, describe the worst-case scenario. Your mind has so many thoughts of The Horrible Things that might happen. Before you let it get out of hand, write exactly what these worst-case scenarios are. You’re facing your fears head on when you write the worst scenarios you can imagine.

Next, make a list of things you can do. Start with a big picture, then ask yourself, “How?” Keep whittling those plans and asking “How?” until you get to the one thing you can do right now. Worrying is useless because there may not be anything you can do about it now or any time soon. This exercise identifies those you can do something about and ignore those you can’t.

Finally, record what ended up happening. When you’re in the moment, it’s hard to imagine anything good happening or things turning out fine. But a record of what happened to even our worst worries reminds us that it isn’t as bad as we make it out to be.

When another worry comes up, read through your old worry entries and realize, “Hey, I was worried about this before. Now look how well it turned out.”

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2. Track your finances

Rather than worrying yourself without any action to show for it, be proactive. For instance, track every cent you earn and spend. If you spent $2 on parking today, write it down. If you earned $13.49 from an online sale, write it down. With an overview of your income and expenses, you can see where the problems lie.

Maybe you can see that months of expenses on streaming services is adding up, or that you’ve been overspending on eating out. And while your physical health is important, maybe you can cut gym costs and find free resources for working out. Now you have a clearer view of where that money goes.

Look at factors that can eat your costs, too. Perhaps you can prioritize paying off student loans or avoiding late fees on your credit card debt.

3. Be open to big changes

Think long-term about your financial picture. Where do you imagine yourself a year or more down the line? Yes, I’m all about little actions that snowball into big results, like being frugal, saving, or selling things here and there. But sometimes even that’s not enough.

What can you do that’s sustainable to solve your financial problems? Trying to earn small wins or saving in little ways isn’t sustainable. Your morale might sink—there’s only so much income you can save or household items to sell.

Instead, be open to big changes. Start with easy ones, like eliminating monthly costs that don’t add value to your life. These might be streaming services or even the insurance payments you make on a car you hardly drive.

Then branch out and think bigger. Can you downsize, like living in a smaller home or lower cost-of-living area? Can your family live off of one car? Your kids can attend a less expensive preschool or a more affordable daycare.

Next, think about your earning possibilities and financial goals.

Are there ways you can earn extra income? Maybe this means getting a new job that pays more or earning income without limits on your time or space, such as passive income. Perhaps you even have a timeline for when your money problems might end, like when your kids can enroll in public school.

If that’s the case, can you do something on the side to earn a little bit more during that time frame?

4. Sell your kids’ outgrown clothes and items

I opened the double-door closet in the kids’ room and saw so many items I had forgotten about. From clothes to mobiles to pack ‘n plays, the closet was brimming with overlooked children’s items more useful in another home.

I could use this clutter to sell for cash rather than continue storing it, I thought.

One of the easiest ways to get rid of them is to donate or pass them off to your friends. And pass on I did—whatever my friends could use, I packed up, shipped, or handed to them.

The rest I realized I might as well try my hand at selling first before dropping them off at the donation center. The few bucks make for nice pocket money (and a little bit of “Okay, at least I got some of the money back from all those baby purchases” feeling of triumph).

Here are some tips to sell used children’s items:

  • Sell it in its original packaging. Consignment stores are more likely to pay for something in its original packaging (it makes it easier for them to resell).
  • Use eBay for easy-to-mail items. eBay introduces you to a wider audience, but be mindful of postage costs. Bulky items are best suited for consignment stores, Craigslist, Facebook, or garage sales.
  • Leave the batteries in battery-operated toys. Buyers and especially stores want to know that the item still works.
  • Iron clothes. Freshly-pressed clothes look newer and more appealing.
  • Don’t hide flaws from buyers. If your item doesn’t work or has a stain, don’t sell it. Think karma: Would you want to buy your item? Or at least mention the flaw in your listing.

5. Kids don’t need much

Sometimes financial problems happen when we’re pressured to provide kids with everything we never had.

We’re growing up in a different generation where we invest so much of our time and money into our kids. This only speaks to how lucky we are to live the way we do compared to so many others. (Because if you’re reading this on a computer with an internet connection, you’re blessed.)

At the same time, we forget how little our kids need. Love, above all things. Then we need to meet their health and safety needs. And after that, we provide opportunities to learn, play, and expand their minds.

But that fancy $39.99 toy that promises to enrich your child? Playing at the park or in nature can do just as much, if not more. Outings to museums and affordable outings can replace pricey summer camps.

I don’t give my kids too many toys that do the learning for them, like gadgets with predetermined instructions. I want them to be problem solvers, including how to solve their own boredom.

Find free or low-cost alternatives for entertainment. Frequent your local library where you can borrow books and movies. They also host story time, crafts, or magic shows. Go to your local park or playground, hike through mountains to explore nature, or visit inexpensive or free children’s museums.

6. Be grateful for the money you earn and spend

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Since those early years of having kids, I’ve had a healthier relationship with money, and not because childcare costs are no longer an issue. Rather than fearing the lack of money, I’ve focused on being more grateful for it—no matter the circumstances.

Instead of thinking, “I only have $x this month,” you can say, “I’m grateful I have $x this month.”

Then, be genuinely grateful for every penny that enters your life, from the paycheck you rely on to the side hustle project that came your way. You can even write a gratitude journal. As Robert A. Emmons writes in Gratitude Works!:

“Gratitude journaling promotes the savoring of positive life experiences and situations so that we can distill the maximum satisfaction and enjoyment from them. This promotes a shift in consciousness from what we are lacking to the abundance that surrounds us.”

Being grateful for money also means saying thanks not only for receiving it, but for spending it. Don’t think of bills as taking money away from your bank account. Instead, be grateful that money allows you to buy groceries and run electricity in your house.

And be grateful for your current resources, too. Emergency funds, even if they’re not extra money or income, can provide peace of mind knowing that they’re there to use.

The more grateful we are for money, the more we welcome it into our lives. Think of money as a friend—if you fear it, think it’s evil, or label it as unreliable, would that friend want to visit you often?

Conclusion

Hard times can take a toll and force you to make decisions you may be too scared or complacent to choose.

Maybe this means facing your worries and developing a plan instead of letting financial stress consume you. Sometimes it means big changes in your life that can make a longer-lasting impact, and realizing how little of our money our kids need.

And above all, practicing gratitude with the money that goes into and out of your life keeps the cycle flowing.

I still spend more now with three kids than I ever did without them. I’ve had financial problems, especially with having twins and their double and simultaneous costs. But I stop the worries when I see them coming—I’ve found that challenging times can be a blessing in disguise, stresses and everything.

Having Twins

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