The Biggest Reason Parents Should Stand Their Ground

It’s tough to enforce rules when kids throw a tantrum. But learn the one big reason parents should stand their ground during these meltdowns.

Parents Should Stand Their GroundImagine throwing a tantrum… and getting everything you demanded. You might think this is ideal for your child, but being too lenient can often lead to adverse consequences.

Giving in all the time during a power struggle may lead him to believe that negative actions are the way to get anything. He learns that throwing a fit means mom and dad break down and oblige. He might use this method more often than not to get what he wants.

The thing is, kids are incapable of running a household. When decision-making falls on your child’s shoulders, chaos ensues. Making his own choices empowers and holds him accountable, but letting him decide everything leads to a household with no order, respect, or authority.

Then, in adulthood, he discovers with disappointment that the real world doesn’t bend to his whims the way his parents did. He might face peers and adults who likely won’t have patience for his antics. And he realizes that jobs, partners, and goals don’t always come so easily.

These are all useful reasons to remember when he’s being difficult. But the biggest reason you shouldn’t be so permissive?

These tantrums frighten him.

“Winning” every argument means that tantrums are more powerful than his parents. You can’t afford to succumb to every meltdown or outburst or give in to every whim or unreasonable demand, even with good intentions.

Yes, you can pick your battles—some issues are easier to resolve when you let them go (not to mention saving your sanity and frustration). But he needs to know that, in the long run, his parents can stand their ground against his whims and tantrums.

You see, when he throws tantrums, his brain can’t process events logically. The emotions that run through him can often feel like a monster taking over. His behavior can get out of control as he yells and screams or feels resentment.

3 Year Old Behavior Is Out of Control

Tantrums are scary enough. Now imagine feeling like no one—not even your parents—can put a stop to them. By standing your ground, you’re promising your child that you can help him through these emotions—that you can be the anchor through the storm.

He also knows that he doesn’t bear the power to make big decisions. Despite his demands, the prospect of having so much power can feel terrifying and raise his anxiety level.

Instead, he thrives under the leadership of responsible adults, not free reign beyond his capabilities. Encourage him to explore and assert himself, but within the boundaries you’ve established. You can still show compassion even as you set limits.

We see tantrums as kids wanting things their way, but what they really want is for us to be an ally and help them. Tantrums don’t always have to be yet another behavior problem or obstacle. They can also remind our kids that we’re there for them, even through their most challenging emotions.

How to Set Boundaries with Kids

Free resource: Struggling with your child’s tantrums? Grab your copy of the Quick Guide to Handling Tantrums and learn how to respond when tantrums strike. Get it below—at no cost to you! You’ll also get my newsletters, which parents say they LOVE:

“Dear Nina, I think I’m going to keep this email in my inbox for as long as I am around. It felt like a virtual hug, a virtual tap on the shoulder, like, ‘hey, you’re doing a good job, keep it up.’ Thank you for encouraging me.” -Nayia Kouvva

Your Cheat Sheet Guide to Handling Tantrums

Get more tips:

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

2 Comments

  1. Christine says:

    Interesting post. I’ve been thinking about how I’ll handle tantrums a lot recently, especially as my new toddler has just started expressing her frustrations this way. I agree that boundaries are important to help them feel in control but I think it’s also important that they feel their desires are important too. Still figuring out this one though.

    1. I would definitely still abide by providing plenty of empathy, defining emotions, providing comfort and staying calm during or after tantrums. I also think we shouldn’t be overly strict authoritarians with no flexibility. What we need to avoid though is giving in to every whim, and basically letting them run the show.

      It’s a tough balance! Sometimes when my kiddo is going nuts I want to go bonkers right along with him haha.