Are you doing too much for your kids? Find ways on raising a self sufficient child and gauging when your kids are ready to be more independent.
Sometimes we assume kids still need our help with everything. We save them from struggle, making it easy to overlook the importance of self sufficiency.
(Read the importance of letting kids struggle.)
And taking a step back to allow our kids to try is hard. We save five minutes to tie their laces ourselves than teaching them how to do it. We avoid the big messes that follows when they feed themselves. And we also feel needed and can’t believe how quickly our kids are growing.
But at some point, kids demand to do things themselves. Or they’re forced to, especially if we’re welcoming a new baby and need them to be more independent. Encouraging self sufficiency is crucial to raising the future adults we want the to be.
The importance of raising a self sufficient child
Raising a self sufficient child offers many benefits, such as:
Feeling confident
Imagine the delight of a three-year-old as he realizes he can wash, soap and dry his own hands, or the pride in a first grade child as he chooses which clothes to wear.
Self sufficiency builds the confidence kids feel in being more independent. After all, being self sufficient is another achievement or milestone he reached. And especially after many tries, finally being able to do something himself feels gratifying.
Your child will beam with confidence as you encourage self sufficiency. He gets to do what you had always done for him. Kids love to feel grown up, and their self-confidence grows right alongside self sufficiency.
You save time
If you’re like me, you’d rather undress your child for him than watch and wait what seems like forever for him to do it. Or your six-year-old takes a good two minutes to tie his laces when you know you can do it in five seconds flat. Doing everything for your child is tempting when you know you can do it faster. Especially when you’re in a rush.
But in the long run, you’ll save everyone more time by encouraging self sufficiency. It might take a while. Your child will take two minutes to tie his laces the first few tries, but after a while, a miracle happens: he’ll also know how to tie laces in five seconds. By doing more for himself, he frees up your time.
I love that my kids can do so many things I used to have to do for them. Simple things like putting on their shoes or cleaning up toys on their own, washing their hands or putting dishes away. Yes, it took time to teach them how to do these things, but now that they’ve learned, their independence has saved me a ton of time.
Read how to encourage kids to clean up after themselves.
Learning the skills they need
We forget what our number one job is as parents. It’s not to make them happy, or even provide them with everything we never had. It’s to raise them to be future adults.
Think about it. If after 18 years, your child still can’t do the things most adults can, then that can’t be a good thing. Self-sufficiency now prepares him for many of the requirements he’ll need as an adult.
Even as children, they’ll need to learn skills to go through childhood independently. Learning how to brush his own hair, or cut his own food, how to problem-solve without giving up.
Opportunities to be self sufficient teaches them important skills they’ll need throughout life. Grit, perseverance, independence, strategy, discipline, and a positive attitude are just some examples.
Read the 8 life skills your child should learn.
How to raise a self sufficient child
Now that you know the importance of raising a self sufficient child, what are a few ways you can practice it at home? Below are a few ideas based on many ages.
During mealtimes
- Encourage your child to take the next step up. If you’re spoon-feeding, you can scoop the food but put the spoon in his hand and guide it toward his mouth. If you’ve been cutting his sandwiches into bite-size pieces, slice it in quarters so he can bite it off.
- Introduce new feeding items. Graduate from sippy cups to regular cups. Introduce a fork so he can poke food. Allow him to use a blunt knife to cut his own meals.
Using the bathroom
- See if your child can pull his pants and undies down or up to use the potty.
- Allow him to turn on the faucet, pump the soap, and scrub and dry his hands.
- Have him undress himself for bath time and place his dirty clothes in the hamper.
Doing chores
- An easy chore to start is having your child wipe surfaces. You can spray while he wipes with a rag.
- Kids can bring plastic dishes to the sink after meal times. Teach them how to properly hold a plate so it doesn’t spill crumbs.
- Implement a clean up time where they put away toys on their own
Struggling with getting your kids to do their chores? Want to develop good habits from the start? Download my Printable Chore List templates to help you and your kids organize chores!
Conclusion
The thought of letting your child do things on his own can be scary. Between my husband and me, I tend to be the one who still does things for kids. It’s faster, less messy, and I can do it much more efficiently and effectively than they can.
But that’s not the point. Raising a self-sufficient child isn’t about who can get it done faster, cleaner or quicker. It’s about raising kids with the confidence and skills to do things on their own.
No spoon-feeding necessary.
p.s. A fantastic children’s book to read about self-sufficiency is All By Myself by Mercer Mayer. (affiliate link)
Get more tips:
- 6 Useful Back to School Tips for Parents and Kids
- Raising College Bound Kids (Because It’s Not Too Early to Start!)
- Help Your Child Transition to Preschool (and Calm Your Nerves as Well!)
- Parenting Your Strong Willed Child
- Help Your Child WANT to Behave
What ways do you encourage self sufficiency in your kids? Which activities were you surprised to realize that your kids had caught on rather quickly? How do you gauge when your kids are ready to be more independent?
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I’m big on encouraging my kiddo to do things herself. But I still occasionally find myself doing something for her without thinking. It’s kind of amazing all the things they can do themselves if you encourage it. My daughter just turned 3 and she’s been demonstrating all kinds of self-sufficiency. Lately this has included running to the freezer, grabbing the chocolate chips and declaring she wants them for breakfast! Needless to say, the chocolate chips have been moved up as we continue to talk about making healthy choices. 🙂
Steph, this made me laugh 🙂 I guess not all independence is exactly desirable!
I know I keep saying this but…I have 3 kids, blah blah blah… ha!
In a nut shell, I did a lot for my first. At 3 years 10 months, when the second one came….ta da! Super independent. It became natural. My second one…independent by 15 months. He now helps me unload the dishwasher (I’m right next to him), he likes to sweep the floor with his miniature broom, and can buckle himself in the car seat!!!
As a teacher (again, blah blah) I can not thank parents enough for having certain expectations that help their child succeed in school.
We want babies for ever but must help them help themselves.
Betty I’ve always heard that kids being a sibling automatically makes them more independent. It’s almost like they have no choice and have to adjust, what with less time from their parents as well as wanting to be the “older” kid.
Also, I think some kids are more prone to wanting to be independent: the kid that doesn’t want her parents to spoon-feed her, for instance, and insists on holding her own utensils. Then there are other kids, which I think my toddler falls into, where he isn’t in any rush to grow up, so I have to be more mindful about allowing him to do things on his own too; otherwise he may never tell me!
When I first began researching educational styles for preschoolers I ran across some Montessori websites that really opened my eyes as to how early kids can do thing for themselves. In fact many of these families don’t even buy unbreakable dishwear for their kids because they teach them the proper way of handling things from an amazingly early age. After that I began to have/let Eli help me and do much more formhimself and he just loved it… I truely saw him blossom. Lately though he has been regressing and wanting me to do more for him. He now requests that I spoon feed him his yogurt. I think it is a reaction to the abrupt weaning we went through due to the pregnancy and the pregnancy and our preparing to welcome another baby into our home. He has also taken to calling himself “Baby Eli” as of late. I’m trying to find the balance between further encouraging his growth toward independence and recognizing his need to still be my baby a while longer.
I can see him taking the steps towards independence, then maybe one step back to make sure that you’re still his little guy. He’s probably thinking, “This is fun, but what if this means Mama never cuddles with me anymore?” Seems like you’re doing a good job of introducing self sufficiency and then seeing where he goes with it. It’s wonderful when they take off and own it themselves as opposed to being forced into it.
My kiddo has shown signs of wanting to be a baby once in a while too. When we say he’s a little boy or big boy he’ll say he’s a baby. I imagine all of this is normal, though.