It’s hard to raise twins, and sometimes it’s easy to feel isolated and alone. Here’s one mom’s open letter to all parents struggling with twins.
If you’re like my husband, you were ecstatic to hear that you were expecting twins. Double the love, right? But if you’re like me, raising twins wasn’t exactly on your preferred list.
You recognized early on it’s hard to raise twins with double the sleep deprivation. Or that you can’t pick up a crying baby from your stroller and keep pushing it along so the other one can keep sleeping. Or you’re juggling between putting one baby to sleep in the swing while carrying the other one in a baby wrap.
You may also find yourself jealous of other parents who only have one baby. And if you have an older child, you feel ridiculous for ever considering that one baby was hard.
Sometimes you’ll meet other twin moms who can’t seem to get enough of their double blessing. This just makes you feel worse when you don’t exactly share the same sentiment.
You also feel guilty for not enjoying your twins when other couples struggle to conceive even one. Or when you hear about children who aren’t in the best of health. “Shouldn’t I be grateful for my healthy babies?” you might ask.
Why it’s hard to raise twins
Yes, you should. But it’s also fine to admit it’s hard to raise twins. Raising twins is so hard. You won’t always love each moment, and that’s okay. You might only have a few positive moments compared to the demands of newborn twins.
You’re faced with situations most people don’t deal with (e.g. “How do I feed two babies at the same time?” or “What do I do when I’m putting one baby to sleep while the other is crying?”).
And so I say to you parents struggling with twins: You’re not alone. Not everyone loves raising twins right from the start. You might not know exactly what to do. That doesn’t make you a bad mom or that you love your kids any less. It’s just hard work, and it’s okay to have bad days.
On your worst days, think how much stronger you are. You’ll surprise yourself with what you can do, from taking care of the twins alone to getting them on the same schedule.
Veteran parents of twins weren’t lying when they say it gets better. I still complain that having twins is hard, but I don’t do it as much as when they were only a few weeks old. And I assume it will continue to get even easier down the line.
I always felt that twin parents are some of the toughest bunch out there. Seriously. It’s not easy doing everything twice, from changing diapers to loading them up in the car seat. It’s not easy dividing our attention between two babies, especially when we do it alone. And it’s not easy taking twins out, for something as simple as a stroll around the block or an errand out of the house.
Each time you get through that one hardship though, you’re adding another “That was hard as hell, but heck yeah I got through it!” moment in your back pocket. Then the next time will get easier and easier.
Plus, with age comes the independence that will free us up bit by bit. There’ll come the time when solid foods replace nursing or preparing bottles. When toddlers can sit up unassisted in the bath. When we can leave the two of them playing on their own. Compared to the crazy first few months, it is hands down much easier down the line.
And perhaps the best thing to do is accept the season you’re in. I found myself feeling more stressed when I wanted to rush to that next stage, when it would hopefully be easier.
I resented the inability to do the things I used to do. But in hindsight, it would’ve been much better to let it go and accept that it’s hard for now. That I don’t need to cook as often as I used to, that piled dishes are okay, and that revolving my day around naps is a temporary hassle.
It’s not about making a miserable moment perfect. Instead, it’s simply accepting that it’s hard right now, but won’t always be.
Yes, be grateful for your double blessing. But it’s also normal when you’re not always too thrilled about it either.
Are you struggling with getting your twins to sleep through the night? One of the hardest parts about raising twins is not getting a full night of sleep. Check out my guide, How to Sleep Train Twins! Download FREE tips, printables and sample chapters below:
Get more tips on raising twins:
- How Caring for Newborn Twins is Different from Singletons
- Moms of Multiples: When Does Caring for Twins Get Easier?
- How to Avoid Excluding Your Non-Twin Child
- Raising Twins after a Singleton
How were your earlier days of raising twins? What are some of your coping mechanisms to get you through the day?