Parenting can take over our lives, making us spend every minute taking care of our kids. Here’s how to balance parenthood with other parts of your life.
Some time ago, I could drive to the gym at eight in the evening and still make it home in time to shower and read a book. I could also run errands (plural!) and feel accomplished for having done so much, all before noon. I could even cook home-made pasta, spending hours in the kitchen with my husband.
Now with kids consuming so many hours of the day, my schedule has changed. I’ve needed to learn how to balance parenthood with life.
As it should. Taking care of kids is one of the most difficult jobs, one where we’re on-the-clock, round the clock.
How to balance parenthood with other parts of your life
Still, is there a way to balance parenthood? One where we can still enjoy our former selves, past hobbies and even keep in touch with friends?
One of the first people that gets put on the back burner with parenthood is… ourselves.
And no wonder. We figure we don’t really need to keep up with our old hobbies. We make sure the kids eat dinner on time but don’t mind if we skip it for tonight. And we even fill every spare moment with tasks, feeling too guilty to spend that time on ourselves.
But, as they say, a happy mom means a happy family. Ease the guilt by telling yourself your kids need you to take care of yourself. Here’s how:
Schedule a day for hobbies
Some hobbies you can squeeze during naps (like reading), while others need several hours (like hiking). It’s really okay to take a full day for yourself.
Think of it as your parenting fuel, with periodic days to recharge. Hire a babysitter or ask your partner to assume solo parenting so you can devote a whole day to a hobby.
Make hobbies a priority
Somewhere between sleep deprivation and kid-related costs, hobbies fall beneath other priorities.
But rekindling hobbies feels refreshing, and the only way to make them happen is to treat them like priorities. Mark them on your calendar. Set aside room in your budget. Treat them as you would any other work meeting or dentist appointment.
Decompress between the kids’ bedtime and your own
I long for the kids’ bedtime, just so I can finally have those precious few hours to myself. This is when you can get uninterrupted time to yourself to do as you please.
Even with all the hours in a day, many couples still don’t get a chance to talk. John de Graaf, author of Take Back Your Time: Fighting Overwork and Time Poverty in America (affiliate link), writes:
Recent studies suggest that dual-income couples find only 12 minutes a day to talk to each other.
Twelve minutes! Seems incredible, but when you think about the long stretch of a workday, the commute, the errands, and the hours of sleep… and those 12 minutes don’t seem so surprising anymore.
Throw in a kid or two (or three!), and time with your partner seems even more scarce. It’s time to reclaim it:
Go on a date night
Ah, the ubiquitous date night that everyone recommends. For a reason: couples need time together, and preferably to discuss anything not kid-related.
As SSBE readers chimed in, date nights can be a night out for dinner or even a special meal at home after the kids are in bed. You need dedicated time just to be with your partner—no distractions, no work.
Gather for family dinners
Okay, so you’re not exactly away from your kids. You have three mouths to feed and wipe while trying to discuss adult topics. Still, gathering everyone together at the dining table establishes a healthy family tradition while making sure you get to spend time with your partner.
Make plans
You may not be able to wing a spontaneous hang out or even a dinner date this week.
Make plans, instead. Jot down on your calendar a time to hang out with your husband. Maybe it’s to take a cooking class together, a trip over the weekend, or even to drop the kids off with grandma so you can hang out the whole day.
Discuss anything but the kids
Preschools, what the kids ate, and who seems to have a stuffy nose… If these are the topics of your date nights, remind yourself to discuss non-kid topics too.
It’s easy to forget what life was like before kids considering how time-consuming they can be. But beneath the diapers and play dates are topics you find interesting and worthwhile to share.
How was your social life before kids? If it was like mine, you ate at restaurants with friends, maybe you met up a bar or went out dancing. You went to every family gathering, reunion or wedding.
With kids? It’s been a little bit different. I’ve missed a total of four weddings because of being pregnant or just having had kids. I don’t see my friends much. Family gatherings are rushed and I can’t stay past 7pm.
Still, it’s possible to rekindle relationships with your friends and family even if you have kids:
Exercise with a friend
“Let’s take a dance class!” I texted my friend last week. It had been too long since I last saw her, and even longer since I’ve done something I enjoy—dancing. Plus it’s actually exercise, so the benefits are threefold: hobby, exercise, friend.
Read more about how to have a social life (even with kids!).
Exercising with a friend checks off two objectives!
Invite people to your home
If you’re like me, you have a baby whom you’d rather not tote around or wonder where he’ll sleep in people’s homes.
The easy solution? Invite people to yours. Keep it simple—no fancy menus or meals. This way, your kids are comfortable at home and can nap if need be, while you can enjoy the company of others.
Commit to regular, scheduled outings
Sometimes accountability is the best way to meet your goals, including maintaining a social life. Hang out with friends to try one new restaurant every month. Have monthly get-togethers with your siblings or close group of friends.
These scheduled outings make it easier to maintain your social ties.
Have lunch with co-workers
If you’re lucky to work with people you get along with, having lunch boosts your presence at work and helps you find something in common with the people you spend the most time with during the week.
Sometimes, parents find it hard to attend happy hours in the evenings. Grabbing lunch or taking a walk breaks up your day and connects you with co-workers.
Kids and career seem to have a pull on you either way. If you’re at work, you feel guilty for not being with the kids. But being with the kids makes you feel like you’re passing up opportunities and responsibilities at work.
How can you balance work and family?
Make mornings easier
No one likes fumbling around in the morning trying to make bottles while whipping up breakfast. Instead, wake up a few minutes earlier than the kids, even just to splash your face with water. You can get breakfast and yourself ready before their day starts.
Read more about making mornings with the kids easier.
Getting your mornings in order can make a huge difference!
Pack the night before
You already know mornings can be brutal. Prepare the night before: plan your outfit, pack your bags and lunches, have everything to take with you by the door.
Get enough sleep
I know, easier said than done, right? But once you’re sleeping, your days at work will zip with energy instead of drag.
Use days off to be with the kids
Those vacation days don’t have to be designated only for vacations but for one-off days as well. Take the kids on outings and errands.
Use your lunch hour for errands
At your desk during lunch? Use that time to schedule appointments or buy diapers (in the store or even online).
Establish your limits
Whether leaning in (affiliate link) or out, establish your limits. I applaud moms for aiming high, but not to the detriment of their health or relationships.
Find support with your partner
Mothers pushing forward with their careers will have an easier time with the support of their partners. This might mean dads work a later shift so mom can work an earlier one. Or dad stays at home so mom can dedicate more time to her career.
Read more about finding work-life balance.
Conclusion
No doubt, parenthood changes our lives. We have less time to ourselves, our hobbies, friends, family, partners and careers. For such little people, kids sure do take up a ton of our time.
But no matter how much our kids need us, it’s still possible—necessary, even—to balance parenthood with other parts of our lives. It may not mean living exactly how we used to, but we can still incorporate our hobbies and special relationships into parenthood.
I’ve yet to make that homemade pasta again, and I haven’t driven to the gym in years (though I can’t blame parenthood for that!). But we can still find ways to prioritize other parts of our lives, even with the time constraints and responsibilities of being a mom.
Get more tips:
- The Surprising Factor that Gives You Work-Life Balance
- How to Make Time for Yourself (Even If You Have Kids!)
- The Biggest Reason Parents Should Have a Life Besides Kids
- How to Have a Social Life (Even If You Have Kids)
- How Important Are Looks to You Now that You’re a Mom?
Your turn: How do you balance parenthood? What are the biggest challenges you face trying to balance parenthood with everything else? Share your stories in the comments!
Get time management strategies, FREE!
Do you feel overwhelmed balancing the needs of your family and your role as a mom? Struggling to find the time to get everything done? Get organized with a FREE copy of my ebook, Time Management Strategies for the Overwhelmed Mom!
My approach to self-care and time with my husband take a page from toddler diet wisdom I heard years ago—Don’t gauge how balanced their diet is on a daily basis, look at it over the course of a week or two.
It’s easy to get caught up in failing at something if you only give yourself 12 hours to accomplish it.
Now, off to bookmark this page as a great reminder…
Love that approach, Amanda. Good reminder that not everything has to fit so evenly within one waking day.
Getting up early has been a game changer for me. I can squeeze in a quick workout and get prepped for the day before my son is awake. It’s so helpful!
I did this this past weekend Katie—I actually woke up early, worked out, showered and prepared breakfast before everyone woke up. I admit it’s probably the only time I would exercise. By the time night hits, I’m spent and just want to relax.
I do two things that I think made a big difference. First, we are consistent about bedtime. The time after the kids are asleep is hobby time, or mom and dad time, reading time, or veg in front of the TV time, if that’s what I feel like doing. Two, my mom friends and I do a monthly dinner out. Those are incredibly refreshing.
I love that post-kids bedtime, pre-adult bedtime chunk of time. I’d have to say having those is what made life feel normal again after each time I had a newborn. It’s those times where you can revert back to some aspects of your pre-kids life again!
We decided I would stay at home with our three kids full-time after our youngest was born a year ago. I didn’t realize how much being at work counted as “socializing” for me until I no longer had it for an outlet. So now I am dying to escape the house! And actually, my main two things for staying sane are the same two as Courtney’s above.
All our kids are in bed by 7:30 PM. The 4 year-old and 3 year-old still talk to each other in their room, but lights are out and they stay in bed. My husband and I need that time together before he leaves to be at work by 10 PM.
And what gives me a break from my kids AND husband is our Mommy Margarita night. 🙂 Some friends and I meet up monthly at a local Mexican restaurant and sit there eating and drinking tequila-heavy drinks for a minimum of 2 hours every time. Just last month we all discussed how our mommy margs were the highlight of our month sometimes.
And it is so true about choosing whether or not to attend something based on “will I have any fun if I have to chase my kids around/make them be quiet/miss nap times/ etc”. Sometimes as a parent you have to decide what is really worth it, and I think that is hard for some child-less friends to understand. The one thing I have found to be the biggest bummer is when a friend doesn’t invite you to something because they figure you can’t come since you have children. I hate when that happens because usually if I know in advance, I make sure my husband can be at home with the kids or I can hire a babysitter. The same thing happened when I got married: some of my single friends stopped inviting me to do things with them because they figure I “was married now.” I’m still the same person, I just require a bit more time to plan.
Vanessa I’ve had that happen to me a few times as well, where I was left out of an invite on the premise that I probably wouldn’t be able to attend. Like you said, it just takes a bit of planning to be able to go.
7:30 was our bedtime too, and it’s so important for us! Just tonight we watched a DVD and I was able to squeeze in a workout.
And based on you and Courtney’s advice, I should set up a monthly dinner out! The most I’m doing now is a monthly dance class with a friend of mine. Such a good outlet!
I believe the 12 minutes thing- by the time my husband gets home and Dylan goes to bed, we are both so burnt out that we don’t even WANT to talk, at all. Sometimes I push the issue, sometimes he makes more of an effort than me, but either way we could both stand to set a date night aside. Preparing the night before is such an easy and guaranteed way to buy yourself more time when “tomorrow” hits. It thrills me that you countdown the kids bedtime like I do- because when I read your post I feel like you’re reading my mind! Even when you tweeted this post I thought “omg how does she know.”
Rebecca I just laughed at your comment about not even wanting to talk lol! I admit I’ve felt the same and I’m sure so has my husband. We just want to decompress and zone out!
Every night after the kids are in bed we watch a show or two or a movie and eat snacks and/or dessert. I look forward to it every day! It’s a great release for me to forget about the cares of the day.
Yup! That’s totally me and my husband. We watch movies we borrow from the library, or go through Netflix, and eat any kind of desserts without having to share with the kids lol.
Finding balance between work, blog, home, kids and spouse can be overwhelming at times. I love the tip of combining multiple priorities (exercise, hobby, friendship) into single activities. And as far as friendships go, I’ve had to learn to let go of some where my friends just aren’t in the same place as me (and have little or no understanding). We’ve been making new friends with other parents. Play dates are the best…we often combine play dates with dinner, so the kids get to have a great time, you get to spend time with friends (hopefully) and dinner for at least one family is taken care of.
Leslie I noticed that since having kids I’ve also lost ties with some people. We’re still cool, but on different pages of our lives, so we ended up not chatting as much, or talking as much. It’s funny because it’s not like all I talk about is kids. But I think we naturally don’t have as much to relate to as we once did. Thankfully that doesn’t happen often to me and still have several non-parent friends.
And yes, combo activities are awesome. Play dates are cool, even informal ones (which is basically all I do nowadays). You get to hang out with friends, your kids get to hang out with other kids. So glad you’re able to do the same with your friends, and doing so over dinner is a great idea!
12 minutes a day? Unbelievable…yet believable as I’ve been caught up with stuff for the last 2 weeks & haven’t really talked to my hubs except over the weekend in the car when there was nothing else to distract me. Sad.
Yeah, there are some nights where I think, “Looks like we had a 12 minutes a day kind of day.” I hate when that happens and do my best the next time to interact more. I think my husband knows this too, even if he may not be aware of the statistics, where we just want to be in each other’s company and turn the computers off.