How to Build a Close Relationship with Your Child

Want to remain close to your kids well into their adulthood? Here’s how to build a close relationship with your child, starting now.

How to Build a Close Relationship with Your ChildMany years from now, we’ll stop doing everything for our kids. They’ll learn to follow their own paths and decisions, only turning to us for advice or support. They’ll be teens and adults, and the majority of our parenting duties will have finished.

In those years, what will your relationship become? And is there a way to create a close bond with your child now that extends into his adulthood?

I’d like to think so.

We can’t choose our kids, their temperaments, or the circumstances that shape their lives. But we can act now to build healthy relationships throughout their lives.

Your relationship with your child starts now and extends throughout your shared lives. Beginning with the end in mind, how do you create a positive parent-child relationship? Keep these parenting principles in mind:

Parenting Principles

1. Give your child space

Imagine your future adult child being able to say that she has a great, easy relationship with her parents. One of the best ways to leave that impression is to give her the space she needs to grow.

Even at an early age, let her have her own activities, friendships, and passions without your constant hovering. Don’t swoop in to intervene at every challenge or micromanage her every move. Allow her to forge her own paths while you’re still close enough to help her chart the course if she needs it.

Free email challenge: Looking for actionable steps and quick wins in parenting? The Better Parenting 5-Day Challenge is for parents who know they want to improve but need that little nudge and supportive guidance to do so.

Over 5 days, we’ll tackle one actionable tip per day that can change the way you raise your child. This is your chance to challenge yourself and make the changes you’ve been meaning to make. Sign up today!

Better Parenting 5-Day Challenge

2. Listen

One of the best things you can do for your child is to listen to her. That may not always be easy when she has a lot to say, but try to stay present for her stories, songs, and constant questions.

And listen without judgment. That way, she knows that no matter her behavior or the mistakes she has made, you’ll always listen, love her, and be there for her.

3. Live in the moment

Living in the moment with your child is key to building a life-long, close relationship. When she looks back at her best memories from childhood, more than likely, these will be filled with quality time when you were present with her.

Maybe it’s an afternoon playing in the dirt in the backyard, listening to stories you told while cooking dinner, or playing a board game as a family. No matter what the activity, being present and attuned can leave the best memories.

Read more about what your kids will remember about you.

Your Kids Will Remember

4. Withhold judgment

Do you wish you could’ve been more open with your own parents? Our parents weren’t always open to certain topics, or they kept things private. You may have even been afraid to tell them what your friends were up to, or mistakes you’ve made.

As a parent, you can decide that no topic is off the table with your child. Ask conversation starters for kids, talk about her emotions, and take her questions seriously. Welcome her with warmth, no matter the topic.

She will seek advice from somewhere—make it so that you’re one of the first places she turns to. By building that relationship now, you send the message that she can trust you and count on you, no matter what.

Conversation Starters for Kids

5. Be their parents, not their friends

It’s natural for parents to want to be liked by their children. That’s holding your ground can be difficult while your child yells that she doesn’t like you.

But your role is that of a parent first, and a friend second. Yes, you share the same dynamics a friendship would, but your primary role is to be her guide and teacher. As James Lehman, MSW writes on Empowering Parents:

“You are your child’s authority—that’s your role and responsibility. Do you have an emotional relationship with your child? Yes. But if you try to be friends with your child, it comes at the cost of your authority, and it undermines your role as a parent.

Practically speaking, your child can find another friend, but your child can’t find another parent. You and only you can be your child’s parent, and that’s why you need to be the parent and not the friend.”

As a parent, you always have her best interest in mind, even if it means being unpopular in her opinion. She might not like an early bedtime or losing screen time privileges, but these rules and responsibilities can serve her better.

6. Watch your reactions

My then-four-year-old casually mentioned, “Did you know I have a girlfriend?”

Surprised, I caught myself and didn’t tease or make a fuss out of it (“Oooooh… you have a giiiirrrllfriend!”). Instead, I reacted in the same way I would hear another one of his pleasant tidbits about school. “I didn’t know. Tell me more—what’s her name?”

I didn’t want him to wonder why his mom was teasing him and decide that he should keep his mouth shut next time.

I’d also like my kids to feel comfortable talking to me without wondering if I might worry. If my first reaction is to worry, they won’t tell me anything because they wouldn’t want me to freak out.

7. Accept your kids for who they are

We don’t make our kids—they are their own persons. The quicker we recognize and cherish this, the better we can accept who they are.

Embrace your child’s introversion, however difficult it may be for your extroverted self. Don’t pressure him to excel in sports when he’d rather play music. Get to know him, and celebrate who he is.

Sometimes we have these dreams for our kids. We imagine they’re successful or making a distinguished mark in the world. These expectations can prevent them from shining in ways they feel most themselves.

8. Allow your child to make decisions

Disclosure: This article contains affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

You choose your child’s clothes and select his school. You determine bedtimes and even schedule play dates. But as he grows, allow him to make decisions—including mistakes.

We can’t—and shouldn’t—always save our kids. Otherwise, we’d prevent them from building resilience or learning right and wrong. They wouldn’t develop the ability to make better decisions next time without relying on us.

According to Eric Greitens, Navy SEAL and author of Resilience:

“Protecting children from all suffering is, in fact, one of the only ways to ensure that they will be overwhelmed and badly hurt one day. They will have none of the resources, the experiences, the spiritual reserves of courage and fortitude necessary to make it through future difficulties.”

Conclusion

My kids and I were reading together, snuggled close on the bed. They’re still young enough to draw them close and plant a kiss on the top of their heads. We sang silly songs and giggled over even sillier jokes.

It won’t always be this way.

They’ll grow too tall for me to plant a kiss on the top of their heads. Too mature to giggle over quirky jokes, and too independent to read aloud together. They’ll have grown into young adults.

Still, I know that love finds ways to express itself, regardless of age or time, thanks to the close relationship I’m building with them now.

Get more parenting tips:

Don’t forget: Join my newsletter and sign up for the Better Parenting 5-Day Challenge today!

Better Parenting 5-Day Challenge

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

2 Comments

  1. Great article and gives me great ideas as mom…

    1. Nina Garcia says:

      Yay, I’m so glad Adriana, and thank you! I’m happy the article resonated with you. ~Nina