How to Be a Happy Mom

Not all moments of motherhood are perfect, and being a parent can be downright hard. Discover how to be a happy mom even in tough times.

How to Be a Happy Mom“Does it get better?”

It’s the question we all ask, whether we’re first-time moms blown away by this new role, or even seasoned moms facing different challenges.

We hear other moms who won’t stop swooning over their new babies, sleep-deprived and everything. Other friends seem to have “easy” babies who don’t give as much trouble as ours do. Meanwhile, we’re beyond exhausted.

Like many exhausted moms, I couldn’t function on less than eight hours of sleep during those first few months. I was rude to my family, complained more than I coddled, and was often downright miserable.

If you can relate, rest assured you’re not alone, friend. And more importantly, how you feel is normal and common.

What do you do if you’re pining for your old life instead of feeling overjoyed and blessed? How can you manage your emotions on top of your new responsibilities? Take a look at these tips on how to be a happy mom and turn things around:

1. Grieve your expectations

We don’t give enough weight to the expectations we carry before what eventually befalls us. You may have wanted a girl and feel compelled to bury your resentment or disappointment of having a boy. Or the news of a pregnancy might have thrown you for a loop when you weren’t even trying to have a baby.

I was so shocked when I learned I was having twins that I cried for a week. This wasn’t in my “plans,” and I worried about our future, from how my body would carry two babies to how we’d ever afford this. Meanwhile, I was supposed to be on cloud nine and feel grateful.

If you harbored expectations and they weren’t met, give yourself the time to grieve for what isn’t or couldn’t be. You’re not a horrible mom for hoping for something else.

These thoughts need to be addressed and accepted, not brushed under the rug. Even writing them down in a journal can be a refreshing habit to accept and let go of these challenging feelings.

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2. Understand that things do get better

As a first-time mom, I’d get irritated when anyone would promise me that it’ll get better. Really? When? Because when you’re dreading the evenings and wondering whether you’re even fit to be a mom, “It’ll get better” isn’t coming fast enough.

Yet it did, and it can for you, too. Maybe when…

  • your baby sleeps through the night (or at least longer chunks of it)
  • he can put himself to sleep
  • you have a routine and schedule in place
  • he can communicate better
  • he’s more self-sufficient and independent
  • you’re no longer pumping, nursing, or bottle-feeding
  • he doesn’t have colic or gas
  • he smiles
  • your hormones are more balanced
  • he takes consistent naps
  • you can practice more self-care

And most importantly, when you’ve adjusted to your new role and feel like you’ve grown into a better mom. Motherhood can be a difficult adjustment. You can’t prepare for this role, regardless of how many books, classes, or babysitting you’ve done.

Imagine being thrown into this predicament that has been called one of the most difficult jobs. It’s hard to see how things can get any better when every week, every night, seems to stretch forever.

But those days and weeks turn into months and one day, you’ll see that your baby slept longer than usual. The piles of dishes and laundry are more manageable. And you now know how to open and fold the darn stroller, toss it in the car, and take your baby for an outing—all on your own.

When you feel more confident in your abilities, things become second nature.

Read 6 reasons motherhood is hard.

Motherhood Is Hard

3. Change your scenery

When you feel stuck in a rut, a change in your environment can be all it takes to recharge and feel better. You could:

  • Have someone watch the baby. Use this time to do whatever you want or need to do: get enough sleep, take a shower, eat at a restaurant, read a book, exercise. Asking for help does not mean you’re failing.
  • Take the baby for a stroll. Getting fresh air and sun can help change your mood.
  • Stay in. Are you not confident about taking the baby out yet? Stay indoors. Sometimes bundling him, plus the bag and stroller, is more of a hassle than staying home.
  • Talk to other moms. Whether online, over the phone, or in person, discuss the joys and challenges of motherhood with fellow moms.
  • Get your partner on board. Dad is a co-parent, not a babysitter. Find ways to get him involved in the household, freeing you up emotionally and physically.
  • Clear the clutter. Having your home feel comfortable and tidy can lift your spirits and turn a bad mood around (yes, even if things will get messy again!).

4. Don’t feel guilty about how you feel

You might compare yourself to other moms who have endless patience for their kids or the right balance between parenthood and their other hobbies. Moms who seem so, so happy.

Except… it’s an unfair comparison. We all go through tough times, even the ones who seem to have a perfect, happy life. You’re being more honest about your feelings when you say you’re not always happy and are often in tears.

Life with a new baby is a drastic change and can take a toll on your mental health. Even if this isn’t your first, you likely adjusted to a new norm that was interrupted by this big change.

Try not to get down on yourself about the sadness or guilt you may feel—you’re a human being who’s allowed to feel this way.

Adjusting to Motherhood

5. Make the best of what you have

We’re most unhappy when we continue to pine for what we can’t or don’t have. Choose to accept your situation and find the positives instead.

For instance, change your perspective and treat hanging out with your kids as something fun. Remind yourself that people love visiting babies for reasons you may not be able to appreciate or see. Those gurgling laughs, your baby’s cute face, the comforting way he sleeps in your arms.

Because childhood goes by fast, both its challenges and its joys.

Use this time to make the most of your situation. Change your mindset and you may find yourself enjoying the moments with your baby, both the good ones and even the “bad.”

Visiting a New Mom

Conclusion

Deep breath, friend. This is a vulnerable period in your life. Thankfully, being a happy mom doesn’t have to feel like an elusive goal.

Start by grieving whatever expectations you may have had before becoming a mom. Know that things do get better over time, even if it can be hard to see that now. Change your scenery, from doing something new to making sure your partner is supportive.

Don’t feel guilty about how you feel, especially when it seems like you’re the only one who feels that way. And lastly, choose to make the most of what you have. Finding the positive can be all it takes to change the stories you tell yourself about motherhood.

No matter where you are and the circumstances you find yourself in, know that it does get better—even if it seems like it isn’t coming fast enough.

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12 Comments

  1. A healthy baby is great, but that doesn’t change the trauma to you to get him or her here! I hate when ppl say that, it not only sweeps the mom’s experience under the rug, but it implies that mom is now her whole identity anyway, so who SHE is, and her transition to adding this new role to that, doesn’t exist or isn’t important. Big help – not. The cleft lip thing is similar, but I for one wouldn’t know what to say that wouldn’t make it sound like I was adding insult to injury. Maybe asking if nursing/feeding was going okay? Moms of clefties, what do you think?

    1. I know, it’s always kind of tough when you don’t know what to say.

  2. I think we need to get over this perpetuated fallacy of motherhood as the defining action for fulfilment and joy. Motherhood is worry, loneliness, annoyance, irritation, anger, pain and stress along with life’s other emotions. Whilst trying to manage the sacrifice and challenge of motherhood we are taught to perceive it as a blessing that not only completes your existence but gives meaning to your life. Rationalising the reality and commercialised fantasy we are sold is as exhausting as it is futile. This is just life

    1. Nina Garcia says:

      So true Elaine. It’s a bad message to send when we say women need kids to feel fulfilled. There are definitely so many other emotions tied to motherhood, and many are difficult to deal with. I do believe though that we can find joy and grow as mothers, but we shouldn’t turn to our kids to find meaning in our lives. I actually wrote a whole article about not using our kids to feel “complete” if you want to check it out: https://sleepingshouldbeeasy.com/living-through-your-kids/

  3. Karla Garcia says:

    Wow this post came to me like a gift l, like a hint. I’ve been feeling so down lately. I had 2 babies after 10 years of having my first 2 and after having the one that’s a toddler now I was ok, but now I also have a 1 year old and it’s super hard, I feel so overwhelmed, it’s like I can’t get anything done. I reminisce on how my life could of been right now if I only had my 2 teenagers, I miss my old life but at the same time I love my lil babies. It’s just hard. Thank u for this post

    1. Nina Garcia says:

      Hugs, Karla! It’s definitely hard with little ones to take care of, especially after a gap of not having to deal with it for a while. Balancing the two emotions of loving it and struggling at the same time is hard for any mom. <3

  4. My biggest struggle with parenting would be keeping calm I think. I have anxiety and have days where I’m almost always on edge. We’re just always stuck in the house 99% of the time, and I know that’s not great for a toddler or healthy for adults really either. I try to get out when I can but most days I just don’t have the energy. So I think my biggest struggle would be staying calm cause my toddler’s always trying to get attention and/or kicking me, screaming or something. It’s just been extremely stressful lately and I’ve been doing my best to keep it together.

    1. Nina Garcia says:

      I hear ya, Victoria. It’s rough being indoors all this time, on top of the anxiety. I think you know your answer, which is to try to get out as much as possible. That could be as simple as a walk around the block, or even a treat at a restaurant. Because you’re totally right—the more stressed we are, the more likely we’ll take it out on the kids or have less patience than we would otherwise.

  5. Hi Nina, My son is 2 months old. One minute I am happy but a few minutes I am overwhelmed. And I get overwhelmed often. Some say it’s baby blues and some say it’s post natal depression. Some say it will take 3 months to go away for the hormones to settle and some say longer. Is this normal the way I feel? Do I need to see the doctor? I keep on thinking maybe by 3 months it will get better.

    1. Nina Garcia says:

      It’s normal and common to feel down after having a baby, if not because of the hormones, then because having a baby is such a drastic and overnight change from what you’re used to. I remember really thinking life was horrible and I wanted my old life back.

      That said, it’s still important to talk to your doctor about it so she can better gauge whether you need further help, if not medicine then at least support. It never hurts to tell a doctor your concerns. Even if you’re simply left to wait, then you’ll at least have the peace of mind instead of the worry.

  6. I have compared myself to others and I don’t like the anxiety it gives me. I feel like I should be doing more, I should be more organized, prettier, a better personality etc. I don’t like it at all! I deleted my Instagram because it would trigger all of it. I do realize I have much more than others. Practicing gratitude definitely helps. I would create a fictitious woman or mom to compare myself to. I know its one of my top struggles.

    1. Nina Garcia says:

      I totally think you did the right thing in deleting the triggers. Yes, we shouldn’t just run from our triggers—I’m learning that we remain in “victim” mode when we choose avoidance at all costs—but at the same time, we also don’t have to face it on a daily basis, or more than we need to. I’m also trying to practice more self-care, and self-love, reminding myself of why I AM worthy of all that life has to offer. We forget how amazing we are, that we, by our birthright, are whole and complete human beings, deserving of so much <3