How to Respond to Your Child Using Bad Language

Have your kids stumped you by blurting out a bad word, whether innocently or intentionally? Learn how to respond correctly to a child using bad language.

Child Using Bad LanguageFrom outright R-rated words to the less offensive ones, hearing your child say a bad word can feel shocking.

First, you’re surprised, maybe even guilty because there’s a good chance you know where she must’ve picked it up from. Then, you react and discipline her regardless of whether she said it with intention or not.

Other times, she’s not even aware that she said a bad word but knows that she’s triggered something in you based on your reaction. And finally, you cringe hearing an offensive word that sounds so grating to your ears. It’s just not the type of offensive language you expect or prefer to hear coming from her.

How to respond to your child using bad language

My kids have said inappropriate language. The outright horrible ones were said without knowing they were bad. For instance, one of them joked and said, “What’s a witch that’s a boy?” before blurting the B-word, not knowing it was taboo. Another saw the F-word out and about and read it aloud, not knowing what it meant.

But other times, I know they’ve picked a word up from me, like when one asked in casual conversation, “What the hell was that?” They weren’t even teenagers or tweens, but young children who could’ve only picked up that new word from me.

And still, at other times, a “bad” word could simply be an offensive one you’d rather they not use or hear. I discourage them from saying “stupid,” and they’ve categorized the word “dumb” as a bad one.

As offensive or shocking as it is to hear a child using bad language, avoid jumping to conclusions, punishments, or power struggles. Instead, use the moment to teach valuable lessons, better ways to communicate, and the type of language you want your family to use (including ourselves!).

When your child says a bad word, respond correctly and swiftly with the following tips:

1. Respond, don’t (over)react

It’s hard hearing your child using bad language, both benign but disrespectful to more serious offenders. Our reactions can range from swift discipline to apologizing to everyone within earshot.

But keep your cool and stay calm. If he isn’t aware of what he did wrong, your reaction might scare him. It might even make him feel ashamed of something he doesn’t understand. You can imagine how unfair it is to be disciplined when he doesn’t even know what he did wrong.

Another point? If he sees you react over a word, he might say it more often to get a rouse out of you. He’s now aware that this word carries extra weight and touches a nerve.

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2. Don’t ignore it, either

Another common assumption is to take the opposite approach. You don’t say anything, hoping the silence can prevent your child from saying the bad word any further.

This might work the first time or two. But any more than that, and she might assume that this is an acceptable word to say.

For instance, my son was frustrated with his toys when he exclaimed “Bam!” in a way that sounded like “Damn!” I ignored it at first, trying not to make a big deal. But he’d say it a few other times for the same reasons.

Rather than ignore it completely, I explained why it was inappropriate to say. We discussed how some taboo words can offend others or cause harm, even if it isn’t his intention, and that it’s best to avoid saying them at all.

3. Help your child find alternatives

Being frustrated is a normal feeling, but perhaps your child can use a less offensive word to express how he feels.

For instance, my son huffed a loud “Jesus!” when he felt frustrated with a set of building toys he was trying to create. I knew full well where he picked that up from (more on that later).

First, I showed empathy and acknowledged that he felt upset. Then, I told him not to say that word because it can be offensive.

I then offered alternatives that are less grating, like “sheesh” or “darn.” He also doesn’t even have to say anything at all and instead take a few deep breaths or ask for help. Sometimes, kids simply need feedback and alternatives to words we don’t want them to say.

4. Tell others not to swear around your kids

Do other adults yell f-bombs left and right, often within hearing shot of your child? Make sure they know not to use profanity around him.

You can do this with humor or even blame it on your own “crazy parenting.” With enough exposure, kids hearing adults who curse might think this behavior is normal. They learn best from watching what others do, not what they’re told to avoid.

This brings me to…

5. Watch your own language

I knew all too well where the kind of language (even if not the outright expletives) came from when my kids would say “Jesus,” “Bam,” or “hell.”

Me.

In frustration, I’d mutter an expletive under my breath and hope they didn’t hear. Though I’m pretty good about staying away from them, the swear words would still slip out once in a while.

After hearing them mimic this bad habit, I became more aware when reacting to situations and using bad words. The use of foul language is just something I couldn’t keep doing.

If cursing is a mainstay in your vocabulary, tone down the four-letter words or find more appropriate language to say instead. Control your reactions so you have a few seconds to consider the situation before saying a bad word.

6. Admit if you do it too

If your child happens to call you out with an honest, “But you say it too!”, fess up and admit it. Acknowledge that you slipped and also need to work on it. Better yet, thank him for pointing it out and reminding you.

Admitting your faults won’t lessen your authority. Instead, you can reiterate that these family values apply to everyone, not just kids. And confessing can make you more committed to setting a better example.

Conclusion

Hearing your child using bad language can trigger many emotions, from shock to guilt. Curb his use of bad words by responding, not reacting, when he does. At the same time, don’t ignore it either, as he might assume that it’s okay to keep saying them (whether he knows they’re “bad” or not).

Give him more appropriate words to use that aren’t offensive. Then, stop other adults from saying curse words around him, including yourself. And if he calls you out on your use of bad words, admit your wrongdoing and pledge to do better.

Talking about bad words makes sure you address their use before the issue gets worse—even if it starts as innocent as “Bam!”

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