Ever wonder whether you’re doing enough for your kids? Check out these 7 reasons you’re doing fine as a mom.
We moms often wonder whether we’re doing enough. We compare ourselves to others, or we feel guilty for working or not working. Or we worry we’re screwing up our kids for the things we failed to do.
But guess what: you’re doing fine as a mom, and probably way better than you give yourself credit for.
Here are 7 reasons you’re doing fine as a mom:
#1: You’re reading this.
Someone who goes through the trouble to click and read a parenting post is doing just fine in my books. The first step in improving anything in our lives is wanting to do so. And that includes reading parenting books and blogs or asking for parenting advice on mom boards.
#2: You regret the mistakes you’ve made.
It’s a pretty good sign when you can feel remorse over the mistakes you’ve made. Maybe you yelled at your child and wished you could take it back. Or you realize you kept your baby awake too long and vowed not to overtire him next time. Feeling bad reminds us that we want to correct our mistakes.
#3: Your biggest priority is your child.
My sister asked me if I’d like to attend my niece’s play. My first thought? I needed to know the time of the play. You know, to see if it cuts into nap time.
Moms do things like that. Any scenario and the first thing we consider are our kids. We think about big decisions like asking for a flexible work schedule to be with our kids. Or small decisions like making sure the leftover pasta is enough for the kids’ lunch tomorrow.
Moms, don’t ‘martyr’ yourself by assuming the parenting role and nothing else. And I get it: like I said, we need to consider our kids above many decisions we make. But we also need to make time for ourselves. Maybe that’s a few hours before the baby goes to bed, or attending a monthly knitting club. Or making sure parenting duties fall on both you and your partner’s shoulders and not just yours.
Sacrifice doesn’t make one mom better than another. And sometimes, we can avoid those sacrifices if we made more time for ourselves.
#5: You laugh with your kids.
Parenting isn’t—shouldn’t—be all serious talk. I remind myself that other people who don’t get to see my kids often would love to spend time with them. Kids are fun! If you’re laughing at their latest funny face or at how they play with one another, you’re doing just fine as a mom.
#6: You’re doing what works for you.
I’ll bet that for everything I write in this blog, there’s another parent who swears by the opposite. And guess what: I doubt either of us is any better than the other. Truth is, we do what works for us.
Not as a cop out to imply we can remain naive, or get a pass for every mistake we make. Rather, you know your kids and your situation pretty darn well. You may put your kids to bed by 7pm while your friend puts hers at 10:30pm. We all have our own ways of doing things, and more than likely, you’re doing just as fine as she is.
No matter how confident we feel, we’ll still doubt whether we’re doing the best for our kids. We wonder if we’re letting them play with the iPad too much. We worry they don’t get to socialize with other children enough. Or it feels like we’ve yelled one time too many and our tempers are escalating.
When you regret your actions, remember these two things:
- We’re not perfect. We’ve made mistakes and will continue to do so. Let’s be kinder to ourselves and set realistic expectations.
- We did the best we could with the knowledge we had then. Everything is a “should’ve” in hindsight. Of course we should’ve done this and that, but we only realize that down the line. Many times, we did what we did because that was what we thought was the best. Or that was all that we could do at that time.
Let’s be kind to ourselves and let it go. Your kids won’t remember if they had extracurricular classes or their own bedrooms. Even if they remember you yelled, they’ll understand you felt tired. Find the areas you need to improve and continue to work on them.
As I was writing notes for this post, my six-year-old asked me what I was doing. “I’m writing about being a mom,” I answered. Then I turned to him and asked, “What do you think? What makes a mom a good mom?”
His eyes turned upward as he considered the question. And with the simplicity found in children, he replied, “Love.”
So I share the seventh way you know you’re doing fine as a mom, courtesy of my son:
You love your child. We give them the basics like food and shelter as well as luxuries like toys and entertainment. But we shower our kids with love. Rest assured, your kids know you’re doing fine as a mom. And that’s the most important opinion, after all.
Discuss more topics on motherhood:
- Why Motherhood Is Hard for You
- Small Habits to Improve Your Parenting
- How I Failed as a Mom… and Why It Wasn’t as Bad as I Thought
- I Don’t WANT to ‘Cherish Every Moment’: What I Won’t Miss about Parenthood
- Dear Kids, Sometimes I’m a Horrible Mom to You
Tell me in the comments: When are the moments you realize you’re doing fine as a mom?
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