Parenthood can feel like overwhelming and exhausting. Learn how to handle parent burnout and enjoy spending time with your children once again.
Seriously, some days I’m too tired to even be tired.
Every evening, I survive yet another night of giving my attention to three little people who want it all at the same time. I wash dish after dish, cook dinner, clean anything that looks disgusting, and pick up a never-ending supply of toys on the floor.
I end every night sweating, as if I had come from an exercise session, when all I did was bathe, dress and read to the kids.
One night, I wanted to crash after the kids were asleep only to remember I still had to pack lunches for the next day. Holy cow, I have to do this every day for the next several years, I thought. Not a good way to start a supposedly relaxing evening.
Parenting comes with its own exhaustion that arrives right along with the baby, no matter how organized or prepared you normally are. When you realize that changing diapers and giving baths aren’t going away soon, you’re hit with parent burnout.
How to handle parent burnout
We’ve all had bouts of parent burnout. Left unchecked, signs of parent burnout can lead to chronic unhappiness, difficulty connecting with kids and insurmountable pressures. When the days feel rough, consider the following ways you can prevent and deal with parent burnout:
1. Don’t over-commit
With parenthood, we not only have our former responsibilities, but must now adopt new ones with the kids. Commitments can come in many forms, from invitations to go out to accepting projects at work.
But commitments can also come from self-imposed pressures and obligations.
Decide which commitments are both necessary and enjoyable. I happened to love making homemade baby food and easily sacrificed my time to do that task. Yours might be your weekly yoga class, attending play dates or cleaning your home.
Once you have your priorities, go easy on other commitments. It’s okay to say no, especially to avoid parent burnout.
2. Take care of yourself
Parent burnout often results from neglecting our health.
We put ourselves last and everyone else first. From not getting enough sleep to eating processed food, we neglect our health and wellness. And for obvious reasons—we have no time, much less inclination, to focus on our well-being when so much else needs our attention.
But allowing ourselves to crumble actually does everyone else a disservice. We can’t take care of others when we ourselves are physically unwell. And chronic unhappiness can lead to resentment and a difficult relationship with our kids.
Instead, focus on your wellness over others and take care of yourself. Squeeze in that workout, get your partner to wake up with the baby—anything to find time for yourself, even if it’s so you can better care for others.
3. Set realistic expectations
One challenge with parenthood is reconciling our former lives with our new ones. Maybe you had high standards for home maintenance, or relied on your nightly routine of reading an hour before bed.
So when the kids come, it’s hard to maintain the same lifestyle you’ve grown used to and fond of.
Truth is, we can’t do everything we used to do before having kids. We have less time and more responsibilities that prevent us from doing so. Instead, set realistic expectations. What can you realistically do given your current circumstances?
Maybe you won’t deep clean every weekend and instead focus on a daily wipe down. You may not be able to read for a long stretch, but you can find pockets of time while you nurse the baby.
Accept—don’t resist—the season you’re in, and find creative ways to incorporate past hobbies and standards of living. For everything else that isn’t a priority, learn to let it go and be content crossing off the top items on your priority list.
4. Make time for yourself
Part of what makes parent burnout exhausting is the sheer lack of time we have for ourselves. Every minute seems dedicated to someone else, from work to kids to family. When you feel yourself burning out, that’s when you know you need to make time for yourself.
Ironic though, isn’t it? You’d think the moment you realize you have no time is when you should put yourself on the back burner. But finding time for yourself is key to avoiding parent burnout. Think of it as a way to recharge and see your challenges in a new light.
Even a few minutes to yourself is enough to feel refreshed. The activity doesn’t matter, as long as you feel good and emerge restored. For some moms, it’s finally getting some chores done alone, while for others it’s the opportunity to sleep in.
5. Find support
Do you feel like you’re shouldering all the responsibilities on your own? Find support to help ease them away. Share household duties with your partner and older children, or outsource tasks you’d rather not do.
Or maybe you feel alone and need a listening ear, someone who understands what you’re going through without judgment. Join a local moms group to help you and your kids meet new friends, or an online community to share common struggles and wins.
6. Don’t compare yourself to others
If you’re like me, you’ve found yourself guilty of comparing yourself to others, only to feel worse for doing so.
Maybe it’s that time you logged onto Facebook and saw friends’ travel photos or amazing weekend activities they did with their kids. Or it was hearing news of your coworker buying an enormous house, one you can’t see yourself affording anytime soon.
But every family is doing what’s best for them with the means they have. You could be biding your time to travel until the kids are older, or saving money for a down payment in the meantime. Comparing yourself only stresses you out, especially when there’s little you can do about it.
7. Create memories, not perfection
Ask yourself: How do you want your children to see you?
More often than not, you want your kids to see a loving mom who shows them that life isn’t always perfect. It’s not a matter of providing everything you wish your kids could have, but helping them appreciate what they do have.
It’s also not about being a perfect mom, but showing your kids how to cope with the lows and mistakes we all face.
When we remind ourselves of what’s important, we realize that it’s our own loving company, and not a tidy house or busy schedule, that matters most.
Once in a while, you might still get those days when you realize with horror that you’ll be packing lunches and bathing kids for a long time.
But it’s exactly in those moments of feeling stuck that you should re-focus on managing parent burnout. Because it’s not healthy or sustainable to run on little to no energy.
Take care of yourself physically and mentally, finding pockets of time for you. Avoid committing to too many obligations, and set realistic expectations of what you can do. Turning to supportive friends and family is a lifesaver, as is not comparing yourself to those around you.
And remember your legacy and the memories you’re creating. How do you want your children to remember you?
Parenthood doesn’t have to feel stressful all the time. Make the changes to stop feeling burned out—especially on those days when you wonder about packing yet another lunch for the kids.
Get more tips:
- 6 Not-So-Obvious Reasons You Can’t Keep Up with Cleaning Your Home
- The Surprising Factor that Gives You Work-Life Balance
- Top 7 Tips to Keep Your Sanity as a Mom
- Being a Working Mom Doesn’t Suck
- Smart Ways to Cope When You Feel Tired All the Time
Tell me in the comments: What is your biggest struggle with parent burnout?
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