What to Do When Your Overtired Baby Keeps Waking Up

What to do when your newborn wakes up screaming and won’t stop crying? Learn the steps to take when your overtired baby keeps waking up.

As a first-time mom, I figured babies sleep when they’re tired, no matter the circumstances. I also hadn’t learned the sleep cycles that would predictably wake them up every 30-45 minutes, or that they needed help falling asleep.

Instead, I’d rock my baby to sleep, sometimes for over an hour, and play the “put down” over and over. I got nothing done and even started to resent him (and motherhood in general) for feeling stuck.

I don’t want you to have to rock your baby to sleep for an hour, only for him to wake up 30 minutes later. Or to feel anxious, with an ear cocked and ready to listen for the slightest whimper.

I’ve learned that there are ways to prevent babies from feeling overtired and get them to sleep long stretches (or at least longer than they are now). Take a look at what worked for me, and hopefully, these tips can help you as well. As one parent said:

“Thank you very much Nina. I am a new mom and I had absolutely no clue about the overtired cycle and how to break it. My baby, who was previously sleeping decently, hasn’t slept well for 3 days. I knew that he was overtired but I had no clue what to do. Really grateful for all the tips. Thank you.” -Luanne Matthew

1. Find the right balance of being awake

Put your baby to sleep too often and he simply may not be tired enough to drift off. But keep him up too long, and he’ll be too overtired to rest well.

Instead, find the right balance of being awake, one where he has enough time to play and be alert. Observe typical sleep cues that signal it’s time for another nap, or you can also watch the clock to make sure he isn’t awake too long.

The younger the baby, the shorter his wake window. Over the months, he’ll extend his wake time into longer stretches, but for now, err on the side of shorter windows during the newborn stage.

Free resource: Want to know just how long he should be awake based on his age? Join my newsletter and grab a free chapter of my ebook, How to Get Your Baby to Sleep Without Being Held. You’ll learn exactly how long he can be awake and when to put him down for a nap:

2. Have an early bedtime

Before having kids, I could fall asleep around midnight, have dinner out on a random Thursday night, and wake up “early” at 8am. So, you can imagine how my definition of a decent hour of sleep has changed since motherhood.

And when you have an overtired baby, one of the best places to start with is his bedtime. Particularly, having an early bedtime.

You see, keeping him up late doesn’t make him sleep better or longer—the opposite is often true. The better quality of sleep he gets, including going to bed at a decent hour, the more chances he’ll have of sleeping in longer stretches.

I’ve heard that bedtime should be no later than 8:30pm, though you can start as early as 6:30pm or 7pm.

3. Give your baby a chance to settle down

During the newborn stage, babies often need our help to fall asleep. Still, that doesn’t mean we need to rescue them from every little discomfort. By giving your baby a few minutes to settle down, you’re providing him the opportunity to gradually learn to fall asleep on his own.

How can you tell whether to give him a few minutes or to come in? Observe his mood. If his fussiness sounds like he’s whimpering or complaining, don’t go into the room yet. Instead, see if he’ll eventually settle down.

And just because he opens his eyes as soon as you set him down, that doesn’t mean you need to pick him up right away. I learned my lesson when my twins were born and didn’t pick them up if they weren’t crying. Within a few minutes, they were often fast asleep.

4. Put your baby down completely asleep

Let’s say you tried giving your baby a chance to fall asleep on his own, but he keeps waking up screaming and crying. Another tactic is to do exactly the opposite: hold him until he’s completely asleep before putting him down.

An easy way to check? If his arms aren’t swaddled, hold one of them in the air and let it drop. If he stirs from the movement, then he’s not in deep sleep yet. But if his arm flops down without waking him, then it’s a safe bet that he’s completely knocked out.

And make the transition smooth by shortening the gap between your arms and the crib.

For instance, give him a pacifier right after feeding so he’s still sucking as he drifts off to sleep, or place your hand on his chest as you put him down. This can help him fall and stay asleep between moving him from your arms and into the crib.

5. Rely on effective baby gear

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You’re in the thick of the newborn stage, which means you get a pass on a lot of things. Yes, you should encourage your baby to sleep drowsy but awake, but when all else fails, having the right baby gear is a lifesaver.

A few of my favorites include:

• Swaddle: Frustrated with frequent wake-ups? Keep your baby relaxed and snug with a swaddle, offering the same tight feeling he was accustomed to in your womb. I’m a fan of the “pre-made” swaddles that you can zip or attach easily.
• Swing: My baby would take long naps in the swing, and I’d have my arms free to tend to other tasks.
• Baby wrap: Keep your baby sleeping longer by moving about or patting him while he sleeps in the wrap.
• White noise: Sudden noises can startle him out of sleep when everything else is silent. Use white noise to muffle sounds and stimulation. Combine the white noise with a dark room to extend his sleep even more.

6. Do the same things in the same order

Your newborn won’t follow a rigid schedule, but it’s never too early to have a rhythm and flow to your days.

For instance, offer milk right after waking up, followed by a change of diaper and play time, before starting another nap. Or follow the same sequence of bath, massage, reading books, and swaddling before bedtime.

He may not be able to tell time or sleep at exact times of the day, but having a routine allows him to know what to expect next. If anything, you’re also able to function on autopilot instead of scrambling about what to do next.

As I say in my book, How to Get Your Baby to Sleep Without Being Held:

“Routines will give your baby the predictability to know when events happen in his day—including when and where to sleep—and provide cues that signal what to expect next.”

7. Stay calm

My baby was 8 weeks old, too young to be anywhere near “easy,” but old enough for me to wonder if this parenting thing would ever cut me some slack.

I had been rocking him to sleep, trying unsuccessfully to get him to nap. Not only was he not falling asleep in the first place, but he cried the entire time. We were both miserable, and I could feel my frustration growing as I yelled, “Why won’t you just go to sleep?!”

Of course, that did little to calm him down. Instead, he let out a series of frantic cries I had never heard before. Remorse quickly took over and I held him close, feeling guilty for having succumbed to my anger when he needed the exact opposite.

You see, the more anxious and aggravated we get, the more those stressful emotions affect our babies. One of the best things—even the first thing—you should do is to simply stay calm. This allows you to make choices from a place of clarity and compassion rather than anger or resentment.

And the best part? Your baby will pick up on your mood and will be more likely to calm down as well—perhaps calm enough to help her fall back to sleep.

Conclusion

Helping your baby fall asleep—overtired, at that—can be a challenge for any first-time parent. Still, you’re not stuck with frequent wake-ups or miserable sleep.

Start by having an earlier bedtime, especially since good, quality sleep begets more of it. Then, find the right balance of wake and sleep time. You want him to be awake long enough that he’s sleepy, but not too awake that he crosses into feeling overtired. Don’t rush in the minute you hear a whimper and instead give him a chance to settle on his own.

If that doesn’t work, hold him until he’s completely asleep before putting him down. You can also rely on baby gear that can help him sleep in longer stretches while giving you a break. Encourage consistency by doing the same activities in your routine.

And finally, focus more on staying calm than getting him to sleep. The calmer you are, the more likely he’ll fall asleep.

I’m happy to say that it wasn’t long before I stopped dreading the nights. Healthy sleep habits, from practical actions to mindset shifts, were all it took to get my overtired baby to sleep through them.

Get more tips:

• How to Get Your Baby to Nap in the Crib
• Watch Out for These 7 Baby Tired Signs You Might Be Missing
• 5 Ideas to Help Your Catnapping Baby Sleep Longer
• How to Survive the 3 Month Sleep Regression

Don’t forget: Join my newsletter and grab a free chapter of my ebook, How to Get Your Baby to Sleep Without Being Held: