What to Do When Your 3 Month Old Won’t Nap
It’s never easy when your 3 month old won’t nap unless held. Here are 6 secrets to get your baby to sleep!
Nap time had always been a nightmare, but after three months, it seemed to get even worse.
Rocking my baby on the yoga ball would usually take five minutes before he’d get drowsy. But somewhere along the 3-month mark, not only did rocking take longer than five minutes, but it seemed to get him even more upset.
Of course, the longer he stayed awake, the crankier he got, which only extended the cycle even more. Forget about putting him down—he wouldn’t settle for a nap if I wasn’t bouncing or walking around. And once he did finally fall asleep, he’d wake up 15-20 minutes later.
As much as a hit or miss naps can be, I found several tips I wish I knew from the start. These “secrets” seemed to work far better than anything else I tried. Some of them even seemed backward or illogical, but proved themselves effective. I hope they can work for you, too:
Table of Contents
1. Keep your baby awake for no more than 90 minutes
As a first-time mom, I figured my baby would nap when he felt tired. It seems to make sense: the more tired we are, the more we want to sleep.
Unfortunately, I learned (a bit too late) that babies don’t always fall asleep right when they need it. Sometimes we keep them up much longer than they should, which only makes for a cranky, fitful nap.
The solution? Shorter wake windows.
So yes, rely on sleep cues to see if your baby needs to nap, but pay attention to the clock, too. To start, he shouldn’t be awake for longer than 90 minutes. And if he’s starting to look sleepy even before then, put him down for a nap.
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2. Put your baby down completely asleep (and do the “arm test” to check)
I’m a huge fan of putting a newborn down drowsy but awake. I truly believe we need to give them the opportunity each nap time to fall asleep on their own (otherwise, how else can they learn?).
That said, I also know how delirious we get when we try the same tactic over and over without it working. So, after you’ve tried putting your baby down drowsy but awake with no luck, do the opposite: put her down completely asleep.
Except you may have dealt with the Dreaded Wake-Up—when she wakes up the minute you put her down. Even after you think she’s already asleep.
The trick? Do the “arm test” to see if she’s really in deep sleep. Before you put her down, hold her hand up in the air and let it go. If it falls and flops back down, then she’s likely in deep sleep. If she pulls away, moves, or squirms, then she’s not (and will likely wake up if you try to put her down).
3. “Tug” your baby’s pacifier
Does your baby’s nap time always seem to end abruptly, even though you know he could use more sleep?
One trick that works wonders is to “tug” on his pacifier. If he takes to sucking to soothe himself, a pacifier allows you to put him down so he can sleep in a few minutes. The trouble is when he realizes he doesn’t have the pacifier in his mouth anymore and can’t exactly reach out and put it back in.
So, here’s what you do: a few minutes before he usually stirs and wakes up, give his pacifier a gentle tug. He’s likely coming out of deep sleep and will start sucking harder on the pacifier when he feels it coming loose.
This extra sucking encourages him to sleep once again, perhaps even into a new sleep cycle. You’ve bought yourself more time and prevented a few short naps.
4. Feed your baby after waking up
For many of us, feeding a baby to sleep can be a love-hate situation. We love that feeding almost always puts them to sleep, but hate that they rely on it to do so (especially when we know they’re not hungry).
That was certainly my case—that is, until I stopped feeding my baby to sleep, but fed him after he woke up.
This seems somewhat backward, especially when he fell asleep so quickly from feeding. But it’s exactly this reliance on feeding that made it harder to get him to sleep any other way.
Instead of feeding to sleep, feed your baby after she wakes up. That way, she doesn’t associate feeding with falling asleep. Plus, she might have fewer digestion issues when she isn’t asleep after having just eaten. She’ll also have more energy when she needs it—when she’s awake.
As I say in my book, How to Get Your Baby to Sleep:
“Feeding your baby to sleep makes him rely on the sucking motion to fall asleep, which he can’t replicate on his own (the closest would be using a pacifier). He’s also likely falling asleep at the end of each feeding, making it impossible for him to be put down awake and learn to sleep on his own. And finally, you’re probably holding him in your arms while you either nurse or bottle feed, further embedding the habit of sleeping while held.”
5. Create a conducive sleep environment
No matter how much your baby wants to sleep, sometimes the wrong environment can prevent him from doing so. A few items that can help create a conducive sleep environment include:
- Swaddle: He might sleep better with his arms tucked tight next to him in a swaddle than lying with his arms outstretched. The Magic Sleepsuit also works for babies transitioning from a swaddle to having their arms free.
- White noise: The shushing, constant sound of a white noise machine can help muffle sounds that could startle him awake. A fan, heater, or audio file can work just as well.
- Baby wrap: If he won’t nap unless he’s held, a wrap can be a good compromise. He can stay close by during the day while you still have your arms free.
6. Follow a daily routine
Routines help babies adjust to life outside the womb. As young as your baby might be, a daily routine can help him learn what to expect, from when to eat to when to take a nap.
Except a “by the clock” sleep schedule doesn’t usually work for babies. Cat naps can be as short as 20 minutes, while others can last for three hours. You can’t always put him down for a nap at 9am exactly every morning.
Instead, follow a “flow” to your day, doing the same things in the same order every day. For instance, after waking up in the morning, you can feed and then play with him. Then, start a simple nap routine, such as reading a few books, darkening the room, and turning on the white noise. Doing the same things every time can “signal” the coming of naps.
Conclusion
Life can feel frustrating when your 3 month old won’t nap. You hardly get rest, doing chores is nearly impossible, and you feel stuck to her 24/7.
Thankfully, these simple tips can turn things around, especially with consistency. Prevent her from getting overtired by shortening her wake time to no more than 90 minutes max. If you can’t put her down drowsy but awake, make sure she’s completely asleep before setting her down.
Try tugging on her pacifier before she wakes up, as this might buy you more time and stretch her sleep even more. Feed her after she wakes up so she doesn’t rely on it to fall asleep.
Create a conducive sleep environment that can make her more likely to fall and stay asleep. Follow a routine, allowing the general “flow” of your day to signal what she can expect to happen next.
And finally, I leave you with this: try not to get too frustrated with her naps (or lack thereof). I know, easier said than done, but sometimes we get so caught up in the moment that we forget to ask ourselves whether this truly is worth the frustration.
Instead, remember that whether she naps or not doesn’t define who you are as a parent. That this is a season in life that came and will surely go, as all seasons do. And that naps aren’t always the nightmare that they seem to be—even as you’re bouncing on that yoga ball for the millionth time.
Get more tips:
- 5 Ideas to Try with Your Catnapping Baby (They Really Work!)
- 12 Things to Do When Your Newborn Keeps Fighting Sleep
- Clever Solutions to the Newborn Witching Hour
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