What to Do When Your 3 Week Old Baby Won’t Sleep Unless Held

It’s tough for any parent when your 3 week old baby won’t sleep unless held. Learn how to get your little one sleeping out of your arms!

It’s ironic how a few weeks after bringing a baby home can feel like eons, especially when he won’t sleep anywhere else but your arms. Even when I was able to get my 3 week old to sleep, he’d wake up crying soon after and would only stop once I picked him up again.

I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to ride it out and hold him all day or let him cry, which I felt he was too young to do for too long. If anything, I simply wanted to know I wasn’t alone (because it sure felt like it).

While the newborn stage can feel like a hit or miss, you can do a few things to help your baby sleep in longer stretches, even if he’s not being held. Take a look at these tips below that truly made a difference for me:

Soothe your baby without picking him up

There’s something about the sound of a cry that makes you want to scoop your little one up so he’ll stop right away. But rushing to him can reinforce his habit of needing to be held instead of learning new ways to fall asleep.

The next time he cries and it doesn’t sound like a harsh one, see if you can soothe him without picking him up. Rub his belly or the top of his head, pat the side of his hips, and offer reassuring words and sounds. Try it for 20 minutes, especially if he’s simply whimpering and whining—he just might settle down.

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Put your baby down drowsy but awake

Every time your baby needs to sleep, try to put him down drowsy but awake. That way, he can fall asleep exactly where he wakes up instead of waking up to find himself elsewhere.

More importantly, he’ll experience what it’s like to drift off to sleep away from your arms. Should he wake up in the middle of a sleep cycle, he’ll know how to continue sleeping.

What do you do if he fusses after you put him down drowsy? Pick him up to soothe his tears away, then put him down drowsy but awake, repeating the process until he falls asleep. At first, he’ll likely cry right away and hardly sleep. But after a while, the crying will likely decrease while the time he’s asleep will increase.

But another option you can try is…

Put your baby down completely asleep

If you’d rather not keep picking your baby up and putting him down drowsy but awake each time he cries, try putting him down completely asleep. Hold him for a length of time until he’s so sleepy that you can slip him into the crib and out of your arms.

You know he’s really asleep when you can lift his arm in the air and it drops completely limp when you let go.

Keep your baby snug

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Not too long ago, your baby was used to being curled up in your warm and tight womb. No wonder he feels uncomfortable laying out in the wide spaces of a crib or won’t sleep in a bassinet.

One trick to help him feel more snug and secure is to swaddle him with a blanket. Pre-made swaddles make bundling him up a breeze, especially in the middle of the night. You’ll likely notice a considerable difference when he sleeps with a swaddle than without one.

This is especially important if he hasn’t outgrown the Moro reflex yet. Keeping his arms snug can prevent them from flailing and potentially waking him up.

Another option is to wear him in a baby wrap. Like the swaddle, the baby wrap helps him feel snug and secure with the added benefit of being close to you. And unlike carrying him in your arms, you have your hands free to get things done, all while he feels like he’s held.

Create a conducive sleep environment

Creating a conducive sleep environment can help your baby sleep longer. I’ve found that hanging blackout curtains can extend sleep much longer than leaving the room bright.

You can also use a white noise machine to muffle sounds that can startle him awake. Absolute silence can actually make it more difficult for him to stay asleep than if he had a constant sound. A fan, heater, or even an audio app can work, too.

Create a consistent bedtime routine

At this age, it’s nearly impossible to expect a newborn to follow a routine completely. Still, that doesn’t mean that he can’t benefit from having one. A schedule allows him to anticipate what to happen next. His body gets used to the same rhythms and flows, and falling asleep can be easier.

While nap times may fluctuate depending on when he last woke up, try to be consistent with his bedtime routine every night, like 8pm. Then, do the same things in the same order, like giving him a bath, followed by applying lotion and giving him a massage.

Don’t feed your baby to sleep

I thought I had my baby’s sleep down pat when I’d nurse him before naps, confident he’d fall asleep in the process. The problem? He’d only fall asleep when I fed him in my arms.

Feeding your baby to sleep also poses digestion problems that could disrupt her sleep. For instance, she might have a sensitive tummy or gas in her body, which can be uncomfortable enough to keep her from sleeping. She’s also lying flat on her back right after, which isn’t ideal after eating.

But if you feed her after she wakes up, she has time to digest and be held upright. She’s also able to use her newly-consumed energy when she’s alert and awake. And feeding her after sleep breaks the habit of needing to be fed or held to sleep.

If you suspect that she feeds to fall asleep instead of out of hunger, try using a pacifier instead. She can get used to sucking on it to lull herself to sleep.

Take a break

Ever felt like you were glued to your baby 24/7? It’s totally okay to take a quick break, even just to use the bathroom or calm yourself down.

We have this idea that we can’t let babies fuss for even a second or that we have to “save” them from every discomfort. However normal it is to want to comfort your baby, submitting yourself to martyrdom isn’t healthy for anyone.

Instead, take a quick 5-10 minute break if need be. Finish those dishes, hop in that shower, and take those deep breaths to calm yourself down. Self care—even for busy moms—is still important.

Make the most of it

Sometimes, the best thing we can do is to make the most of the situation. Sure, caring for a newborn is challenging, especially if he isn’t exactly a “good sleeper,” but even this can be turned into an opportunity.

For instance, see it as an excuse to rest during the day and let other adults handle household tasks and diaper changes. Set yourself up with a movie, snacks, and drinks, or get cozy with a good book or your phone nearby.

We can always see the good side and be grateful for any situation.

Final thoughts

Caring for a baby who only sleeps in your arms during the day is a challenge, no doubt. But now you have a few tips to free yourself up while making sure he gets the sleep he needs. Hang in there, friend! You’ll eventually get better sleep—even if these first few weeks can feel like eons.

Get more tips:

• What to Do When Your Newborn Wants to Be Held All the Time
• When Your Newborn Wants to Be Held All Night
• 4 Things to Do When Your Overtired Baby Won’t Stop Crying
• How to Get Your Baby to Sleep Without Being Held
• What to Do When Your Newborn Only Sleeps When Held at Night

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