Dealing with the 3 year old sleep regression is frustrating for any parent. Learn what to do when your toddler suddenly won’t sleep through the night or stay in bed.
Your bedtime routine is becoming a nightmare: your 3 year old screams, not wanting to be put to bed suddenly fighting bedtime. Even once tucked in, he won’t go to sleep and climbs out of bed constantly.
You used to be able to walk him back to his room, but now he demands that you lay with him until he falls asleep (which could take upwards of an hour). But then once he’s fallen asleep, it takes one move on your part and he’s awake, crying for you yet again.
The constant tears, sleep regression, and the battle of getting him to sleep is draining, leaving you at your wit’s end.
Never mind that you’ve tried what seems like everything. You established a routine with bath time, pajamas, and reading. But no matter how long or soothing the routine, he still throws a fit when it ends.
You’ve also tried making his room more comfortable, adding a night light so he’s not afraid, and giving him a comfort item.
And you shower him with reassurances that all is well and fine. You’ve even woken him up earlier in the morning, hoping he’ll be sleepy come bedtime. But that has only led to grouchy days.
Nothing’s working.
Your 3 year old is still waking up every night, leaving both of you sleep-deprived and exhausted. As much as you love your child, you can’t take it, and feel horrible all the while.
How to handle the 3 year old sleep regression
Rest assured, my friend, this won’t last forever. In fact, there are several ways to help your child better cope and sleep through the night in his room.
We won’t go over the other tactics you’ve likely already tried. Instead, let’s cut to the chase and get to the root of the problem, so that you no longer have to deal with the 3 year old sleep regression.
As a mom of three boys, I’ve had my fair share of sleep issues (hence the blog name!). I’ll share what has worked for me and what my general sleep practices look like, so that by the end of the article, you can come away with actionable tips to try.
In fact, one parent found the tips helpful and effective, even at 4:30 in the morning. She wrote:
“Last night I was overwhelmed with our struggle of night wakings and walking him back to bed without saying a word. I read your article and tried to think about struggles our 3 year old child be going through. At his 4:30 waking, I talked to him to let him know that it’s time for sleep and that mommy and daddy are sleeping, but still here for him. I assured him I was close by and asked if leaving the door open would help and he responded with yes. I let him make that decision and he seemed to be comforted by that and stayed and slept in bed until almost 7. He’s woken up a happier kid and my husband is surprised at how well he is doing.” -Sutha Burke
Let’s get started with the most important mindset change:
1. Experiment with your child’s nap and bed times
Many of us mistakenly think of nighttime sleep as isolated. That our kids’ resistance to sleep centers only within the evening hours.
Thing is, how well your child sleeps during the day affects the sleep she gets at night.
For some, this means not letting her nap past a certain time, or adjusting the time she naps so she has more time to be awake in the afternoon. It can also mean giving up on her nap entirely, especially if it takes her a while to fall asleep.
For others, it could be enforcing nap time to begin with. It’s tempting to assume that lack of sleep will make your child conk out, but sleep begets sleep. Sometimes, the more sleep your child gets during the day means better sleep at night.
And still yet, other kids need a new bedtime, especially depending on their nap. A later nap pushes bedtime back, while transitioning to no naps means a ghastly earlier bedtime (sometimes even as early as 6:30pm).
Experiment with your child’s sleep throughout the day, from morning wake-ups to naps to bedtimes so you can help her sleep well at night.
Struggling with bedtime tantrums? Get my quick guide—at no cost to you—to help you figure out what to do when your 3 year old won’t sleep and has a meltdown, whether at night or during the day. Download it below!
You’ll also get my newsletters, which parents say they LOVE:
“I can relate to your stories so much. Your tip really got me, because I know it and need to put it into practice more. Thanks for all your expertise and wisdom, I really feel like you ‘get it’ when it comes to this struggle.” -Clare Miller
2. Address issues of separation anxiety
As annoying as it is to deal with the 3 year old sleep regression, the root of the issue is anxiety. All kids go through periods of separation anxiety, which is normal and even celebrated* (it signals a healthy preference and attachment to their parents).
But sometimes we forget that tantrums and outbursts are masks of a deeper fear of being apart from you. Separation anxiety at night can stem from new fears your child has developed, to changes in the family such as expecting or after a new baby.
Take a good look at what’s going on in your child’s environment and any changes he may be experiencing. Is he entering a new school or meeting a new teacher? Could he have seen something scary on television or in a movie?
Finding out potential causes of his separation anxiety at night could reveal longer-lasting solutions to the 3 year old sleep regression.
Another reassurance you can offer is to let him know when he can expect to see you again. While it may seem obvious to us that we’ll reunite in the morning, kids can see the long stretch ahead of them and wonder if you’ll still be nearby.
Get more tips on how to help your child’s separation anxiety at night.
3. Help your child feel confident sleeping alone
It’s tempting to succumb to our kids when they beg to sleep in our bed, or demand that we stay in their room until they fall asleep. After all, it’s a quick way to end the tears and tantrums, right?
Thing is, you run into several sleeping problems with this arrangement.
One is that this isn’t sustainable. Your child can’t continue sleeping in your bed, and spending hours waiting for her to fall asleep is enough to drive anyone nuts.
Obliging this situation also sends the message that all she has to do is throw a fit to get her way. Although you’re sleep-deprived and less likely to think straight, agreeing to her unreasonable demands sets up habits that can be difficult to undo.
Most importantly, you’re preventing her from learning a crucial skill she needs: the ability to feel confident sleeping alone.
Each time you agree to sleep in her bed or even on the floor of her room, you’re reinforcing her fears that her room isn’t a safe and comfortable place to sleep. Inviting her into your bed every night confirms her suspicions that she’s better off sleeping with you than alone in her own bed.
Watch this video below for a few simple changes you can make:
Get more tips on how to help your child stay in bed.
Conclusion
Disclosure: This article contains affiliate links, which means I will earn a commission—at no extra cost to you—if you make a purchase.
Figuring out what to do with the 3 year old sleep regression is enough to drive any mom crazy. This is especially true when typical parenting advice and tips don’t work.
That’s why you need to dig deep and get to the root of the problem. This starts with making sure your child feels comfortable sleeping alone in his room.
Address any issues with separation anxiety at night. Look into any new changes or developmental milestones he may be going through.
And finally, take a look not just at the evening hours, but his entire day. You might need to adjust his nap, wake-up, or bed times.
Say goodbye to nighttime tantrums, walking your child back to bed a zillion times, or trying to sneak out of his room without a peep.
p.s. Check out How Do Dinosaurs Go to Sleep? by Jane Yolen to help your child see sleep in a positive way:
Get more tips:
- How to Respond when Your 3 Year Old Won’t Sleep
- Top 6 Tips to Get Through the Toddler Sleep Regression
- Brilliant Tips to Stop Your Toddler Waking Up Too Early
- 7 Game-Changing Ways to Respond to Your Argumentative Child
- 7 Proven Strategies to Handle Bedtime Tantrums
*Source: Kids Health
Don’t forget, grab my quick guide—at no cost to you—to help you figure out what to do when your 3 year old has a meltdown, whether at night or during the day. Join my newsletter and download it below:
Anelle says
February 20, 2018 at 4:30 amMy 2 and half year old twins still nap during the day..They go to bed fairly easy most nights but during the day I rely struggle…they sleep in different room..because the one sleep shorter than than the other one..and most of the time he struggles more to fall asleep..but this week my better sleeper is absolutely refusing to go to sleep..and he really needs it still!!!how do I train him back into that pattern..he keeps calling out to me.We havent changed anything in their routine..
Nina Garcia says
February 20, 2018 at 6:47 amHi Anelle! I’m wondering if there are any changes going on in his life that could be making him upset, especially since it seems so out of the blue. It could be actual changes like going to a new school, or even developmental ones, like a new separation anxiety he might be feeling. I’d help ease his feelings about nap time, depending on whatever could be contributing to his behavior. Reading books is fantastic, as is making sure nap time isn’t seen as “punishment” but rather a matter-of-fact part of the day.
Then, I would keep him in his room until the designated nap time is over, checking in every few minutes just to pop your head in and make sure he’s all right and let him know you’re still here. Keep reassuring him that nap time isn’t over yet, and do stick to your word and pick him up right when it is if he’s still awake. That way, he knows that this is simply part of his day.
Hang in there, Anelle! I know how frustrating skipped naps can be. Hoping this is a stage and he gets over it quickly. xo, Nina
S Martin says
November 19, 2018 at 10:36 pmHi.
My 3 year old used to be an angel at going to sleep on his own after bedtime routine.
We have recently had a baby and my son has also started preschool. .
So i know there are changes to his day time routine and he probably hears the baby cry at night. He also wonders why he is on his own at night and the 3 of us are in one bedroom.
He refuses to go to sleep now, and then when he wakes in the night demands one if us sleep on his floor. We used to refuse and help he go to sleep on his own. But it has started creeping into his personality in the day.
He used to be so confident, a whirl wind, taking on mostly anything with hesitation.
However, now he cowers behind my legs, grabbing me, shaking and calling out for me when we leave him at the childminders.
He has been going there since he was 8 months old.
He also started preschool which he initially enjoyed, but has now become quite nervous about going.
I just really don’t know how to handle this sitiation at all.
S Martin says
November 19, 2018 at 10:39 pmWithout hesitation*
Nina Garcia says
November 20, 2018 at 7:59 pmBig hugs, mama! It’s hard dealing with a newborn along with a toddler whose behavior changed in response to the new addition. It seems like he feels left out from the family, sleeping in his own room. You might explain that when we were all babies, we woke up plenty of times and needed to feed multiple times. Then as babies get older, we get our own beds and no longer need to eat at night. That way, he understands that this eventually will pass, and explains why the baby needs to be in your room. You can also explain that in a few months the baby will sleep elsewhere just like he does.
The clinginess is likely his anxieties and wanting more time with you. Perhaps plan a few one-on-one moments with him, even as simple as a walk around the block. If the baby has to be there, then he can also be your helper, so that he sees that you’re on the same side. I’m guessing that as he adjusts to the new baby, he’ll eventually take to sleeping on his own. You may need to sleep train him and go cold turkey as far as not sleeping in his room, especially if he’s grown used to you staying there with him.
Good luck! I know it’s hard—my eldest was that age when we brought the twins home, and I always said that those first few weeks were hard because of his behavior, not the twins! It’ll eventually sort itself out, especially if you put your foot down about your expectations and connect with him one-on-one. This is a huge transition for all of you, but you can imagine how overwhelming it is for him especially.
Carol says
January 5, 2019 at 5:10 pmmy daughter is nearly 4 and our baby is 4 month now and around 2 week in to haveing a new baby out 4 year 9ld jist won’t go sleep. I put her to bed around 7 and she’s still awake at 13 at nite jist saying mum ” mum im stuggleing to no what to do to get her to go sleep x
Nina Garcia says
January 5, 2019 at 8:38 pmHi Carol! She’s likely dealing with the changes of having a new baby at home. I’d spend time getting her to talk about how she feels about the new baby, and perhaps spend one-on-one time with her. If I had to guess, her sleep regression likely has to do with the new changes in her life, so if you start there and reassure her that she’s loved even with all the things going on, then this can very much help her sleep better at night.
Mindy Garrenton says
February 15, 2019 at 9:37 amHello! Our 3 year old son has always been an amazing sleeper. We followed “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child,” and it worked so well for our family from age 5 months to just recently. He suddenly began rejecting naps in his crib, then he began to show signs of intense separation anxiety at bedtime. He is fine going through the bedtime routine, even ready to get in his bed, but will protest when we leave him. Because his habits have been so predictable up until now, we tried to ignore at first. But his cries became intense and he began night waking. I brought him into our bed one night and worry we just lost all progress. We’ve now begun to sit in a chair until he falls asleep. When he wakes he screams for us and we will go sleep on his floor or eventually give in and bring him to our bed. We are being inconsistent and are at a loss. No new baby or changes. We think maybe he had a bad dream or is newly aware of dark (he has a nightlight now). His bed is lined with his favorite stuffed animals. It’s a 180 for us. For so long, he’s loved his room, falls asleep and puts himself to sleep no problem, has been eager for bed and naps with such ease for the most part. We tried returning to extinction but he will cry for hours and it seems exacerbate the anxiety. But he’s also learned there’s a new possibility that we will join him or bring him to bed with us that was simply never there before, largely bc we were so careful and consistent it was a non issue. We’re all exhausted and at a loss as to how to help him love his room again. We just don’t know what changed to upend all his habits and how we can recover them. Thanks for any advice!
Nina Garcia says
February 15, 2019 at 11:09 amHi Mindy! I think you’re on point with so many things, especially with not really knowing the root cause of it, but that the patterns of staying in his room or bringing him to yours has clouded his decisions and made those the new normal.
The first thing I would do is to explain to him long before bedtime the “new rules,” which means he will sleep in his room from now on without you, and that also means he won’t go to your room even if he gets frustrated. Then, give him tools to cope when he starts to feel that way, such as hugging a favorite animal, maybe giving him one of your pillows to hold, breathing, telling himself you’re right next door, singing a song, etc., so that he has tools to use when these feelings happen.
I would then ask him why he thinks he gets upset at night, and see if he opens up about a few reasons. Depending on his answers, you can together find solutions to help him. For instance, if he says he’s scared of the dark, even with the night light, offer to leave the hallway light on and his door slightly open. It’s also okay if he can’t articulate what he feels, because the feelings and circumstances may just be so beyond what he can express right now. Instead, look for clues, so that if you think it’s because he feels he can’t manage being away from you, you can relate a similar story of when you were afraid of being alone, how that was like, what you did to feel better, and how everything turned out okay again.
Then if he still cries at night, don’t ignore it completely, but also don’t spend too much time and fuss on talking to him. So if he cries, calmly, confidently, and compassionately let him know it’s time to sleep, to try the tools you talked about, and that he will stay in his room. That he will feel so proud of himself for doing so. Then leave—this shouldn’t take more than a few seconds. Do this every few minutes if needed.
And lastly, the next morning, no matter how dreadful the night was, let him know how proud you are of him for pulling it off, for giving it his best shot, and for frankly sleeping in his room alone all night, which is a big feat in itself. He will feel so good with your congratulations and praise that he will be more likely to give it a try again the next night.
Let me know if that helps, Mindy! And keep me posted—I’d love to hear how it goes.
Brie says
April 10, 2019 at 3:12 pmMindy, did any of this work. This happened to our daughter about 10 days ago and we are all exhausted.
Mrsyanger says
July 4, 2019 at 6:10 amWe seem to have a handle on bedtime, but our struggle is the wake up time. My soon to be 3 yr old wakes up between 430-5am. We have shifted bedtime to from earlier to later, and it doesn’t affect his wake time. He wakes up crabby and sometimes angry. Any thoughts?
Nina Garcia says
July 6, 2019 at 6:12 amHi there! Early wake ups are definitely a challenge, especially when it seems to happen no matter what time you put them to bed. Typically, these are habits that can take a few days and nights to reset, as all habits do. Thankfully, there are things you can do that can help. Check out these articles on the blog for more info:
https://sleepingshouldbeeasy.com/2017/05/17/toddler-waking-up-at-5am/
https://sleepingshouldbeeasy.com/2019/05/09/toddler-waking-up-too-early/
Jennifer says
August 7, 2019 at 9:50 amHi,
this is EXACTLY us. Our (soon to be) 3 year old daughter used to be a dream sleeper from 6 months – could be put to bed in minutes. stayed in her bed when waking without a peep. But now she FREAKS at bedtime. Saying there are bad guys in her room. Cries and screams and gets herself so worked up that she makes herself sick! We have tried everything: letting her cry it out, monster spray, a new superman teddy to “keep her safe”, new night light, door/curtains open, new music, talking through the monitor, sitting in the hallway outside her room so she can still see us but were aren’t “in her room”. We are at a loss with what to do anymore, and we are exhausted…
Nina Garcia says
August 7, 2019 at 8:56 pmHi Jennifer! Monster spray tends to not work because it “confirms” her suspicions that there ARE bad guys when you know there really aren’t. I would try to keep your demeanor very calm, confident, and compassionate. It’s a balance of listening to her concerns, but at the same time, not getting freaked out or irritated by them. Imagine a friend you have complaining about something that you know isn’t a big deal. You offer a listening ear and show your support, but you don’t do anything to confirm her complaints or get aggravated by it, either. Let her know she’s safe, without brushing aside her emotions. You might show empathy by saying, “You seem scared at night. I would feel scared too if it were me.” Then you can reassure her that you’re here right next to her in the other room. And in the meantime, avoid reinforcing any habits you don’t want to continue, like letting her sleep in your bed or needing to stay in her room until she falls asleep, that way she knows she has to face it, with your support. Finally, often the best time to talk to her about it when it’s not sleep time, for instance during the day when she’s happy and receptive, as opposed to right when she’s having a meltdown about it.