Is your child suddenly waking up inconsolably for hours? Learn what to do when your 3 year old wakes up crying every night.
You wish you could say it was one passing night, but nope. For the last several weeks, your 3 year old wakes up crying every night, calling for you. He’ll either get out of his room and into yours, or sit in his bed inconsolably until you come in.
Sure, once in a while, you sense a genuine fear in his tears. But for the most part, you could tell he’s simply whining and whimpering for your attention.
You’ll go in his room and reassure him everything is okay before tucking him back in bed. You’ll even hold and cuddle with him until he falls asleep. But 30 minutes later, the whole fiasco will start all over again, sometimes up to three times a night.
What to do when your 3 year old wakes up crying every night
Just when I thought I was over multiple wake ups during the newborn stage, my son started suddenly waking up crying every single night. At first, I sat with him until he fell asleep, but he’d cry again when he’d wake up and realized I wasn’t there.
And since this habitual waking happened just about every night, I knew I had to do something. This didn’t seem like a passing phase that would go away on its own.
So, after a bit of research and trying to see what worked, I was able to help him get back on track to sleeping through the night again. Take a look at these tips when your 3 year old wakes up crying every night:
1. Talk to your child about what’s bothering him
Let’s start with what you can do before even putting your child to sleep. And a good place to begin is by talking to him about what’s bothering him in the first place.
We forget that, at 3 years old, kids are more capable of communicating than we sometimes give them credit for. Sure, they won’t articulate their feelings eloquently, but you can get a sense of why he wakes up every night than if he were an infant.
You might learn that he doesn’t like a particular shadow that he sees on the wall, or that the movie he watched scared him a lot. Ask him for ideas on what you can both do to help and make a list, from having a special stuffed animal to keeping the door a little bit more open.
Have this conversation during the day when you’re both alert and in a good mood. Listening and coming up with ideas can be difficult when you’re sleep deprived in the middle of the night.
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2. Address your child’s feelings
Knowing what’s bothering your child will help you directly address the issue, but what if you can’t get her to explain herself? Sometimes you can’t always get a clear answer, so you’ll have to do a bit of sleuthing to see what could be keeping her up at night.
Start by asking yourself what big changes she could be going through, like ending preschool for the summer or moving to a new home. Then, think about developmental changes she might be experiencing. Adding a nightlight can address fears of the dark, while taking it out ensures no scary shadows.
No matter what, don’t discount her feelings as petty, even if you know there’s nothing to be worried or scared about. These are her feelings, as real to her as yours are to you. She’d rather feel heard and understood, not belittled or brushed aside.
3. Make your child’s room a safe space to be
Do you oblige your child and sleep on the floor next to her bed? Or do you let her come into yours every night when she wakes up at two in the morning? This could be sending the wrong message about sleeping alone in her room.
After all, the more you allow these habits, the more you confirm that she shouldn’t sleep in her room, especially alone.
Instead, reassure her that you’d never put her in danger or have her sleep in her room if you thought there was a chance she’d be unsafe. Let her know that sleeping in her room is normal and safe, and that, at the end of the day, you’re still nearby.
One simple way to make her room feel safer is to play there during the day so she associates it with positive moments. On the flip side, avoid using her room as a “time out” (which you probably shouldn’t do in general anyway), as this creates a negative association with her room.
4. Check in strategically
Do you feel compelled to go into your child’s room each time he cries? You likely don’t want him to feel ignored or abandoned, or you believe it’s your job to make sure he doesn’t cry for long.
Except this only creates an expectation that he can simply cry and get what he wants, even if it’s not best for him or the family. After all, as a parent, your goal is to make sure that he can feel confident and safe sleeping alone, not have to rely on his parents to fall asleep.
At the same time, you also want to reassure him that you are nearby and there for him. So, what can you do? Check in on him, but at set times.
Start by discerning the type of cry in the first place. If he’s distraught or crying for you, then that’s when you check in to see if anything is wrong. Usually, the first cry is “legit” while the ones after that are simply for comfort or attention.
If he does have a genuine need for you, check in on him to make sure he’s fine. Ask him what’s wrong, address it if possible, then tuck him back into bed. Let him know it’s time to go back to sleep, and leave the room—even if he’s still crying.
Set your timer for 15 minutes and, if he’s still crying, check in on him briefly (as in 30 seconds max) to let him know it’s still time to sleep. Repeat if needed in another 15 minutes, reassuring him each time that it’s time to sleep.
This will help him understand that yes, you’re still here, but that he has to sleep in his own room until the following morning.
Waking up to the sounds of your 3 year old crying every night is no pleasant way to spend your evenings. Thankfully, you can do more than simply wait for this phase to pass to help him go back to sleeping through the night.
Talk to him about what could be bothering him enough to wake up, and address any fears or worries he might have. Make his room a safe space to be, including having him sleep there alone despite his protests. And check in at set times, reassuring him that you’re nearby and that it’s still time for him to sleep.
Waking up in the middle of the night may not be a passing phase, but now you have the tools to help you get your full night of sleep once again.
Get more tips:
- How to Respond when Your 3 Year Old Won’t Go to Sleep
- 3 Year Old Waking Up Too Early? Must-Know Tips for Moms
- Effective Ways to Handle the 3 Year Old Sleep Regression
- Realistic Examples of a 3 Year Old Daily Schedule
- What to Do when Your 3 Year Old Won’t Stay in Bed
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