Practical Advice for New Parents

Are you a soon-to-be first-time mom? Discover advice for new parents that no one talks about—from practical tips to reassuring encouragement.

Like many first-time parents, I dove into books about what to expect with pregnancy and parenthood. I saved activities I wanted to do once my son was older and armed myself with “reality-check” stories about changing diapers 13 times a day.

Over time, we all develop our own parenting philosophies, with few of us ever subscribing to one school of thought. But sometimes, I wish I knew more common-sense advice for new parents. The kind that would reassure me that I wasn’t alone and that the hard days wouldn’t always be so challenging.

I asked other moms and dads the best parenting advice they received, especially in the early days. This is what I wish I had learned from the get-go, and what continues to guide me and many parents moving forward.

I hope you find inspiration, helpful tips, and the reassurance that you’re not alone:

1. Take care of yourself first

Many parents feel obligated to put themselves last. This is understandable, considering that kids can hardly do anything for themselves, especially in the first few years. But taken too far, you’re depriving your kids of the kind of parent they need and deserve—one who is happy and has the capacity to give.

After all, you can’t give if you’re not full. What are you “giving” your kids if you’re running low or empty?

Taking time for yourself has an extra benefit: your kids get the opportunity to be alone. Good parenting doesn’t mean hovering 24/7, but gradually giving them a safe place to be themselves. According to Stephanie Watson on Baby Center:

“Babies benefit from time to themselves: It helps develop independence and self-soothing skills. Independent play allows babies to explore at their own pace, spending as much or as little time as they like on a particular interest.”

So, take care of yourself, whether that’s reading 10 minutes a day or hiring a babysitter so you can go on a date night. Self-care is an overlooked necessity that can make you the better parent you want to be.

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2. Don’t nitpick everything your partner does

You and your partner are different people who won’t always do the same things. You might get upset because he put the white noise machine on “medium” when you know the baby needs it on “high.” Or maybe he isn’t swaddling tightly enough, which makes the baby wake up halfway through the nap.

I get it. As a self-proclaimed control freak, I tend to take the reins and do a lot of things myself. I also spend more time with the kids, having more hours in the day than my husband.

But over time, I learned that my way isn’t “right,” just as his way isn’t “wrong.” It’s just different. The more we nitpick about how others aren’t meeting our standards, the more we push them away from even wanting to help.

Worse, we’re denying them and our kids the chance to develop a bond and learn what works for them. After all, we had to learn through trial and error as well—by nitpicking, we’re not even giving our partners the chance to do that.

And finally, we become the “police,” hovering over them and looking for ways they messed up. As you can imagine, this is no way to have a thriving and loving relationship.

Your spouse needs the space to learn and co-parent the way they should. Sure, talk about major topics or truly problematic issues, but let the rest go.

3. Let it go

Spoiler alert: chaos will happen.

Your baby decided to poop all over her diaper right as you’re about to leave the house. You’re late to the doctor’s appointment, can’t find that darn pacifier, and you realize you’re completely out of burp cloths and onesies. Oh, and people are coming to visit and the house is a complete mess.

For someone who loves order and predictability, let’s just say that becoming a mom has tested my patience more than once.

That’s when I learned to simply go with the flow. The more I accepted the chaos around me, the more lighthearted and at ease I felt. I could almost laugh about the sleep deprivation and that our dishwasher conked out the day we brought the twins home.

Don’t exhaust yourself with unreasonable standards. Your house doesn’t have to be spotless, and dinner doesn’t have to be ready by 5pm every night. Because things will happen. The quicker we can let go of the need to control, the more we can get through these challenges.

4. Pick your battles

It is okay if your toddler insists on wearing sweatpants even though you had hoped she’d dress up a bit for a birthday party. Or that your kids watched the rest of the movie even though it meant they had extra screen time for the day.

They might refuse to eat the food you prepared or cry because they don’t want to get in the pool during swimming class. They want to eat a packet of gummy bears after dinner or skip a bath for the night.

Find that balance of staying consistent with having reasonable exceptions. Don’t feel like they’re going to stop respecting your authority because you caved in and bought them a toy from the store. Or that everything has to be exactly by the book, no matter what.

Yes, you want to be firm and consistent on most things—and they’re going to abide by them most of the time. So, when those exceptions happen, remind yourself that they almost always do what you ask with no problem.

5. Don’t compare

Comparisons can riddle you with anxiety and guilt, don’t you think?

You’re tempted to compare which milestones your child is hitting—and how quickly—to other kids. You second-guess decisions when you hear that other parents are doing the exact opposite. You might even beat yourself up because you don’t have the top-notch infant gear or the biggest parties.

Those things don’t make you a better or worse parent than the next. She’s going to grow up fine, regardless of how you seem to come up short right now. The ironic part is that, a few years later, everything you’re comparing isn’t going to matter all that much.

You see, every child…

• Has her interests: Just as we adults have our hobbies and pastimes, so do our kids. They differ in their interests and are going to spend effort on those that they enjoy.
• Excels at her skills: It’s easy to forget our kids’ amazing skills when we compare their shortcomings to others.
• Showcases her personality: You love your toddler’s inquisitiveness, humor, and playfulness, but grapple with her fiery (and loud) temperament.
• Develops at her own pace: While one of my kids started walking at 10 months, it wasn’t until he was 21 months before he finally spoke his first words.

Rather than comparing kids only to feel like you’ve failed in some way, use comparisons to introduce new skills and interests. Notice what other kids are doing and introduce those skills to your own, but try not to worry if she doesn’t get it yet or has no interest.

6. Find ways to be your best self

Parenthood can bring out the best in you—if you’re willing to look for opportunities that can help you grow.

Every challenge you face, from the exhaustion of sleepless nights to the tears of a temper tantrum, can be the opportunity you need to learn and improve. Because here’s the truth: if you’re still dealing with the same issue over and over, that just means you haven’t learned the lesson you needed to yet.

If your child’s tantrums seem to be getting worse, maybe you need to examine how you’re reacting to his behavior. If sleepless nights are making you miserable, a new way of stretching your baby’s sleep could take care of it once and for all.

Because it’s exactly in those moments where we need to reflect on how we can be better.

7. Forgive yourself

Striving to be your best doesn’t mean giving yourself grief when things feel hard.

Know that you’re doing your best at this moment, even though it feels like you’re messing up or second-guessing your decisions and instincts. After all, no one intentionally chooses something knowing it might have a terrible outcome. We make decisions based on where we are in the moment.

When life feels overwhelming or you know you could’ve done better, start by giving yourself the forgiveness you need. There’s no point in beating yourself up even more. Pick yourself up, acknowledge that you’re here and doing your best, and move forward.

You’re still doing a great job, despite these setbacks.

Learn what to do when you feel like you’re failing as a parent.

8. Do what works for you

Each of us knows our kids best, in ways more profound than anyone ever can. We can listen to the advice and apply bits or all of it, but we should do so based on what works for us, our kids, and our families.

I can pinpoint many of my friends and describe ways they’re similar or different from how I raise my kids. And the nice thing is, that’s okay.

Each child, parent, and family has their nuances. There isn’t one blanket approach that works for everyone. I’ve even had a change of heart on many of the things I had at one point believed so strongly about.

Why?

We evolve. We learn more as we raise our kids. And through time we let a few things go and cling on to new ideas. We change as they change.

I’m certain and even hopeful you may not agree with everything I’ve written or shared. And that’s not only inevitable, but a positive part of belonging to a community of parents.

We can take information, give it a try, and decide whether it works for us or not. But the minute we feel stressed or wonder if we’re doing it wrong, it’s best to stop and listen to our own needs. Do what works for you and your family.

This isn’t a cop out to disregard advice or a call to ignore information. It would be a lonely journey without the insights of other parents, and we learn well through gathering and comparing information.

But what may work for others may not always work for us. It’s easy to lose sight of that when we hear advice that doesn’t always line up with what we believe.

Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for the decisions you make, especially with much thought and heart. You shouldn’t feel like you have to defend or explain yourself as to why you don’t want to give the baby a cookie or why your bedtime routine starts at 7pm. As I say in my book, 31 Days to Better Parenting:

“After all, there is no Perfect Parent. Just the Better Parent to whom we are now, and the only one we should strive to be.”

Conclusion

Becoming a new parent can mean hearing a barrage of advice you can’t seem to filter through, to not hearing enough of the ones that matter. But now you’ve heard advice from your fellow parents that they found most useful.

Start by allowing your partner to learn and make mistakes just as you did, instead of nitpicking everything he does. Take time for yourself, even—perhaps especially—when life feels chaotic. Go with the flow and accept the season that you’re in, including picking your battles and making exceptions.

Don’t compare, whether your child or yourself, to others, because these differences won’t matter down the line. Use challenging moments to improve and be the parent you want to be, while also giving yourself grace and forgiveness when you mess up.

And of course, do what works for you. The best advice that works for 99% of parents might not cut it in your case.

Hopefully, the advice you’ve heard can help guide you toward your new adventure. Even as you’re cleaning up an explosive diaper or running late to a doctor’s appointment.

Get more tips:

• Newborn Tips and Tricks New Moms Need to Know
• 9 Clever Solutions for the Newborn Witching Hour
• Newborn Life: Expectation vs Reality
• How to Take Care of a Baby Alone

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