Baby Only Wants Mom? These 6 Tips Can Solve It!
It’s common for babies to show a preference for one parent over the other. If your baby only wants mom, try these 6 tips to help them bond with both parents.
Infancy, for many parents, can be a difficult stage.
It’s not just about caring for a baby or dealing with sudden sleep deprivation. It’s also the stage when your baby can start to develop a strong preference for you—and only you.
Granted, you might be spending more time with her, especially if you stay home or breastfeed. But even these valid reasons don’t make your separation anxiety in babies any easier. Certainly not on daddy who’s tired of being second-best, nor on yourself, who could use a break (but feel like you can’t).
You’re in good company, friend. Many moms, including myself, have wondered what to do when our babies only want us, often at the expense of our partners.
Don’t worry—this phase isn’t a sign that dad isn’t doing a good job or that you’re stuck with a clingy baby forever. She’ll likely outgrow this stage, and can do so even quicker when you apply the following tips:
Table of Contents
Force it to happen
Any time my baby cried, I jumped right into action. I’d scoop him out of someone else’s arms, almost proud that I had the “magic touch” to soothe him. But as easy as it was to calm him down, I wasn’t allowing other people to do the same.
I later learned that giving other people, particularly my husband, a chance to soothe him benefited everyone. After all, how can they learn the techniques to comfort him when they have no opportunity to try?
So, the best way to allow others to soothe your baby and form a bond? Force the interaction to happen. Go out to dinner with your friends. Run an errand. Sleep in on weekends while your partner handles everything else.
Sure, your baby won’t automatically calm down—in fact, she might get downright upset that you’re not there. But she needs these opportunities to bond with dad and spend time with him, too.
If that doesn’t convince you, consider this: each time she screams for you and gets passed back into your arms, she learns that she did have a reason to cry. She might think that dad isn’t a safe person to be with and that she’s truly only meant to be with you.
You and I know that’s not true, but by reinforcing that habit, she just might believe it. By allowing your partner to care for her without you, she learns that she can depend on him, too.
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Try a different time
Does your partner typically return home from work in the evenings? Unfortunately, that could be right in the middle of the “newborn witching hours,” or the period at the end of the day when babies are inconsolable.
By that time, your baby is exhausted from all she’s experienced, processed, and learned throughout the day. Maybe she skipped a nap or two, or she’s too tired to rest easily.
You and I are no different. Our energy, attention, and ability to choose well aren’t as strong at the end of the day as they are at the beginning. Combine your baby’s sour mood right when dad gets home, and you can see why that time of the day isn’t ideal to hand her over to him.
So, instead of passing her off when she’s more likely to fuss, try a different time of day to do so.
Maybe your partner can reserve weekend mornings to take her to the park (allowing you to sleep in as well). Perhaps it’s later in the evening during bath time when she’s finally settled and ready for sleep. Or he can hold her after she’s fed, happy, and ready to play.
Sometimes picking the optimal time—one when she’s more receptive to others—is all it takes.
Start with activities your baby likes
I’ve mentioned the importance of dad spending time with your little one. To make that time even more successful, start with activities she already likes. So, ask yourself:
What does she already love to do?
Let’s say she loves going for a walk in the baby carrier through the neighborhood. But now, instead of you taking her out, have your partner do so in your place. She still might cry, but he’ll have less of a battle with an activity she can’t help but love.
Another simple, regular activity is to have him feed her. Even if you breastfeed, it might be helpful to pump milk a few times, if only to give him an opportunity to feed her.
Hold the baby with one of your shirts
If your baby can’t see you, then maybe she can still smell you.
She may be comforted by scent, particularly yours. This could be from your shower gel, laundry detergent, or even the food you usually cook. The scent feels reassuring and familiar.
And since our clothes tend to absorb scents, using your clothes as a wrap can provide a familiar environment when you’re not around.
So, have your partner carry her in one of your shirts the next time he’s alone with her. He could also simply give her your shirt to hold as she sits in an infant seat or the stroller. Your scent may be what she needs to calm down once again.
Make your baby laugh
Laughing is one of the best ways to release pent-up energy—often the same energy that crying releases. By making her laugh, he can develop a new way for her to bond with him.
Lucky for us, babies are easily amused—a funny sound or smiling face can be all it takes to make them laugh. Or he can rely on physical play, like carrying her like an airplane or swaying her in his arms. He can offer a favorite toy and play peek-a-boo.
That said, watch out for any cues that she doesn’t want to laugh at the moment. Don’t force her to laugh when she’s simply not in the mood, as this can make her even more upset or over-stimulated.
But if she’s willing, sometimes laughter really is the best medicine.
Don’t give up or tune out
Hearing your baby shriek in dad’s arms—especially when she doesn’t do the same with you—can feel disheartening to any dad. So much so that it’s tempting for him to simply tune out, retreat to the room, and assume that the baby only wants mom.
But dads, I’m talking to you here: do not give up.
Your baby’s attachment to mom says nothing about you. In fact, she may have gone through the same challenges, and only through time and practice has been able to find ways to develop that bond.
The same can be said for you. As with anything in childhood, these things can take time, practice, and persistence. Even if that means handling a fussy baby for nine tries only to finally catch a break on the tenth one.
And yes, she might go right back to crying on the eleventh try, but that doesn’t mean it’ll take another nine more to calm her down. Maybe it’ll only take five more tries the next time around.
Conclusion
It’s easy to feel defeated when nothing dad does seems to work—despite both of your attempts, the baby continues to shriek for you. Hang in there, friend. It’s certainly possible for him to get in the game, even if seems like she only wants you
Rest assured, her love for him can stand the test of time. And you’ll one day look back with disbelief, remembering how she used to cry hysterically when he so much as held her in his arms.
Get more tips:
- What to Do When Your Baby Wants to Breastfeed Constantly
- Why I Regret Rocking My Baby to Sleep
- How to Tell If a Baby Is Hungry or Wants Comfort
- When Your Newborn Wants to Be Held All Night
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