Worried because your baby wakes up crying hysterically all of a sudden? Learn common reasons why, and more important, what to do about it.
Is this normal? you wonder.
In the last few days, your baby has been suddenly waking up crying. About once or twice a night, she flails her legs and screams her lungs out. Rocking and feeding seem to work a few times, but you’re afraid she’ll rely on these habits too much.
It’s breaking your heart, this inability to comfort her when she needs it the most.
I’ve wondered the same myself when my baby would wake up crying hysterically. I went through the list of possibilities—Is this his personality? Is he not well-rested?—before worrying I was doing something wrong to cause these sleep regressions.
It’s especially jarring when his sleeping patterns had been humming along just fine to suddenly hear those unexpected cries. I was desperate for any way to help his nighttime sleep without waking up and screaming uncontrollably.
5 reasons your baby wakes up crying hysterically
No clear-cut path or one-size-fits-all method will solve these issues, as we all understand. Each baby is different, even if they’re born the same day to the same parents (trust me, I know!).
Finding solutions then becomes an experiment, one where we test theories and see if a technique works. Other times, it’s a waiting game, where all we can do is our best until this stage passes.
As always, the first place to start is with your baby’s pediatrician. She’ll be able to provide professional advice tailored to what she knows about your little one. Any time I had even the slightest reason to worry, I turned to our pediatrician for guidance.
In the meantime, learn why your baby wakes up crying hysterically—whether at night or from naps—and what you can do about it:
1. Sleep cycles
We all wake up throughout the night, infants and adults alike. During these cycles, we enter a light state of rest, but can usually fall right back to sleep.
But babies who haven’t learned to fall asleep on their own struggle to do so. As effective as sleep aids can be to help your baby fall asleep, many of them rely on you. Sleep aids like feeding, rocking, co-sleeping, or holding means she isn’t able to fall asleep on her own.
What to do: Rely less on sleep aids to help her fall asleep, and instead encourage her to self-soothe. If your baby wakes up crying hysterically in the middle of the night, she’ll know how to put herself back to sleep.
Learning to fall asleep on her own will help her feel more rested, day or night, which only leads to better quality sleep.
Free resource: Interested in learning about teaching her to self soothe? Join my newsletter and get a preview chapter of How to Teach Your Baby to Self Soothe. This chapter is all about the mindset needed for successful self-soothing and helping her put herself to sleep. As one mom said:
“I really enjoyed reading your Self Soothe e-book and started working on the steps last week with my 8 month old son. He was waking 2-3 times a night and wanted me to help him back to sleep (rocking) or give him his pacifier back each time. We took away the pacifier and allowed him to try self soothing and I couldn’t believe that after a few nights he started sleeping 7:00pm-5:30am (wake for a feed) and then back to sleep until 7:20am without any sleep crutches/aids! Your simple steps and reassuring words really helped, so thank you so much!” -Emily Armstrong
2. Separation anxiety
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One of the healthiest milestones your baby will reach is separation anxiety. As challenging as it is to deal with, separation anxiety is a sign he’s developing a sense of himself that’s separate from you. (Previously, he had thought that everything was one and the same.)
But the idea that he’s separate from you—and that you can leave—can feel frightening.
And as anyone knows, waking up in the middle of the night can feel disorienting. In the past, he may have been able to put himself back to sleep just fine, but now he’s feeling anxious about not having you there… all while the room is dark, no less.
What to do: Play games that promote object permanence. He’ll learn that just because he can’t see something or someone, that doesn’t mean they’re not there. The most popular game? Peek-a-boo, of course.
You can also install a night light (this one is a popular one among parents) or pull the curtains back a bit. That way, the room isn’t completely dark when he stirs at night.
3. New milestones
Sitting up, crawling, walking… all these exciting new skills and milestones can take a toll on your baby’s sleep at night. For instance, learning how to pull herself up in the crib can leave her miserable because she doesn’t know how to sit back down.
But other times, new milestones are wiring in her brain at an amazing rate, making sleep that much less restful. Think of the times you’ve slept after an exciting day—falling asleep may have been extra fitful for you.
The same is true for your baby. All the exciting new lessons she’s learning are either playing through her mind, or compelling her to practice in the middle of the night.
What to do: Sometimes we need to wait out these milestones until they pass. For instance, she might pull herself up on her crib, but cries because she’s unable to get herself back down. Each time she wakes up, you’ll simply need to help her back down, knowing this will soon pass as she learns to do this on her own.
Learn about baby milestones you don’t always hear about.
4. Discomfort from illness or infection
Babies go through some rough times, from emerging new teeth to possible infections. And unfortunately, they can’t come right out and let us know exactly what’s bothering them, so it’s up to us to look for signs of these issues.
Common discomforts for babies this age are teething and infections. They’re both easy to miss, and can disrupt even the most rested baby. Other times, your baby might simply come down with a cold or cough, making it that much more difficult to, say, breathe through her nose.
What to do: When I suspected my babies were teething, their pediatrician recommended I offer pain medicine an hour before bedtime. This soothed their gums and allowed them to sleep a little better. I offered the medicine again in the middle of the night if enough hours had passed from the first dosage.
For common colds, you might use a nose suction to help clear your baby’s passages. And if her discomfort persists, take her to the pediatrician to see if she has an ear infection or other complications. These can be difficult to sleep through and are uncomfortable enough to disrupt even the deepest sleep.
Get tips on how to get kids to take medicine.
Your baby may have passed the newborn stage and settled into a pattern of eating, but that doesn’t mean she isn’t waking up from hunger. As she grows, her needs might change and fluctuate. One day, she refuses to drink milk, while the next, can’t seem to get enough.
If she happens to need more milk but didn’t drink enough during the day, she just might wake up in the middle of the night from hunger.
What to do: If you’ve recently weaned her from night feedings, don’t forget to supplement her milk intake during the day. Or perhaps you’ve introduced solids and figured she won’t need as much milk. Instead, see if offering the same amount of milk can help her sleep better at night.
Make sure she doesn’t fall asleep while you’re feeding her (hard, I know, especially in the middle of the night). She should still be awake when you put her down, so she can still learn to put herself to sleep on her own.
Not knowing what to do when your baby wakes up crying hysterically is exhausting. And yes, sometimes all you can do is simply cuddling with her through her discomfort.
But you can still pinpoint reasons why she wakes up crying. Perhaps she’s developing separation anxiety and doesn’t like the feeling of being apart from you. Different milestones, however normal and even exciting to reach, can disrupt her sleep.
Ailments like teething and ear infections are also common culprits, as is waking up out of hunger. And lastly, her inability to soothe herself back to sleep can be the very thing causing her to wail in her sleep.
Whether you can pinpoint the actual cause or need to wait for this phase to pass, rest assured that you’re doing a good job. Even if your baby wakes up crying hysterically in the middle of the night.
Get more tips:
- What to Do When Your Baby Wakes Up Crying from Naps
- Adjust These 3 Factors to Stop Your Baby Waking Early
- Baby Wakes Up Every Hour? Must-Know Tips for Parents
- What Having a “Spoiled Baby” Really Means
- Baby Only Wants Mom? These 6 Tips Will Solve It!
Don’t forget: Join my newsletter and get a preview chapter of How to Teach Your Baby to Self Soothe:
9 month won’t go to sleep on own, even with all the tips teething or not. Has cried over an hour and does so every night and once asleep only stays asleep 2 hours wakes up screaming and then again at 2 and 6. Only went to sleep on own once. Been a month now. He was sick for a month with cold, congestion, so had to be coddled more, now teething all the time 4 teeth in. Both parents work only am time before sitter and pm 6-8 so not much parent time.so is it separation anxiety also. It’s just awful for them all. No one can sleep. It’s not stopping.