Frustrated when you baby won’t nap, especially when you’ve tried everything? You CAN keep your cool, especially with these tips.
Five hours—going on six.
That’s how long my baby was awake from having skipped a nap. He was rubbing his eyes, yawning and crying, especially when I so much as stepped a foot away. In truth, he wasn’t that fun to be around.
But despite my attempts to put him down for another nap, he refused. Nothing seemed to work—he wouldn’t nap at all.
Meanwhile, there was so much to do around the house. I needed a break—even a measly ten minutes would’ve been awesome.
So I felt my frustration flaring, my patience waning, and I just about had it. I love my baby, but, let’s be honest… I was getting mad with this no-napping business.
The first time I ever yelled at him was when he was a mere eight weeks old and wouldn’t nap. I was rocking him to sleep, but each time I placed him in the crib, he’d open his eyes and cry.
It’s one of the toughest memories I have, one where I’m not proud of losing my temper.
How to stay calm when your baby won’t nap
It’s tough when we’re in the trenches. We’re sleep-deprived, the house is a mess and our lives are so different from the days before the baby. No wonder it’s hard to stay calm when they don’t nap.
But I learned little things to bring order and peace—and maybe even that nap—back into my days. We’re not immune to getting angry, but we can do things differently so we respond with calm and patience.
How can you keep yourself calm and your temper in control when your baby won’t nap?
1. Take a five-minute break
We can get caught up trying so hard to get that nap that doing so consumes us. So, stop. Put your baby down in the crib and catch a break.
Just a few minutes of removing yourself from the stress can make a huge difference. Because nothing, especially a good nap, ever happens when you feel wound up and frustrated. He won’t exactly want to nap when you’re heaving sighs and getting upset.
Instead, do something that makes you happy, however briefly. Yup, focus on yourself to turn the situation around. You might find that a few minutes is all you need to reset with the right frame of mind. You can:
- Take several deep breaths.
- Log onto baby support groups and vent.
- Watch a funny video online and laugh it off.
- Eat a snack.
- Do something you needed to do around the house.
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2. Sing nursery songs
Sometimes when we’re so frustrated, we simply need something else to focus on other than the fact that baby still isn’t taking a nap.
Enter nursery songs.
Singing these songs to your baby not only helps him fall asleep, but reminds you to calm down and focus on nurturing your little one.
Repetitive songs work well and are easy to sing over and over again. You can push your mind away from the frustration and detach from that anger flaring up.
Some repetitive songs include:
- The Wheels on the Bus
- Old McDonald
- B-I-N-G-O
- The Farmer in the Dell
If these songs are too upbeat, try slower lullabies that you know well. The idea is to sing songs that are easy to think of. You just might lull him to sleep and keep your cool as well.
Here are a few favorite lullabies:
- Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star
- Hush Little Baby
- Brahm’s Lullaby
- Rock-a-Bye Baby
3. Leave the house
It’s hard to see this in the moment, but your baby picks up your energy. He won’t feel compelled to take a nap when he sees your eyebrows furrowed and hears your angry voice.
He has already been up all these hours—you might as well get something out of it. Take him on a stroll around the neighborhood or to the nearby park. Drive to the mall and get yourself a cup of coffee or a bowl of ice cream.
Breaking away from your “plan” to get him to nap can be hard. After all, you have a routine and would rather see this through and keep trying than to “fail” and call it a day.
But sometimes a change of scenery is all you need. Build a “last resort plan” of leaving the house when he won’t nap. You both get a break from the frustration that has been building up, and he just might nap during that stroll or car ride.
4. Keep company
You know how you’re at your worst when you’re alone with your newborn? If you feel like you’ve been struggling when your baby won’t nap, ask friends or family to visit. You’re less likely to get frustrated if your sister is in the same room.
And more importantly, friends and family can help. They can take over nap time duties or clean the house so you’re not burdened with those tasks.
The early stages are especially crucial because he has erratic sleep patterns and needs to nap frequently (does it seem like they nap seven times a day sometimes?).
Discover the #1 reason your baby will not sleep — even after all this time.
5. Keep trying new ways to get your baby to nap
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Tell me if this sound familiar:
You’ve been rocking your baby for what seems like over an hour now but he still won’t sleep. You’re frustrated and ask him, “Why won’t you just sleep?!”
But if you step back, that’s a whole hour you devoted to doing the same thing over and over with no success.
Instead, print out a list of ideas to try when he won’t nap and tape it to several walls around your home. My list included techniques like:
It’s so easy to forget other ways to get the baby to nap, especially when you’re so focused on one technique. Having a printed sheet taped to the wall reminds you to try something different.
At least you won’t feel like you’re going crazy doing the same thing over and over. Plus you won’t have to think too hard for new ideas to try when they’re all listed in front of you.
Have a contingency plan, too. Try putting him to nap one way, and give yourself 20 minutes to do so. If he still won’t nap, try a different way.
With a time limit, you’re less likely to drag out an unsuccessful nap attempt. You’ll also feel more accomplished for checking off a list of techniques you’ve tried and moving on to new methods.
Conclusion
Your baby is going to be all right. Yes, he skipped a nap and will likely be cranky, and you didn’t get the break you hoped for. But this moment will pass, like every parenting challenge does.
Stay calm by taking a five-minute break to cool your temper. Sing nursery songs to lull him to sleep and keep you in a positive mood. Change your environment and get out of the house, or invite friends and family for company (and much-needed help).
And cycle through different techniques to get him to nap, if only to not go crazy doing the same one over and over.
Sometimes we treat skipped naps like the biggest upset of the day. In hindsight, he just skipped nap—it’ll be okay. He’ll catch his sleep at some other point in the day.
Be kind to yourself and don’t take skipped naps personally. You’re a good mom. You didn’t “fail” because he didn’t nap, and your day doesn’t have to be negative from this point forward. You’ll decompress later. You’ll catch your much-needed rest and move on from this moment.
Because really, it isn’t so bad. It’s just a nap, after all—yes, even if he’s been awake for five hours going on six.
Get more tips:
- Baby Not Napping? Here’s What to Do
- How to Get Your Baby to Nap Longer
- 9 Children’s Books about Bedtime
- What to Do When Your Baby Wakes Up Crying from Naps
- What You Need to Do when Your Child Won’t Nap
Don’t forget: Join my newsletter and discover the 5 mistakes that are keeping your baby from self-soothing! Whether you’ve tried to teach your baby to self soothe in the past or are just now considering it, take a look at the 5 key mistakes to avoid. Download your PDF below:
Great tips, as always! I also find that listening to a book on tape sometimes helped me stay calm when I only had a baby. Doesn’t work so well with older kids.
Haha MaryAnne I can’t imagine listening to an audio tape with older kids. I haven’t tried it though, but I’d probably be more irritated and telling them to hush. But yes, with a baby, what a great idea. Might as well get something out of it, right? 😉
I remember these moments all too well. I got so angry and impatient. Looking back it was silly but when you need a break, and she won’t nap, it’s the end of the world. And then I take it out on the older one too. Not good. When you said that baby feeds off your energy, it is SO true. I found when I remained calm and just “tried again” a few minutes later, she’d nap! But when I was frustrated, she would be hard to put down for a nap. Luckily for us, our baby is a good napper and sleeper. Maybe it’s “nature” but I’m pretty sure our more laid-back, take cues from baby, don’t rush to her when she fusses attitude helped her to be able to self soothe.
It does make sense in hindsight: cranky mom = cranky baby. Imagine trying to take a nap while someone’s looking all pissed off at you haha. I wish I learned that much earlier with my first kid. I put a lot of pressure on myself to get him to nap. With the twins I was more chill, although I’d still get irritated when I wouldn’t be able to finally rest.
I really appreciate your advice about keeping it all in perspective. In the moment a skipped nap really does feel like the end of the world, but it isn’t!!!
Right, Katie. I remember thinking it preposterous that my kids could go four or five hours straight without napping. I’d get really worried that they’d just suffer, but really nothing terrible happened from it (other than crankiness).
Happy belated Mother’s Day, Nina! (Sidenote, for some reason I wasn’t getting your post updates so I signed up again, I can’t believe I’ve been missing so many entries! I’ll have to go back and read them all).
“It’s just a nap” — YES! I wish someone had told me this when Madeline was a baby because I got so frustrated whenever she wouldn’t nap, and I don’t know why but it felt like I was failing as a mom. But then as she started dropping her morning nap and now she skips her one and only nap every few days, I realize that it’s ok! So she’s a little sassy at dinner time, I’ll just go with it. Man, her not napping used to make me cry. Now, we go to the park, lol.
Happy belated mother’s day to you too, Queenie! And thanks for signing up again on my email list. Glad you caught that!
I hit the same feelings too, and also remember when they finally transitioned to one and then none and realizing that going long stretches of time awake isn’t the end of the world. It was like, “Oh, so they don’t actually DIE if they don’t nap, I see…” lol.
Oh gosh! It’s been so long since I’ve been through this that I have no ideas. When I have my grandkids I’m okay if they don’t take a nap because they aren’t my responsibility full time.
It’s refreshing to hear how parents don’t fuss so much about the things we do in the beginning! I imagine being a grandmother affords you a few exceptions, one of them the freedom to not worry about naps 🙂
This advice should be number one on 10 tips for new Moms! I would add that always going into the nap routine with a “give it a 10 min try” mindset and making a plan for what to do if they just are not sleepy enough can really delay frustration with the process. I spent to much time being the nap Nazi at first. Now i consider myself the “Sleep Facilitator.”
Ooh I like having a backup plan if they don’t nap. Even thinking about it forces you out of the mindset that they absolutely must nap at all costs. The backup plan reminds you that there’s a good chance they won’t nap—so now what? type of mentality.
And yes, giving yourself a cap of how long you should try can help avoid the never-ending nap saga. Sometimes we end up spending more time putting them to nap than the actual nap time!
I very much like the “Sleep Facilitator” title Angel 😉
These are great tips! I too once yelled at my tiny baby, “why won’t you stop crying?!” which I’m not proud of. I was having a really rough time at the beginning with my first, though.
Also wanted to let you know that I nominated you for a Liebster Award!
I admit I also had a tougher time with my first in the beginning than my subsequent kids. Something about being a first time mom, right? 😉
And thanks so much for the award—I’m honored!
I had this a lot when my oldest was little. She was so tired, but just wouldn’t nap. As much as I could, I would put her in the stroller and walk to town. Often, the bumping on the stroller would quiet her, even if she didn’t sleep. It can be very discouraging and exhausting, so great post!
Yes, I can definitely relate. The change in scenery can be a huge help. I did that a lot with my twins and they ended up sleeping in the stroller during the walk. And at the least, I got a good break too!
I am having in such a hard time with my second baby when she refuses to nap. She’s 4 weeks old and has generally been a pretty good sleeper and napper. Last weekend she went on strike from 6:30pm to 1am and then again from 7:20am until 2pm. We sort of got things going again only to have another set back night last night. My 27 month old son is at the ‘NO!’ stage and is throwing HUGE fits when it’s nap or bedtime (which is a major indicator of his need for sleep). I am home on my own 6 days a week and am at my wit’s end trying to find any sort of peace and quiet to settle myself (let alone babies). I have also yelled at both my babies while so young… It seems only to let the steam out and then I feel bad after. It obviously makes the situation worse but I sometimes feel like a kettle with no spout or lid… All that pressure building and no escape. Eventually the kettle will explode.
Yup, I know exactly how you feel, Sandra. In fact I would also compare myself to a tea kettle ready to explode :/ It’s definitely hard, and I think taking a step back and recognizing that in the bigger picture, it’s not worth yelling over. That is what has calmed me down, that this is normal, that it’s not the end of the world. Sometimes we get so caught up in all these naps either “working” or not, that when they skip them, it’s so tempting to take it out on them. Hang in there, mama. You’re definitely not alone!
I been trying to train my 5 month old to nap by himself. It has worked maybe like once or twice. He also only naps for 30 minutes. I’m so frustrated right now :,(. Even though it’s just a nap, I’ve read that is not good for his brain development. I work from home and having a crying baby all day is exhausting. It affects not only him but my work as well. Please someone advise what to do. Any advise will be taken….
Hi Cindy! I totally know what you mean about trying to work from home and deal with a fussy baby at the same time. It’s not easy, that’s for sure. And yes, babies need good quality sleep, including naps. Even short stints in the car or stroller aren’t as effective as the deep sleep they can get from naps at home.
Now that your baby is likely out of the newborn stage, perhaps you can ask your pediatrician if she thinks he’s ready to sleep train. At this point, it’s likely habit that prevents him from learning to fall asleep on his own, and for long stretches. He may have grown used to needing you to fall asleep. Take a look at a guide I wrote, and you can even download a free chapter to see if it’s right for you: https://sleepingshouldbeeasy.com/self-soothe/
Thank you, I really needed to read this. I’m finding it so hard lately to get my 5mo son to sleep and stay asleep after putting him down. It’s infuriating. I guess you don’t always realise how easy it is to fall into what’s expected in parenting these days. Time to take a breather and do it whatever way works for us… And hopefully, he won’t be in these habits for the next 12 months or more
I’m so glad the article came in handy, Kristen! It can definitely be rough when babies don’t sleep, especially after spending so much time putting them down. Have you checked out my self soothing guide? Getting my babies to put themselves to sleep—and stay asleep—was a huge turning point for me. Take a look and see if it resonates with you, that way you don’t have to keep doing this months down the line 🙂