Want to raise strong, confident boys? Stop telling boys to man up. These 5 reasons explain the downsides of telling a boy to be a man and what to do instead. We value a certain kind of boy. The ambitious and popular boy all the girls have a crush on. The class clown who can make anyone laugh, and of course the boy who won't back down from insults or harsh words. Being ambitious, popular, funny or assertive isn't the problem, but hiding other aspects of being a boy in the name of "manning up" is. The documentary The Mask You Live In addresses these issues and how often we're telling … [Read more...]
What to Do when Your Child Disrespects You
Tired of the disrespectful way your child talks back? Learn what to do when your child disrespects you and how you can teach respect instead. The Terrible Two's. The Threenager stage. When kids were younger, we could chalk their snarkiness to "it's just a stage." But after a while, that stage can get out of hand. Kids can be disrespectful, no matter how many times we've tried to break through. And the attitude sometimes stems from a major change in the home—not exactly something we could just erase. Regardless of the reason, it's difficult for all people involved. Both parent and … [Read more...]
Are You Asking Open Ended Questions or Squashing Conversation?
Learn the importance of open ended questions for children to spark conversation and discover what to say (and not say) to encourage interaction. At the dentist's office, my six-year-old pulled out the map he'd been drawing. He sat sketching the rest of it when a woman waiting noticed his map. "Wow, is that a map?" she asked. Before he could answer, she continued, "Is it a treasure map?" He and I both knew he wasn't drawing a treasure map. But, as it sometimes happens when caught off guard, he responded, "Yes." She pressed on. "Where's the treasure? Don't forget to put an 'X' on … [Read more...]
Why We Need to Stop Saying “That’s For Girls”
Do you or others you know say "That's for girls" or "That's for boys"? Here's why we need to stop defining and limiting our children's interests by gender. I had a problem with the cashier, and not for ringing an item up twice. It wasn't that at all. In fact, she greeted us with a friendly smile and rang up our purchases on time. But meanwhile, my son had been waiting and passed time by tinkering with whatever was nearby. In this case, he was running his hands through a box of bracelets. Pink bracelets. The cashier, oblivious to her comment, brushed my son's hand away and said, "Oh … [Read more...]
“What Would You Do?”: Questions You Need to Ask to Keep Your Child Safe
Would your child know what to do in certain situation to keep her safe? Learn the 5 important questions you need to ask to keep your child safe. My six-year-old and I were home in the afternoon. I was getting something in my bedroom while he stayed in the kitchen. Then I heard it—what I thought was the door opening and closing. "Did someone open the door?" I asked him when I came back. I usually lock the door but you never know sometimes. "No," he replied. Still, I imagined all sorts of random people opening the door with me not knowing. And it made me ask him... "What would … [Read more...]
The Difference between Rules and Responsibilities
Responsibilities are an more effective way to teach ownership and accountability. Learn the difference between rules and responsibilities. "At camp, we don't have rules," my then-five-year-old told me. He attended a summer camp that promoted free play and choice. Staffers allowed them to roam and decide which activity they wanted to do, from bread making to dance. I loved this model and appreciated that the camp encouraged self-initiative and decision-making. I understood the benefits of free, independent play and the ability to make their own choices. But no rules? "We have no … [Read more...]
Why You Shouldn’t Tell Your Child to Stop Crying
Listening to your children cry can be frustrating, but should you tell your child to stop crying? Discover 3 compelling reasons not to. He scraped his knee and I held him in my arms, whispering, "Don't cry, don't cry..." Another time he'd been crying for 30 minutes straight and I snapped, "Stop crying already!" Maybe it was when I'd sent him to his room, telling him he can come out when he's finished crying. It's amazing how many times we tell our kids to "stop crying," for many and even with good intentions—from comforting pain to losing our patience. Regardless of the reason, one … [Read more...]
5 Things I Tell My Kids Not to Do but I Secretly Do Myself
I'm published on Scary Mommy! Check it out: You know you’re supposed to model proper behavior. Your kids follow your actions, not your words. But no matter how hard you try, you can’t seem to follow the advice you give your kids—the things you know are good for them, but somehow you secretly excuse when it comes to you. I know I’m guilty of this, big time. I’m the most well-rounded and healthiest mom based on what I tell my kids, but confession time: Come bedtime or when they’re out of sight, I’m not. These five things I tell my kids not to do but secretly do myself will prove it: Head over … [Read more...]
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