In the four-and-a-half years I’ve been a parent, I’ve never not felt tired. Seriously. I haven’t gone one day without yawning my sleepiness away. Or feeling that tingle in your eyes because they want to shut themselves so much. Now that all three kids are sleeping through the night, I can’t even blame them for my sleep deprivation. It’s all on me. I’m tired all the time.
Take, for instance, the glorious weeks after my husband and I sleep-trained the twins. No longer bound by their thrice-nightly wake ups, we now had the hours after 8pm to ourselves. But do we set our bedtime to 8:30pm like we used to before they slept through the night? No—we now pushed bedtime up to 10pm, spoiled that we are for finally being able to spend time kid-free.
Or how about when I stopped pumping for the babies? Gone were the 5:20am wake up times or the 9:30pm pump-before-bedtime rituals. Do I still sleep by 10pm? No—I’ve pushed bedtime even further, sometimes as late as 11pm.
(All the night owls can stop laughing now. I’m one of those folks who need a solid eight hours of sleep.)
I didn’t use those extra hours for sleep. I do domestic stuff, I read, I blog. No wonder I’m tired all the time. (Like now. I’m not only tired but sick, too, and should be resting in bed.)
Your source of tiredness could come from more excusable reasons than mine. Maybe you have a newborn (and newborn hours) or are working overtime. Or maybe you’re like me and you’d rather feel tired than forgo other aspects of your life.
Okay, but we’re still tired all the time. So what do we do?
How do we cope when we’re tired all the time?
These ideas remind us that we need to pay attention when we feel tired. That we can actually do something to relieve it, even if temporary. So when you’re feeling too tired to even feel tired, consider these remedies:
1. Declare a mental health day
Boycott all kid duties for the entire day (or at least a huge chunk of it) and do whatever you want. Leave the house, or banish your partner and kids to a fun outing so you can have the house to yourself.
Clear your mind. Cross off the to-dos clutter your list. Start (or finish) that project you’ve been wanting to. This is your day to reclaim.
2. Do light exercises
This seems counter-intuitive at first: Why make yourself even more tired by exercising?
Yes, your muscles ache, but those endorphins your body releases sends you renewed energy. A brisk walk in the middle of the day can send you out of your funk, especially with the sun out in full force.
An impromptu dance session with your kids can break the blahs, especially when you can’t take a nap.
3. Nap
Or cat nap. Or just lie down, even if you don’t actually fall asleep. I get home and I have a few minutes between having dinner ready and when the nanny has to leave.
I use those precious few minutes to lie down on my bed and close my eyes. On weekends, I nap when my twins are sleeping while my husband hangs out with our four-year-old.
4. Ask for help
Rely on your support system, whether it’s your mom or siblings or friends. At family parties, ask others to watch your kids so you can rest. Invite people over to watch your kids so you can also rest.
Even little things count. I dice and prepare food, but I was just too tired the other night. I was in no mood to tear apart a chicken drumstick into baby-sized pieces. Instead I asked our nanny if she can handle it the next day.
5. Take a day off work
You may not be sick (or going on a fancy vacation), but take a day off to tend to yourself. Keep the kids in school, day care or with the nanny so you can climb into your still-unmade bed and sleep.
6. Be still and meditate
Here’s one where I need to practice what I preach. I’m always on the go, whether doing things around the house or ticking off things to do or write. It feels good being productive, but sometimes that busy-ness comes at a price.
7. Load up on water
Notice I didn’t say caffeine? Coffee could be a quick fix, but you’ll hit a low and suffer from its side effects like headaches. Stay hydrated because lack of water can affect your health and fatigue.
8. Divvy up duties
Maybe you feel tired from doing everything because you are doing everything. Communicate with your partner so he can assume the duties around the household.
9. Let go of your standards
Or consider not doing so much. Before kids, my place was meticulous. Now I’m happy if we put the toys away at the end of the night. And don’t be a gatekeeper. It’s okay if your partner doesn’t load the dishwasher the same way you do. (Mine still loads measuring cups with the utensils… who does that? Oh yeah, my husband.) Fact is, it got done.
10. Lessen the time-suckers
Do you find yourself consumed too much by one activity (me: blogging)? Put a cap on activities that can suck you in. It’s so easy to lose a sense of time when you’re really involved in something. Maybe it’s watching television (“Let’s just keep watching until the episode finishes”). Or reading a book (“Just until the next section break”)—two big time-suckers for me.
11. Reconsider your work schedule
I know a mom who balances working from home and raising her kids all by herself, to the detriment of her sleep. She reserves the evenings—where she gets uninterrupted time—for her work. Sometimes her bedtime is at 1am. Considering that her kids wake up not too long after that, it’s no wonder she’s tired. Reconsider things in your life that are chronically making you tired.
12. Don’t make the same mistake the next night
Monday night I wasn’t able to fall asleep until 11pm. I was dead tired by Tuesday, but did I make up for the lack of sleep that evening? No, I just slept the normal (late) time I do. Come Wednesday I was beyond tired where I felt like I just needed to rest my head on the table to catch my sanity back. Lesson learned: Go to bed early, especially when I have no reason not to.
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Conclusion
As moms, we expect feeling tired. It comes with the job, right? We have so many things to do with the limited time we have. It’s easy to sacrifice sleep to get things done or enjoy what few precious minutes we have to ourselves.
Still, chronic fatigue is serious. You never want to get to the point where you’re so sleep-deprived you can hardly function. Where you don’t enjoy the moments, but rather drag yourself until you can finally crash and sleep.
When you feel insanely tired, take a break. Your tomorrow-self will thank you for it.
Get more tips:
- 6 Tips to Make Your Morning Routine for School Run Smoothly
- How to Quick Get Through the 12 Month Sleep Regression
- What to Do When Your 2 Year Old Wakes Up at Night for Hours
- Why Your Toddler Is Going Through the 1 Year Old Sleep Regression
Some days are much worse than others, and sometimes it’s an entire week where I feel like I need to recharge. I’m with you on the early bed time. I used to get by with 7 hours but if I don’t get at least 8 hours, I am doomed. I started tracking my sleep with an app and I finally have proof that without 8 hours my sleep quality is poor. My husband also tracks his sleep and he can get by with 7 hours. UGH! I think being still (mediating) does help, and I notice if I do some daily affirmations it sets me up nicely too. Kids are so exhausting!
I swear Rebecca I am so jealous of people who can get by with less sleep. I was very jealous of the Twilight vampires because they didn’t even *need* to sleep. How awesome would that be? Parenting would be so much easier lol!
Completely did the same – both kids in bed by 8:30pm and NOW I want to stay up until midnight. So wrong, but right, right??? haha. I like your tips like “declare a mental health day” and “light exercise”. I have been meaning to do exercise at least once a day but allergies and a cold and now back-log of stuff to do is keeping me from it. Nevertheless, it’s on my to-do list :).
Definitely right!
I told myself I was going to exercise today but I’m sick with a cold. That’s a valid excuse, right? 😉
Last night I should’ve been in bed by 8pm because I was sick. Instead I stayed up to watch a Downton Abbey DVD. (Just finally getting into it! Saw the first two episodes and loved it.) See, this is why I can’t sleep early.
I am a huge fan of mini naps for this! Just took one today, but really should send myself off to bed now…
It’s addicting, this going to bed late business, I tell you. I managed to sleep by 10:15pm tonight. Woo hoo! lol
My husband and I definitely don’t get enough sleep. Our weekday alarm goes off at 5am, yet we never go to sleep before 10pm (and sometimes, it’s closer to 11pm). For whatever reason, I can tolerate less sleep better than he can. But, he’s not pushing for an earlier bedtime (rather, he just wants to be excused from having to pay attention all the time, claiming exhaustion as his reason for ignoring me – nice try, buddy! ha!). He makes up for his loss of sleep by taking naps on the weekends and every few weeks going to sleep a bit earlier. I make up for my loss of sleep by exercising – it’s a great way to wake-up, even if it’s done late in the day!
Ugh, 5am… just thinking about it makes me tired. And I thought my 5:20am alarm was early. You are definitely “lucky” in my book Nilsa in that you can function on less sleep!
I relate to so many of the time-sucking activities. I love to read, but the only time I really have is at night once my husband leaves for work at 10 PM because I hate to read during the hour and a half we have together once the kids go to bed. Since quitting Facebook I found more time in my day to do the other stuff that actually needs to get done.
I think one of the reasons I had been going to sleep at like midnight is because I wasn’t actually tired. I was mentally exhausted from taking care of the kids all day, but my body wasn’t all that tired. I started working out every day 2 weeks ago and now I am ready for bed at 10 PM. Plus I seem to sleep better. And I am less grumpy as a result of that – a win-win all around.
Also, I like that you are critiquing your husband’s dishwasher loading common sense. 🙂 My husband is constantly loading it weird and stuff doesn’t dry because it’s full of water… Ah! But I try to hold my tongue since there are more important things to pester him about. Lol
Maybe that’s another benefit of exercises: it forces you to want to actually rest! So glad you’ve been able to glean its benefits. I’m so spotty when it comes to exercise. I know how good it is for me but I have yet to do anything set. Like, these days I use my cold as an excuse not to work out.
And yeah, what is up with the dishwasher loaded incorrectly? Haha. But hey it gets done, right?
AMEN! Lessening the time-suckers is a big one for me. As life got really busy, I became really conscious of how much time I was spending doing certain tasks, and I realized that I was actually wasting a lot more time than I realized doing things that weren’t priorities in my life.
Which ones were your time-suckers, Katie? For me, I realize that even little things add up. Stuff like reading useless articles on Buzzfeed or Facebook ends up taking up a chunk of my time!
Hoooooo boy! Can I relate to this! There was a good year (plus) that I didn’t get a stretch of six hours of sleep more than a handful of times. It was SO brutal. In that time I managed to get off or coffee and drink mostly tea, until a 3Pm single shot of espresso 🙂 I found that lots of water and exercise were really helpful. Limiting sugar had a huge impact, too. Sugar crashes are more debilitating than caffeine crashes to me! Finally, fresh air is crucial. It was difficult to do this most days in the winter, but getting everyone outside for a walk to the playground or a romp in the grass is a great pick-me-up. Especially if the air is particularly brisk!
Isn’t it nuts Lynn how even though technically you can clock in 8+ hours a day, it doesn’t count unless you get them all at the same stretch? I found that to be true during the newborn stage. It’s like our bodies can’t survive on chunks of hours but really needs a solid 8 to get by.
And yes I’ve noticed that lessening my sugar has helped me too, as does fresh air!
All great tips – but in the end, getting our sleep is the most important thing of all, because when we get that tired do we sensibly stop driving? Probably not! Sleep deprivation impairs judgement and reaction time and can lead to accidents, putting ourselves, our precious children, and others, at risk of serious injury and worse.
This is so true, Judith. I read somewhere that being sleep deprived is the same as being drunk! It impairs our judgment so much. That turning point when the kids sleep through the night is so liberating for parents. ~Nina