Hiring an Au pair can be a great option to your child care needs. Before you decide, here’s what you need to consider when hiring an Au pair.
For many parents, deciding on child care includes many factors: convenience, cost, the proximity to work. In our case, putting both kids in day care would’ve stretched our budget too much. And while we considered a nanny, we eventually decided on hiring an Au pair instead.
I’d like to answer a few questions you may have on hiring an Au pair, and considerations you should make before making your decision.
What is an Au pair?
An Au pair is someone typically from another country who moves in with you and your family as a caregiver for your children.
How much is an Au pair?
You pay a one-time fee to the agency plus a weekly stipend to the Au pair. The fees are the same, no matter the age of your children or how many you had.
Currently, according to the U.S. Department of State, the weekly payment is at least $195.75.
Besides the agency and stipend fees, extra costs may include larger grocery and utility bills. Each family is different, but we make and have dinner with our Au pair, though that’s not required. If your Au pair will be driving, expect an increase in car maintenance, gas, and insurance. Our agency also required our Au pair to take six credits worth of classes as part of their educational stipend.
What are an Au pair’s hours?
With an Au pair, you’ll have the flexibility and convenience of childcare in your home. The Au pair can work any days or hours you need, but many agencies will limit her hours to 45 hours per week, with at least a two-day weekend off every month.
An Au pair will work with the schedule you give her, freeing you from any need to conform to a daycare’s schedule. I couldn’t stand the thought of forcing my one-year-old to only nap once a day at day care!
If you have school-aged children, an Au pair can also help before and after-school. She can drop-off and pick-up your children and create an after school routine. Au pairs can also do child-related household chores like laundry, changing sheets, cooking, and tidying your play and living areas.
Read more about creating an after school routine.
What you need to consider when hiring an Au pair
Before deciding on hiring an Au pair, take a look at a few considerations to think about:
1. A stranger in your home
Your Au pair will be a stranger before meeting her in person. Are you ready to welcome someone you don’t know into your home? You’ll need to feel comfortable having her around every day.
The agency will do a thorough background check, so you’ll be okay in that regard. But your personalities may not mesh well together, sometimes enough to make situations awkward or uncomfortable.
Be open to adjusting to your Au pair’s habits, as she will to yours. And most importantly, stress open communication to any problems either of you may feel.
2. Home sickness
If welcoming a stranger into your home feels strange, you can imagine what it’s like to be your Au pair. She’ll not only be away from her family and friends, she’ll live in a completely new country, perhaps with language and cultural differences she’s not used to.
Will you be available to help her transition?
We noticed times when our Au pair felt sad, so we encouraged her to cry and talk about her family. We reminded her that we can be her second family away from home. And we’d ask her how she felt, made sure she felt comfortable asking us any questions or bringing up issues she may have.
3. Language and cultural barriers
Since Au pairs are usually caregivers from another country, you’ll likely need to adjust to language and cultural barriers. You’ll need patience to explain everything, down to the tiniest detail, such as how you want your child’s diaper changed to what they should eat for lunch.
For instance, our Thai Au pair had never used an oven because ovens are uncommon in Thailand. We showed her how to use just about every appliance in the house, and we also typed instructions she could refer to.
Interview questions to ask a potential Au pair
Now that you’ve decided an Au pair is a good choice for your family, you’ll want a list of interview questions (here are important nanny interview questions to ask). We wanted someone who enjoyed kids, not someone who just wanted to come to America. The “coming to America” should be the bonus, not the focus. Here are the some of the questions we asked:
- What do you enjoy most about children? The least?
- What activities do you like to do with children? We were age-specific when we asked this since we had a preschooler and wanted him to get lessons in the alphabet and numbers.
- What are you hoping to learn or gain in your Au pair year?
Next, we wanted to be sure our Au pair could take care of an infant and preschooler, so we asked:
- What do you imagine it will be like to be with two kids for the whole day?
- What activities can you do that are appropriate for both an infant and preschooler?
- How do you plan to handle stress?
- What would you do if the baby is crying and the four-year-old needs your help?
We had more questions, but these were the ones that separated the Au pairs from one another. We all know how hard it is to take care of kids on our own, so we wanted an Au pair that had a passion for childcare. These questions helped us find the right person.
Get more tips about child care:
Your turn: Have you considered hiring an Au pair? What’s your child care situation, and how did you decide on that route? Let us know in the comments!
Some great tips here by Lisa and while I have never had an Au Pair and probably won’t I could see this helping a great many. So thank you for sharing with us!
Thanks for commenting, Janine! I didn’t realize there were so many families with APs until we had one ourselves.
This is great Lisa! I would have loved to have an au pair when my daughter was younger. My sister has been talking about getting one to help her out with her three little ones so I will have to send this to her. I have to admit the thought of hosting a stranger in my home would feel really weird at first. It sounds like if you find someone who is loving and great with your kids, they kind of become like family.
Hi Karen! Yes, please do send this and let her know I’m available for questions! There are many families who have an AP as help even if the mom is also at home. You’re right, welcoming a stranger into your home can be weird at first. Some families treat their APs like family, which we did. Some treat them like employees. It’s just whatever works. Thanks for commenting!
I would think it’s really hard to pick someone to live in your home and care for your children through an interview process. In addition to asking questions about the au pair and their interest in children, I would also want to know how they take direction / ask for guidance from the parents, as that relationship is just as important.
Hi Nilsa! Very hard indeed! There’s only so much time to ask questions and interview an AP, so you kinda have to get to the point. Certainly their communication style is good to know, and I think talking to a potential AP over Skype, we got a good impression about how and how well the AP could communicate with us. Luckily, our Thai AP turned out great. Though we had to initiate conversations, she never held anything back that was really bothering her. And vice versa.
Thanks for all the info, Lisa! Don’t laugh but I thought an au pair was a nanny from France. I think that’s because the au pairs that I heard of when I lived in Chicagoland were from France.
I don’t know how comfortable I would be living with someone I didn’t know, but it would be nice to build a new bond.
XOXO
I bet that’s where the term comes from though! I’d be weirded out with living with a stranger too, but I know people who have made it work and consider their live-in nannies like family.
Hi Mrs. AOK! Well “au pair” means “on par” in France, like the person is treated like a family member. It takes some getting used to, living with someone, though now that we don’t have an AP, it’s very freeing :).
I think my husband had a distant cousin who came over as an Au Pair. She seemed to really enjoy the experience (of course it helped that she had a few dozen family members in the area). I’m not sure we could ever house an au pair, though. It’s just beyond my comfort level. But I can definitely see how it can be a mutually beneficial arrangement.
We have a tight space, so for me, an au pair wouldn’t work. Though it’d be pretty awesome if the au pair was great not just on a child care level but even for company, like a friend. I wouldn’t mind that, but being that our home is pretty tight, I doubt we’d make it work. I already feel self-conscious walking around in my house clothes with the nanny around haha.
Hi Leslie, Glad you have a good impression of APs. Not every AP that comes has a good experience due to differences in expectations of the AP and the host family.
This was an interesting read! Thank you for sharing.
Thanks for stopping by, Amber!
I second that, Nina. Thanks for commenting, Amber!
This is interesting! Because when Lisa talked about getting an Au pair on her blog, I immediately researched about it although I’m not sure whether the terms would apply her in the Philippines. I’ve never heard of it before. It’s so hard to look for someone who can take care of the kids. We once reached out to an agency and almost ready to get one caregiver but my inlaws were not open to allowing strangers in the house so we gave it up.
When I lived in the Philippines, we had live-in nannies. I’m not sure what my parents’ selection process was, though. I think over time, the nannies definitely did not seem like strangers but you’re right, there’s still that sense of stranger-ness about them now that I think about it.
Hi Rea! Thanks! Alan grew up with live-in nannies when he was in Hong Kong. They went through agencies. I think most HKers do this, so maybe Alan’s grandparents didn’t find it so odd. Hope you can find good childcare. No matter where you live, that’s always a tough thing to find.
My kids have always been in day care. I don’t think that Au Pairs are a realistic option in my area. I don’t think I know of anyone who’s had one. I do know people who have hired nannies, though they weren’t live-in nannies. I see it as an interesting choice for those who are in the position to look at it.
I heard about using au pairs all the time especially on mom boards but like you, never considered it, nor do I know anyone personally who has hired one.
Hi Rabia! I only knew of one family, the one that referred us. Other than that, I haven’t come across any families with APs even though there are a ton in the DC area. Maybe because I run with the “daycare crowd” now ;).
I’m not sure we’ll ever need one, but my good friend has one and man, is she awesome. I kinda want to steal her away sometimes – I can’t lie.
Haha that’s too funny Tamara!
Hi Tamara! Well, that’s a positive sign when you like the AP so much so steal her :).
I don’t hire outside help – just work while they are in school or happily playing at home – but most of my friends seem to use either child care centers or nannies. I have heard that it is because au pairs don’t stay long term and having an au pair transfer over to being a nanny doesn’t work well most of the time.
Oh I hadn’t heard of that! It seems from Lisa though that they are there on a year-by-year basis.
Hi Maryanne, That is very true! They are on year-to-year bases, though some might extend for a 2nd year. You’re right, kids do need stability, so an AP isn’t ideal. Heck, I’d like stability too!