How to Get Your Toddler to Tell You When They Need to Potty

Wondering how to get your toddler to tell you when they need to potty? If you’re tired of accidents and ready to try something else, you’re in the right place. In this article, we’ll explore how to encourage self-initiation and communication with potty training using these simple tips!

How to Get Toddler to Tell You When They Need to Potty

Is a toddler really potty trained if he won’t go on his own?

My son would use the potty when I took him as part of our routine, but I wanted him to start telling me that he needed to go. If I tried waiting for him to say something, he’d have an accident. The times I forgot to have him sit on the potty, he peed in his underwear—and didn’t even say anything until I saw the telltale signs.

I learned that regularly taking him to the potty every hour was an effective way to get him used to a new way of peeing and pooping. But at some point, he needed to be able to go on his own based on his awareness of his body.

Thankfully, I researched all I could to make this happen and found several strategies that worked. I no longer had to schedule potty trips and could rely on and expect him to tell me when he had to go. Here’s how I helped him do just that:

Table of Contents

Catch the accident

Have you caught your toddler in the middle of an accident? This is a perfect opportunity to send him straight to the bathroom, no matter how “finished” his accident may be.

This allows him to connect the physical sensations to the action that needs to happen, which is to go to the bathroom and sit on the potty. As much as you tell him beforehand what he should do when he needs to pee, there’s nothing like experiencing it right then and there to drill the message in.

Let’s say your toddler is potty trained but poops in his pants. When you see that he’s in the middle of pooping, rush him to the bathroom. Don’t wait for him to finish—take him right away so he knows that going to the bathroom is what he should do when he feels himself pooping.

This is also an opportunity to clean the mess, dump the poop in the toilet, and otherwise connect what his body is doing to where it needs to do it. The key is to help him make the connection that not only is soiling himself a pleasant experience, but that the best way to avoid feeling this way again is to use the potty.

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Look for triggers

Even if your toddler may not be able to articulate the exact words to say he needs to use the potty, he might be dropping clues here and there, enough for you to prompt him to go to the bathroom.

For instance, he might have an awkward stance when he needs to pee or hides in a corner if he has to poop. Perhaps he says his belly hurts or you see him grab his crotch or clench his behind.

Look for telltale signs that he needs to go, then urge him to go to the bathroom. This is a perfect opportunity to show him that these sensations are his clues that he should use the potty.

Praise progress

With potty training, it’s easy to measure success as peeing or pooping in the potty. After all, the ultimate goal is for our kids to ditch diapers and use the toilet as you and I do.

But we forget that several steps—both forward and back—need to happen before they reach that goal. That’s why we need to praise them not only for the times they pee and poop on the potty, but for the progress they’re making.

Maybe your toddler refuses to sit on the potty undressed but will do so with her diapers or clothes on. While this is steps away from actually using the potty, praise her for at least giving it a chance in her small way.

Maybe she had an accident, which you might see as a setback. But she looked at you in shock and admitted, “I think I peed.” While she still soiled herself, praise her for acknowledging that she had peed, which is a step above not saying anything at all.

Model the behavior

A fantastic way to show your toddler what he should do is to model it yourself.

Even if you don’t take him with you to the potty (I never did), you can still announce that you need to go. You can say, “I need to take a break from playing to go to the bathroom.”

Even better: explain why you think you need to. You can say, “I drank a lot of water. I’m going to the bathroom to pee.” Or “I feel a tingle in my bladder. Looks like I need to pee!” You’re describing your physical sensations and showing him what to do should he feel the same.

Or let’s say he’s afraid to poop in the potty. While you certainly aren’t, you can describe ways to make it easier. Perhaps you’ll say, “I’m going to leave this door open so I can still see what’s outside the bathroom.”

Use consistent language

One strategy that can get your toddler to tell you when he needs to potty is to stick to consistent language. In other words, use the same language for the same things.

For instance, use the word “pee” in all cases, instead of interchanging it with “pee-pee,” “potty,” “number one,” or other nicknames. Use simple instructions to keep the process understandable, from how to pull down his pants to where he should wash his hands.

Sticking to the same word can help him verbally communicate exactly what he needs without having to consider all the other options.

The bottom line

Trying to convince your toddler to tell you when he needs to use the potty can be challenging. With these tips, you can encourage him to be more aware of his bowel movements and let you know he has to go. Rest assured, he’ll not only let you know he has to potty, but will do so on his own—all without having to take him every hour.

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10 Comments

Maria Castillo says:

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How can I help my 5 year old son to use the toilet. He has a bit of a speech delay and really communicate when he needs to go. How can I make this easier for him and I? Any good tips are welcomed

1. Jamie says:
  
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  I hope you received an answer to your question. I too wonder what i should do. I will look into this more though. My 2 1/2 yo boy will sit on the potty, grunt, then get up and clap. lol but he has a speech delay which is very hard and frustrating to deal with. How do I tell him to let me know when he cant? idk, but you are a wonderful parent and I wish you all the best with your son and I know you got this!
  
  1. Nina Garcia says:
    
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    Hi Jamie! That’s adorably cute that he grunts and claps for himself—likely a display he may have picked up from you when you praise him for using the potty 🙂 Keep taking him at regular intervals, and praise him for the times he makes any sort of effort to tell you that he needs to potty. Maybe he’s doing the pee pee dance, or he points to the bathroom. That way, he still has other ways to communicate even if not in words.
    
2. Nina Garcia says:
  
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  Hi Maria! Does he use signs? I’ve found that signing can be helpful with communicating when they need to use the potty. If not, I would praise him each time he makes some sort of effort to communicate that he needs to use the potty (even if not in exact words). If he points to the bathroom and pees, that deserves plenty of praise!
  
Claudia says:

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This describes my son to a T! I thought I was the only mom with a kid that did this. I got sone weird stares whenever i explained the situation to others. I will try your suggestions and hopefully have some luck. Thank you so much for sharing.

1. Nina Garcia says:
  
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  Sounds good, Claudia! Keep us posted on how it goes, and best of luck <3
  
Olivia says:

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We’ve been potty training for 3 months now, but my 2.5 year old still won’t admit she needs to go, even when I can clearly tell she needs to and I ask her. This goes for poop and pee. This is especially frustrating since I now have a newborn. I have tried everything from rewards to mild punishments to nothing, and it still doesn’t make a difference. I know that she knows when she needs to go, and it’s really hard to watch the clock nowadays.

1. Nina Garcia says:
  
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  Hi Olivia! It’s definitely rough when you just wish they would go when they needed to. I’ve found that they don’t really tell us because they don’t want to stop what they’re doing, or they don’t like being asked, or they don’t want to bother with the whole potty process.
  
  If it feels like she always says no, maybe you could suggest that she go after certain events (like after eating, before nap, etc). That way it becomes part of your routine and doesn’t require you to keep asking her if she needs to go. And if she happens to go on her own, try praising her so that she knows that this is the kind of behavior you want to promote.
  
Marla says:

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Right now I am really struggling with getting my almost 3 year old to tell me when he has go to potty at home. When we are out running errands he will tell me he has to go. He sees my older son use the potty all the time and will sit and go most of the time when I put him on. He knows when he is wet and will tell me that he is wet. Can’t wait to read what you have to say and hopefully I can finally get him using the potty!

1. Nina Garcia says:
  
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  That’s great that he tells you when you’re out in public, which means he’s nearly there about telling you at home. One thing that helps is to praise him and point it out when he does, and remind him that he can do the same at home. Also, another tactic you can try is to let him know he can just go by himself when he’s at home (ie he doesn’t have to tell you). Whether he tells you he has to go or heads to the bathroom without saying a word, both are good things to praise, as he’s able to be aware of his body at home.