Not sure how to make time for yourself with children in tow? Check out these practical tips on how to make time for yourself as a parent.
Moms, we spend a lot of our time working, caring for kids and cleaning our homes.
You prepare breakfast, get the kids ready for school, juggle work, and deal with endless to-do lists. Any breaks you get feel like you ought to do even more, to stay productive. To get one step ahead of the hours that seem to slip so quickly.
So much so that any time to yourself—exercise, old hobbies—gets pushed to the bottom of the list.
Never mind that you see other moms continue to pursue hobbies and somehow find time for themselves. They’re exercising, baking, catching up on books… meanwhile, you’re ready to crash for the day.
And even if you’ve heard the common advice to have a life outside the kids, you don’t exactly know how to do just that.
How to make time for yourself as a parent
As demanding as life as a mom can be, finding time for yourself is still crucial, not only for your well-being but for that of your family. After all, they’d rather have a well-balanced, happy mom than one who “gets things done” but is always stressed and frazzled.
What are some tips on how to make time for yourself, even as a busy mom? And what are a few reasons why moms need alone time? Check out a few “me time” ideas you can do:
1. Find a hobby you can do at home
Maybe you were once an avid wine taster or a hiking fanatic. Or you’d hit the waves on your surfboard or watch a movie every weekend.
As a mom, you may not have too many opportunities for certain hobbies. You can’t exactly carve three hours to drive to the beach, much less take the kids with you for wine tasting.
But what if you focus on hobbies you can do at home?
For instance, you might dust the old piano or head to the backyard to do some gardening. You can borrow ebooks from the library, find 30-minute fitness videos online, or learn how to bake a loaf of bread.
Find or rekindle a hobby you can do at home, which are more feasible than those that need you to head outside.
Free ebook: Finding time for yourself as a parent is possible. Join my newsletter and get my ebook, Time Management Strategies for the Overwhelmed Mom! You’ll get more tips on how to better manage your time and feel less tired and overwhelmed. Download it below—at no cost to you:
2. Do fun things after the kids are asleep
Do you go to bed at the same time as the kids? Put them to bed at a consistently earlier hour so you can use the time between your bedtimes for yourself. If their bedtime is 7:30pm and yours is at 10pm, you get to enjoy 2.5 hours of time to yourself.
With the kids tucked in bed, you can read, watch movies, or pour yourself wine and eat cheese and crackers.
Many evenings get swallowed up by tasks and catch-up chores, so be intentional with setting certain nights to yourself. You might dedicate Friday evenings to movies at home, or the first 15 minutes of every night to a knitting project.
3. Do fun things with the kids
Can’t get away from the kids? Do fun things with them.
I know, I know… this doesn’t count as “time for yourself.” But if you’re looking for time to do fun things—anything besides chores and tasks—doing them with your kids can be the next best thing.
You don’t have to dedicate whole weekends, either. Plenty of downtime can be all it takes, from setting up a picnic in the backyard to playing board games in the living room.
Life doesn’t have to be devoid of everything you used to enjoy before becoming a mom. You just need to learn how to accommodate your kids.
4. Keep your home reasonably clean
Are you compelled to scrub the sink or wipe the stove each time so much as a smudge appears? As satisfying as it might be to keep a clean home, learn to let a lot of it go if it means finding more time for yourself.
Maybe that means you vacuum once a week instead of every day, or skip ironing a few clothes and hang them up straight from the dryer.
For many of us, our homes won’t be as sparkling clean as they might have been before we had kids. And we need to be okay with that—a reasonably clean home is more than fine.
Learn 6 reasons you can’t keep up with cleaning your home.
5. Teach your kids to be more independent
One of the biggest reasons you might not have much time for yourself is because your kids need you 24/7.
Now, changing your toddler’s diaper or cooking their meals clearly need your help. But see which tasks and activities they can do themselves, even if it means spending more time upfront teaching them how to do so.
For instance, you might encourage them to:
- Play a game together
- Grab their own plates or utensils
- Read a book on their own
- Get dressed
- Play in the backyard
- Brush their teeth
The more independent your kids can be, the more time you have to yourself.
That said, age matters, too. Older kids are not only more independent, but are easier to take out and about, and can last longer in the day. Making time for yourself with a young infant is a difficult task that will eventually ease up as the months go by.
Learn how to raise an independent toddler.
6. Spend time with friends and family
Spending time with others outside your immediate family can often take the backseat. After all, dedicating an hour and a half to a Zoom chat with relatives or friends eats up a chunk of your night. Never mind that your kids won’t exactly sleep in the next morning, leaving you more exhausted.
But friendships—connections, really—are important enough to mark your commitments on a calendar. They’ll give you a moment of respite, a reminder that you’re loved and belong. They’ll make you laugh, allow you to vent, and reassure you that you’re not alone.
Spending time with others also doesn’t have to happen frequently, either. Yes, you may have spent more time with friends back in college, but these days, once in a while hangouts are more than enough.
7. Have play dates with friends who have kids
Spending time with friends still making you feel guilty for being away from the kids? Combine the two and have a play date with their kids!
I love the dynamic of “family” play dates with friends of your own. You get to spend time with them while encouraging your kids to make or nurture friendships of their own.
Of course, in these times of quarantines and social distancing, play dates will are on hold. But down the line, hanging out with friends who have kids of their own is a fantastic way to enjoy your time.
Learn how to make mom friends.
Conclusion
To think that life can remain the same with kids in the picture is unrealistic. Life changes with kids. For many of us, becoming parents is the single biggest change we’ll face. Accept it, work with it, but remember that this is a new role we now have.
But here’s something I want to leave you with: you have to believe that you can make the time for yourself.
Have you met busy people? They’re the ones who have so much to do, but all that extra work still leaves them just as busy as they started off. People get stuck with busyness. No time management tools, apps or motivation can get them out of their rut.
We can always make or find the time for things that are important to us, including time for ourselves. Start a hobby you can do at home, or do fun things after the kids are asleep. If you can’t get away from them, do fun things with them.
Teach them to be more independent, from doing tasks to entertaining themselves. Keep your home reasonably—not impeccably—clean. Spend time with friends and family, even if over a video chat, and down the line, hang out with friends who have kids.
Being a mom is busy, but we can’t let ourselves believe that having no time for ourselves is our lot for a long while. Because even in the middle of a busy day, we can still catch a glimmer of joy and contentment, a bit of “me time” as a mom.
Get more tips:
- What to Do when Your Baby Needs to Be Entertained Constantly
- How to Balance Parenthood with the Rest of Your Life
- On Rediscovering Yourself After Motherhood
- 6 Reasons Motherhood Is Hard
- The Best Advice for New Parents (From Parents Who’ve Been There)
Finding time for yourself as a parent is possible. Check out more tips on how to better manage your time and feel less tired and overwhelmed. Join my newsletter and get my ebook, Time Management Strategies for the Overwhelmed Mom! Download it below—at no cost to you:
I’ve never been very good at doing that since I’ve become a parent. I really do love the weekend time with family, but of course, alone time is key. Luckily I utilize the time in which my husband is at work, and both kids are at school to at least do one thing fun a day or so, in between working and picking them up!
Tamara that’s awesome you have a moment to yourself! I don’t have that at all (other than in the evenings when all the kids are asleep, at least).
My best friend and I both work full time and have husband’s doing shift work. It doesn’t leave a lot of time for just the two of us to get together. One night we were texting and realized that the kids were asleep and both husbands were home. We jumped in the care and headed out to a restaurant for a gooey chocolate dessert together! It was so fun and it felt fabulous to be able to just run out for an hour and talk to each other. Even though we were both yawning, it was an amazing experience!
Aw that’s so fun Rabia! I love hanging out with the girls. Just had a weekend with two friends, one night a dinner and another me visiting a friend who just had a baby. Totally worth the tiredness of coming home at 11pm 🙂
Blogging has become my “me” time – especially during the winter months. But now that the temperatures are warming up, I’m able to include the kids in things that I love to do too, like gardening and taking walks around the neighborhood. It can be really difficult to find time to be social when you’re balancing kids, work and home. I know women who do it better than I, but we all have different priorities and different needs to stay ‘sane’.
Blogging is totally my ‘me’ time too, Leslie! As far as my friends, for one thing, I don’t have too many super close friends, so I’m definitely not out every weekend, either. And about half my friends live far away, so even if I wanted to, I simply can’t hang out with them often. And I don’t really mind. We’ve all been so busy and have different priorities now, that when we do catch up, it still feels nice and doesn’t feel like we haven’t seen each other in forever.
This is a great post. The age issue is really big. Our life definitely stays busy as our kids get older. But as they grow they are able to do so much more without my constant supervision and help. Now weekends are still busy, but I’m able to cook while they take a bath or check on emails while they do homework. As this has happened, I find my capacity to do more of my own interests is easier to fit into our family life.
Thanks, Ali 🙂 My eldest isn’t as old as your twins yet, but I agree—I find that age makes a huge difference. Even as my toddler twins grow, I notice they’re much more independent now than before. And the difference between a five-year-old and a two-year-old is noticeable. I’m able to get things done or go out or find time for myself much more with the five-year-old around than with the twins.
I read whenever I can – that’s my favorite hobby. I’ll do it while I walk the dog or use the elliptical, so I’m getting two things done at once. I don’t have much trouble finding me time with two teenagers, but I remember when it used to be much harder.
I imagine it gets much easier with teenagers! I get jealous of my older siblings who can take midday naps while their teens keep themselves busy 🙂
I’m lucky that my gym keeps childcare staff on SEVEN HOURS a day. Seven! I can hand them over for a mental health break and hop on the machines for a physical health break while I’m at it. If I’m on top of things, I’ll have downloaded an audiobook and it’s an hour of bliss.
Or…is that too much like multitasking? Am I defeating the purpose here?
Haha you know what though Courtney, there’s no way I can get on a treadmill without music or something to listen to. You’re all good!
This is good! Really. I’m so happy to say that I consistenly have and find time alone for myself only. It helps that my husband is staying at home too. We actually just take turns. I don’t mind if he spends time playing video games outside alone or with his friends as long as I’m home to watch after my son. It really helps to have a great support from your loved ones too because like what you said, life with kids is really different. I’ve also read from a website that being busy is different from being productive and I truly believe in it.
I’ve always thought the ideal working situation is when both parents work from home or have their own hours. The flexibility must be awesome! You guys are able to pursue your own hobbies and take turns. I love your comment about being busy too. I don’t take it as a good thing when people say they’re busy—it just seems like they don’t have the skills to get everything done haha. I like productive!
These are great tips! I have started running around my neighborhood and going on my treadmill. Driving to and from the gym took me almost a half an hour so I didn’t really feel like it was efficient. I like going to the beach because the kids will dig in the sand for awhile and my husband and I can just relax.
That was actually one of the biggest reasons I dropped the gym. I’d DRIVE to the gym which seemed silly, just to work out for half an hour then come home. Now I like to walk to the park and workout at home. And yes, the beach is awesome!
I’ve focused so much energy on the topics under “Making time for yourself alone” that I hadn’t given myself much time to consider the other options you have here. I’ve done some of the things you mention but, more often than not, I give up doing things I want to do. Thank you for sharing this. It’s much-needed, as you know, and the ideas are actually things that can work. 🙂
You’re welcome Sarah. Yeah, I feel like we need time to do other things in addition to ‘me time.’
All very good and practical tips. You could seriously write a book with all of your knowledge. Seriously. I have definitely made it priority, like you said, and found things to do at home (reading, blogging) and things that involve my kids (practicing photography on them, hehe). The best thing that has happened lately is me cutting back on blogging, or at least feeling guilty if I don’t blog. My evenings are free for reading or just doing nothing. I love it. I really enjoy a being a parent more now than when I wasn’t taking time for myself.
Thanks Lisa! Writing a book is one of my far-away (or not?) goals 🙂
I think it’s awesome you were so intentional about cutting back on blogging. When you know what stresses you, it’s much easier to let go when you know you’re not ‘supposed to’ be doing it. I have to stop blogging at 9:30pm (ideally 9pm) to feel balanced, and I think I might cut back more because I haven’t worked out in forever, plus I want to make sure I read before going to bed every night.
So glad to hear that all is going smoothly with parenting. Goes to show how taking care of mom is much better for the kids than if we’re all frazzled.
Teaching your kids to be more independent is a big one! As well as carving out time specifically marked for a specific activity. I stay at home with my one-year-old son. However, since I’m approaching blogging as a business, the lines between work and home life are incredibly blurred. This leaves me feeling like I never have time for anything because I am always multi-tasking. I’m definitely a work in progress on this one.
I can imagine, JoAnn! We can only do so much after a while. I literally have to stop myself blogging at a certain time because otherwise I can go on and on with this thing haha.
I loved playdates, if only because it gave me adult conversation. They were a bit of a lifeline. I also took up guitar, which I could practice after the kids were in bed.
That’s an awesome hobby Seana—one my husband continues to do til now (literally speaking haha).
So true! Someone recently asked me, “What do you enjoy doing in your free time?” I was totally tongue tied. My mind became entangled in thoughts of “what is free time,” “do I have free time,” “what do I like to do,” “do I do anything”. This was a wake-up call. I realized that I was losing myself in motherhood. I thought, how can I pass on my passions if I lose them along the way?! Thank you for this valuable share!
“How can I pass on my passions if I lose them along the way?” That’s such a great question to ask! For me it’s not so much about trying to get the kids to follow my passion as it is them seeing me have passions and hobbies and know that they can and should as well.