Struggling when your toddler won’t nap, especially when it feels like you’ve tried everything? Learn how to get your child to finally sleep!
Naps shouldn’t be this difficult, I thought.
I knew other kids who could nap in two-hour chunks. My kiddo? I was lucky to get 45 minutes.
The naptime routine of putting him down for a nap was already exhausting on its own. From changing diapers to reading books to singing songs, these rituals seemed so pointless when I knew nap time was barely going to last.
Nap times weren’t the breaks I needed. Instead of putting him down to finally be alone, I spent those few moments on edge, listening for when he’d wake up crying soon after.
At one point, I burst into tears—tired, frustrated, and feeling so defeated from the lack of daytime naps. As if I was doing something wrong, or that something was wrong with him. How could he sleep so well at night, but still resist his daily naps?
What to do when your toddler won’t nap
Perhaps you can relate to this behavior. Nap time in your home involves your toddler taking forever to nap or crying until you get him up. Getting him to even start the nap time routine is a struggle. It doesn’t help when he’s cranky by the early evening, tired from the lack of daytime sleep.
Rest assured, you’re not alone friend. I knew my toddler was still too young to drop naps, so that wasn’t even an option I could consider. But by changing a few ways of dealing with nap time, I learned how to get him to nap more consistently.
These tactics changed how he took naps and even extended the time he slept during the day. They may not be the typical parenting tips about toddlerhood you always hear about, but I hope they can work as well for you, too:
1. Tell—don’t ask—your toddler to take a nap
We set ourselves up for instant refusal when we phrase the necessary as a question: “Do you want to take a nap?” After all, you wouldn’t ask your toddler in the evenings, “Do you want to sleep?” There’s no way she wouldn’t sleep in the evenings, yet we phrase nap times as optional.
Say, “It’s time to take a nap.” You can’t force someone to fall asleep, but you can reserve the next hour for napping, no matter what.
The more consistently you set expectations—and follow through with them—the more willing she can be to go along with them. Naps are simply what happens, no question about it.
Toddler not sleeping? Here’s what to do.
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2. Explain the importance of taking a nap
As I’m sure you’ve realized, kids don’t always like being told what to do. They feel bossed around, losing their “voice” or a say in the matter. So, when we tell them to nap, it’s easy for them to shrug it off and outright refuse to sleep.
That’s why I’m a fan of giving them the reason behind why we’re asking them to do something, especially when they resist.
Tell your toddler the importance of taking a nap to make him likelier to oblige. That naps make him stronger and healthier, or that he gets to rest with his stuffed animals. Add a special incentive, like how taking a nap means he can stay up late to watch fireworks or go to a family party.
By explaining the importance of taking a nap, you’re not “bossing” him around or springing nap time for no good reason.
3. Establish a routine
One of the best ways to make sure nap times aren’t a nightmare is to establish a routine, a consistent way of doing things on a daily basis. That way, your toddler knows what to expect, and can automatically oblige with little resistance, because this is what she’s grown used to.
Routines are two-part. The first is what I call “pillar” routines, or the familiar structure of your day. Do the same activities around the same times so she senses the general “flow” of your day. Keep nap times consistent, while being flexible with what you do before and after.
The second is your nap time ritual, or what you do right before she takes a nap. This might include reading bedtime books, singing songs, giving her a massage, or turning on a night light. Keep this consistent and predictable so she associates them with taking a nap.
Get more tips about creating a toddler schedule.
4. Be flexible with sleep signs
That said, do be aware of your toddler’s sleep signs. After all, we’re human and don’t operate like clockwork. We have days when we’re ready to nap, while others we’re up and wired. The same is true for him.
If you notice him rubbing his eyes, yawning, looking “out of it,” and acting generally tired, put him down sooner than later. Routines help establish predictability and flow, but we also have to be open to irregularities.
Learn 5 reasons your toddler is going through the 1 year old sleep regression.
5. Create a smooth transition
I noticed my toddler resisted naps when I sprung them out of nowhere. He could be in the middle of molding play dough when I’d say it’s time for a nap. He’s still focused on the cool effects of rolling play dough and making circles. Nap time can wait, I’m certain he thought.
For smoother nap transitions, give your toddler a “heads up.” Remind her that she has 10 more minutes to play before it’s time to read books and take a nap.
And during those closing minutes, keep your environment calm. Lower or turn off the music, pull the curtains to dim the room, and finish playtime projects. That way, the transition to nap time doesn’t come so suddenly.
Learn what to do when your toddler wakes up crying from naps.
6. Create a calm sleep environment
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Long gone are the days when we made our newborns sleep in sunlit rooms. That was when they couldn’t differentiate day from night, and they needed to reserve their long stretches of sleep for bedtime.
Now, older kids can enjoy a dark, soothing nap environment:
- Install darkening curtains like these that can block out bright light.
- Turn on a white noise machine to muffle sounds from the rest of the house.
- Remove loud, battery-operated toys from your toddler’s room and place soft, comfort toys instead.
- Avoid screen time when he’s about to take a nap.
- Make sure his bed is comfortable. Do the crib sheets need changing? Are his pillows in a good position (or are they smashed into the crevice between the bed and wall)? I got my kids organic pillows like these to make sure they’re extra comfortable.
- Check the room’s temperature and aim for somewhere between 68 to 72 degrees.
- Avoid using the crib as a “time out” area. He should associate it with rest and calm, not punishment.
7. Don’t end nap time right away
Don’t feel obligated to cut nap time short if your toddler wakes up before the designated time is over. Instead, check that everything is okay, then leave him in his room until the official wakeup time.
He’ll fuss, but explain that nap time isn’t over yet and that he can still try and put himself to sleep. If he continues to cry, check in again 15 minutes later. Pop your head in for 30 seconds at most and explain that you’re right here but that it’s still nap time.
Don’t pick him up just to put him back down (unless you need to do something like a diaper change). Doing so frustrates him even more. Instead, pick him up once the designated time for nap is over.
By not ending nap time when he cries, you’re giving him the chance to fall back asleep and teaching him that nap times aren’t over because he cries.
8. Determine how much sleep your toddler needs
Not all kids sleep the recommended 90-minute nap (90 minutes is a typical sleep cycle). Even my eldest would only nap for 45 minutes. To expect him to stay in his room for another 45 minutes would be unfair since he hardly slept that long.
You’ll know how much sleep your toddler needs if:
- You see a pattern emerge. He may only nap around 45 minutes long on most days. Note how long he typically naps and see if you find a pattern.
- He’s generally happy. If you feel like he isn’t sleeping enough and he’s crabby during the day, then he likely needs to sleep more.
9. Provide alternatives to sleeping
Some kids resist the idea of sleeping, claiming they’re not tired. Given their age, this doesn’t always mean they can skip naps altogether. Instead, implement “quiet time.”
Give your toddler alternatives during this quiet time. This can include playing with stuffed animals, reading, or even quietly singing—all while in bed. He might even fall asleep. And if he doesn’t, he can at least rest in a calm, darkened room (and you could catch a much-needed break).
And remember to keep quiet yourself. While some kids can sleep through traffic horns and sirens, others can wake up at the slightest sound. Save loud chores for when he’s awake. You’ll kick yourself for a short nap because you decided to vacuum or return dishes in the cupboards.
10. Determine if your toddler even needs that nap
No parent wants to forgo that extra nap, but maybe your toddler has hit a milestone and is ready to phase out a nap. Let’s say she’s been napping twice a day but is now resisting that second one.
Try this: note how many days she skips that nap. If she does it five days in a row, drop that afternoon nap and put her down once in the middle of the day. The older kids get, the less time they need to sleep.
Get tips on how to transition to one nap.
11. Don’t beat yourself up
If you’re like me, you’ve given yourself grief and stress because your toddler didn’t nap. When he cried and cried, but nothing you did would make him fall asleep. When parenthood feels like an endless cycle of putting him to sleep with no luck, and life seems to revolve around tantrums and nap times.
It’s amazing how personally we take naps sometimes.
Yet life doesn’t end because of these sleep issues. Weeks, months, and years will continue. At that point, the thought of stressing over naps can seem trivial. You haven’t failed, my friend. You’re still doing fine as a mom, skipped nap or not.
Shrug it off and instead accept that he didn’t nap well. It doesn’t have to make the rest of your day horrible, nor did he do it to make your life worse. It’s simply something that happened, and that won’t matter in the future.
Conclusion
No doubt, staying calm and collected when your toddler won’t nap is a hard ask for even the most patient mom. Thankfully, you can still do plenty to get him to sleep well.
Start by telling him to take a nap instead of phrasing it as a question, explaining the importance of taking a nap in the first place. Establish a daily routine so he knows what to expect while being flexible with sleep signs. Create a calm sleep environment, as well as a smooth transition into nap time.
Don’t feel compelled to end up nap time when he cries, basing it instead on how long you want him to stay asleep. That said, determine how much sleep he even needs. If he doesn’t sleep, provide alternatives during quiet time.
If he seems to be skipping naps consistently, determine if he even needs that nap or if he’s ready to drop to one nap. And don’t beat yourself up over missed or messy naps—you’re still an amazing mom for the very fact that you’re here doing your best.
You can get the break you deserve—no more difficult naps, friend!
p.s. Check out Naptime by Elizabeth Verdick to help him get in the mood to take a nap:
Get more tips:
- How to Get an Overtired Toddler to Sleep
- What to Do When Your Toddler Wakes Up Too Early Crying
- How to Wake Up a Toddler Peacefully from a Nap
- 1 Year Old Nap Schedule: Examples that Actually Work
- What to Do When Your Toddler Wakes Up Screaming Every Morning
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HI Nina
I found your website accidently and read a couple of your articles, I am especially interested in twins as I have non id twin girls, who will be 5 months on the 1st of April.
My problem is that since what seems like forever they ave never napped well during the day, but went down fine in the evening and now sleep through the night, except for one of my twins who wakes up around 3,4 and will need dummy to fall back asleep, but again will do the same thing every hour till 7am when i usually start the day and feed them.
So nap times, they are never longer then 30 mins (down to the minute!) but its clear that it is not enough because as the day goes by, they are getting cranckier and more unhappy, and are clearly OT.
We are on formula only, eat every 4 hs, go to bed by 7pm, up between 6 and 7 am. Nap times are all over the place due to the 30 mins thing so they can be anytime of the day. I just put them down when i see sign of tiredness.
Now for the last couple of days one of the twins has started really kicking off at every nap time, where she gets in a state that i have to pick her up and rock her to sleep before she goes down for another half an hour. Usually they can only sleep with a dummy, so I think we definitely have an addiction there.
I do suspect that part of the problem is that there is not much or even any transition time from playing to having been put in cot to sleep as you mention above, but i find it extremely difficult to manage transition time when they get tired at different times and most of the time they are already OT before i put them in the cot, and it just feels like im spending all day watching their clues and rushing them to sleep, not really enjoying ourselves. Im constantly stressed out because of it, and probably they can feel it too, so at the moment its just a very unhappy household all around 🙁
I have been reading up on the different techniques for sleep training and one of the things that I think i would be more comfortable with is the Pick up/Put down method, but I notoced you are not a fan yourself?
Im just not happy leaving them to cry for any amount of time I dont think, however saying that, I am getting pretty desperate, because this is just ruining our days….
Any advice will be sooo aprecciated!
Thank you in advance!
Hi Biborka,
I’m so sorry you’re going through difficult nap and sleep times. The first thing I’d recommend after reading your comment is to try and get the twins on the same schedule. It seems like you’re gauging their nap times more or less by their sleepy cues, which is much easier to do with a singleton than with twins. Otherwise you’re left scrambling after two separate people with likely different times to sleep, and the cycle never ends.
So try to get them on the same nap schedules and have it at the same times of the day as opposed to reading their cues, at least for most days. For instance, right now my twins go to sleep between 9:30am to 11am, then again from 2pm to 3:30pm. There’s a chance that one twin isn’t as tired as the other, but doing this consistently has helped their bodies adjust to this rhythm so that eventually they naturally get tired around these times of the day.
The other suggestion I would recommend is to let them stay in their cribs a little bit longer if they happen to wake up. I know this is difficult and sometimes not all that feasible because with my eldest, his “long” nap was 45 minutes at most. Still, if it’s 45 minutes or 30 or what have you, leave them in their cribs even if they wake up. Pop your head in to make sure all is okay and to reassure them that you’re still here, but remind them that it’s still nap time and to try to fall back asleep.
And you’re right, I’m not too much of a big fan of picking them up and putting them back down. I feel like this frustrates them even more. It’s like they’re thinking, “Yay back to being rocked! I’ll stop crying now.” then suddenly, “Hey! Why are you putting me back down? I’m going to cry again!” Whereas if you consistently let them fall back asleep on their own using whichever methods they like, then they don’t have to rely on your rocking to fall asleep.
But as always, this is all a preference thing. Many moms can’t stand letting their kids cry, and many moms are totally fine rocking their kids to sleep. Me—I couldn’t stand my kids crying, but I really hated having to rock them to sleep, so I chose to let them sleep on their own.
Another thing: nap times are much trickier than night time sleep, as you seem to have gauged by now. With my eldest, the one who wouldn’t nap very well, he went down fine at nights but nap times were still short. So sometimes it’s just chance that some kids like to nap and others don’t.
Okay one more: You might also want to see if your twins are hungry. I realized this only later, but there’s a possibility that your twins could use a snack or an extra feed closer to their nap time if they’re cranky. Could just be plain old hunger talking there.
To sum, I would suggest creating a schedule for both babies, where you feed, put them to nap, etc. at the same time. And I would suggest not picking them up right away if they happen to wake up earlier than when nap time is supposed to end (and to not pick them up if they happen to do s0).
Aw good luck mama! Let me know if that works. I’d love to hear an update.
Hi Nina
Your posts have done wonders for our family. I used your twin sleep training guide 3 months ago with our twins and we have been getting sleep ever since! My question for you is when do you recommend stopping the morning nap and just having one longer early afternoon one? My one son loves his morning nap and afternoon nap, while my other son often will do well with one and cry the majority of the other one. And also would you recommend awake time for a one year old be 3-4 hours?
Thank you so much for your advice!
Nicole, I’m so glad you’re able to sleep now!
I’ve read that toddlers can drop their second nap anywhere from 14 months to 18 months old (or even more). Usually I would gauge the timing to how well they slept or whether they napped at all. For a while, the twins would sleep in the morning but then not sleep or take forever to sleep in their second nap. When they did that five days in a row, that’s when I knew it was time to drop that second nap.
It does suck when it’s only one twin who is ready and the other still wants to nap. My twins were mostly on the same page. In your case, I would try to go for a long afternoon nap that’s early enough for the sleeping twin to not feel overtired.
My almost two-year-old twins are awake a long time, now that they’re napping only once a day. They’re awake at 7am and don’t nap til 12pm-2pm. When they were still taking two naps, then this was shorter. For instance, they’d wake up at 7am then go to sleep around 10 or 10:30, so that would be about 3 hours.
Hi,
My almost 18 month old is dropping his 2nd nap. Is it better to transition to the one nap or just push the nap time to 12? He wakes at 7am and goes to bed around 630pm sometimes 730. At this point he is sleeping through the night but is fighting the second nap and takes almost his whole nap time to fall asleep.What is your advice?
Hi Aleigha! Check out an article on the blog where I share how to make that transition from two naps to one: https://sleepingshouldbeeasy.com/2016/12/09/transitioning-from-two-naps-to-one/ There are different ways you can play around with it, but yes I agree that he seems to be ready to drop that second nap! xo, Nina
This is exactly how nap times had been going in our family until last week when my daughter started to refuse to take a nap. She usually takes a nap around 2 p.m. Now she skips it and at around 6 p.m. she’s hysterical. She won’t have dinner and it’s impossible to bathe her. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.
I would try putting her to nap earlier than 2pm, in case she’s already overtired by that point.
If that doesn’t seem to work, and if she’s on the older side, maybe she’s ready to drop the nap completely, at which point, you can fiddle with bedtime (bumping it up earlier) so that she gets to sleep earlier. Over time, she’ll be able to lengthen her awake time and adjust so she won’t be so cranky, but it does take some time for her to adjust.
Having a similar issues my 2.5 yr old is suddenly refusing to nap yet come bedtime he’s overtired taking ages to sleep and then waking during the night im so stuck with what to do he clearly still needs that sleep during the day 🙁
Hi Alex! I totally know what you mean about how naps gone wrong can so affect nighttime sleep. Definitely take a look at this article on the blog, as I think it can help: https://sleepingshouldbeeasy.com/2018/10/01/toddler-suddenly-wont-sleep/
I would try adjusting his nap to see if you can push it back later for when he is tired (in case he’s not tired enough during your normal nap time). Also, if he skips the nap, go ahead and move bedtime up to accommodate his need for sleep until he can better adjust.