Are you struggling with twins and feeling isolated and alone? Learn why it can be hard raising twins, how to cope, and the encouragement you need to hang in there.
If you’re like my husband, you were ecstatic to hear that you were expecting twins. Double the love, right? But if you’re like me, raising twins wasn’t exactly your plan.
You recognized early on that raising twins meant double the sleep deprivation. That you can’t carry a crying baby from your stroller and keep pushing it along so the other can keep sleeping. Maybe you’re juggling between putting one baby to sleep in the swing while holding the other in a baby wrap.
You may have even found yourself jealous of other parents who only have one child. And if you have an older child, you feel ridiculous for ever having thought that one baby was hard.
Sometimes you’ll meet other twin moms who can’t seem to get enough of their double blessing. This just makes you feel worse when you don’t exactly share the same sentiment.
You feel guilty when other couples struggle to conceive even one baby, or when you hear about children who aren’t in the best of health.
“Shouldn’t I be grateful for my healthy babies?” you might ask.
When you’re struggling with twins
Yes, you should. But it’s also okay to admit that you’re struggling with twins.
Because raising two babies is harder than raising one. You won’t always love each moment, and that’s okay. You might only have a few positive moments compared to the demands of caring for newborn twins.
You’re faced with situations most people don’t deal with (“How do I feed two babies at the same time?” or “What do I do when I’m putting one baby to sleep while the other is crying?”). Learning how to cope with twins alone or even with another adult is a challenge for any mom.
And so I say to parents struggling with twins: You are not alone.
Not everyone loves raising twins right from the start. You might not know exactly what to do, but that doesn’t make you a bad mom or that you love your kids any less. It’s just hard work, and it’s okay to have bad parenting days.
So, what can you do when you’re in the middle of struggling with twins?
1. Think about how much stronger you are
On your worst days, think about how much stronger you are—how far you’ve come, and all you’ve gone through. You’ll surprise yourself with what you can do, from taking care of the twins alone to getting them on the same schedule.
It’s not easy doing everything twice, from changing diapers to loading them in the car seats. Or dividing your attention between two babies, especially when you’re on solo duty. And it’s not easy taking twins out, for something as simple as a stroll around the block or an errand out of the house.
But each time you go through that one hardship, you add another “That was hard, but I got through it!” moment in your back pocket. The more you get through, the stronger you become and the easier it gets.
Free resource: Are you struggling with getting your twins to sleep through the night? My guide, How to Sleep Train Twins can help! Join my newsletter and download a preview chapter below—at no cost to you:
2. Caring for twins gets easier with time
With age comes the independence that will free you up bit by bit. You won’t always nurse or prepare bottles, and toddlers will sit up unassisted in the bath. At some point, you can leave the two of them playing on their own while you cook in the kitchen nearby.
Compared to the crazy first few months, taking care of twins gets much easier down the line. And while more challenges are bound to happen more with age (tantrums, anyone?), older kids are simply more independent and less reliant on you.
And as a mom to seven-year-old twins, I can say with certainty that those first few weeks and months will absolutely get better.
3. Accept the season you’re in
Perhaps the best thing to do is accept the season you’re in. I found myself feeling more stressed when I wanted to rush to the next stage, when I’d hope life would be easier. But all that hoping and rushing only led me to feel resentful of my current situation.
Instead, learn to let it go and accept that yes, it’s hard… for now. These challenges are temporary, and life won’t always be like this.
So yes, it’s okay that the dishes are piled in the sink, and revolving your day around four naps is a temporary hassle. You’re not making a miserable moment perfect, but accepting your circumstances as temporary.
Somehow, we all get through the challenges of raising twins. Despite the daunting task ahead of us, we come out of it intact and often, better than before.
It starts with thinking how much stronger you are—how much more you can do that you might not be giving yourself credit for. Remember that caring for twins gets much easier with time, especially as they grow more independent.
And finally, remind yourself that this is the season you’re in. It’s not about rushing through your days so life feels normal again, but accepting that these hardships are temporary.
No matter what, you are not alone, twin mama. And that yes, be grateful for your double blessing, but know that you’re not a bad mom when you find yourself struggling with twins.
Get more tips:
- How to Avoid Excluding Your Non-Twin Child
- Raising Twins after a Singleton
- Secrets to Surviving Twins in the Newborn Months
- You Know You’re a Twin Mom When…
- How to Be Out with Twins Alone (And Actually Survive!)
Don’t forget: Join my newsletter and download a preview chapter of How to Sleep Train Twins below—at no cost to you: