Picky eating is common among many dinner tables. Learn how to get rid of picky eating and help your child eat a variety of food.
Food thrown on the floor. A mouth clamped shut. Plates pushed away at the dinner table. These are the scenes of a typical picky eater, one who has his repertoire of favorite foods and refuses to try others. But then you hear of other kids who eat calamari and kale, rice and rhubarb. Heck, you just want your kid to eat a mango. This is picky eating at its finest.
So how do they do it? How do parents raise kids willing to try and enjoy everything?
First, two points:
- Some kids have food or texture sensitivity. I’ve spoken with a few parents whose kids have a diagnosed condition where they can’t eat much beyond a select menu. Check with your doctor if you suspect your child might have picky eating because of that.
- Second, all kids are different. One child will eat anything and another will only eat grilled cheese sandwiches. Sometimes food exploration is part of our temperament. Those kids aren’t destined to eating sandwiches all their lives, but we should understand this about them and offer food at a different pace than perhaps another child more willing to try anything.
How to get rid of picky eating
My eldest doesn’t seem to have a problem with trying different food for the rest of his life, but my twins, at one-year-old, are a bit harder to convince.
They’ve rejected food in one way or another. Just this past week they wanted no part in half the meals I offered. And so I plunge on, doing whatever I can to keep them from picky eating. Here’s what seems to work:
1. Cook good food
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If you’ve ever tried eating plain chicken breast, even ketchup won’t do anything to flavor it. Sometimes kids don’t take to our food because maybe it’s just not good.
You’ll have your one-off meals, of course, but if your child refuses food all the time, look at what you’re offering. You might need to switch up the recipes and meals you’ve been cooking. Consider finding simple recipes from a trusted cookbook or website.
Or maybe your child got used to convenience foods and refuses anything else. Filled with tastes-good-now-but-bad-for-you-later ingredients, these convenience foods make your kids addicted to them.
Find good ingredients, too. Have you compared a tomato or an egg from the grocery store to the ones from the farmers market? You’ll notice the latter is much richer in color and tastier too. Good ingredients leads to delicious food.
Prepare simple, home-cooked meals for your kids, and a variety of them as well. This mindset creates an expectation and a culture of eating good food that’s harder to turn down.
And start with child-friendly options to make the transition easier. Let’s say all your child eats is pasta. Don’t start with eggplant soup—introduce spaghetti sauce on her pasta instead.
2. Offer food multiple times
If I had given up that first time, my 15-month-old wouldn’t be eating cherries right now. You see, I had offered him the fruit several weeks ago, and to my surprise, he spat each one out of his mouth.
Who doesn’t like cherries?! I thought.
That dinner, I kept the cherries in front of him and available in case he wanted to try them. No luck.
I could have stopped then, but I didn’t. The next time I got a hold of a basket of cherries, I offered it to him again, this time sliced smaller. He took a few bites (still a few more than the first time) but still, he wasn’t all too enthusiastic.
I still didn’t let that stop me. Every time we had cherries, I offered it to him, and eventually the flavor caught up to him. He started finishing his bowl of cherries, and before long, he liked it. Cherries—once too strange to swallow—is now part of his regular menu.
I’ve heard that we can acclimate to any flavor or texture… when we’ve tried it at least eight times. Imagine how many types of food kids miss out on because we stopped offering it that first or even seventh time.
Keep offering your child food he has rejected before. He just might need a few tries before he enjoys it.
3. Sneak food in
“Psh,” I scoffed, when I first heard about Jessica Seinfeld’s book, Deceptively Delicious. The concept—incorporating “good food” vegetables into kid-friendly meals—seemed like a farce. “I want my kid to see a carrot… and like it.”
That was all well and fine until my then-toddler began refusing meals. He wanted the same things over and over and wasn’t giving us much opportunity to vary our meals.
In stepped Jessica Seinfeld. After a few meals of incorporating vegetables back into his palate, we were back on track.
I’m not so snobby about sneaking food anymore. Heck, I’m willing to try anything. I’ve mixed and matched my kids’ food between the ones they love and the ones they’re hesitant about.
4. Negotiate
What happens if your kid doesn’t even want to touch the food? See if he’ll take at least five bites before you offer another choice (that meets your standards).
One morning I offered my kids croque monsieur for breakfast, and none of them took to it much. I asked my eldest if he’d take a few bites, and he did. Then he ate his banana instead and left the sandwich more or less untouched.
The next morning, I offered his leftovers again, to see if he’ll take to it this time. No luck. At that point, I picked my battles and gave him a bowl of oatmeal, a meal I had no problem with him eating instead. At least he had given it a try.
You and I, we’re not always hungry when it’s time to eat. The same applies to your kids. We don’t like food everyone loves (my husband could care less for papaya, and I’m not one for eggplant. Meanwhile, I love papaya and he, eggplant), yet we feel disappointed when our kids don’t eat what we prepare.
And give a reason why your child should try the new food. Kids (and adults) respond well to reason, since they feel like they’re “in on the know.” You can say, “Try this salad so you can get strong and healthy.”
5. You decide what they will eat…
…and they can decide whether to eat it and how much.
Don’t want your kids to keep eating grilled cheese sandwiches every day? Stop making it. Offer them instead the choices you’re okay with.
On the flip side, agree to their choice of whether to eat it and how much. We can’t control when or how much they’re willing to eat, but we can decide what to offer them.
When preparing dinner, don’t always ask them what they want to eat—assume the role of chef and choose your own menu. It’s fun to involve them in planning the menu, but you decide what makes the cut or not. That way, they’re not disappointed when donuts and pizza didn’t make it to the list all the time.
Instead of asking what they want every night (an unfair task for them anyway), plan the meals yourself.
And try not to be a short-order cook: Everyone should eat the same food as much as possible. If you prepared salmon salad, you and the kids should all eat the same meal—don’t make the kids a separate meal of chicken strips.
You’ll negotiate and pick your battles (impromptu PB&J’s are worth avoiding arguments sometimes), but your kids will see that everyone eats the same food. They’ll be more likely to try it than if you have that alternative, kid-friendly meal at the ready.
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6. Make mealtimes a positive experience
I’m a fan of the family dinner. Heck, my husband and I take any chance we can get to eat together for any meal. We’re planted around the table for weekend breakfasts and nightly evenings for dinners.
We have a good time with one another around the table, and I believe this has contributed so much to avoiding even more picky eating.
Establish a good routine where you eat at the same time at the same place every day. For us, breakfast is at 7am, lunch at 11am and dinner at 5pm, and always at the dining table (except for eating outdoors on our patio or at restaurants and outings).
It’s important to avoid confrontation when it comes to food. Kids will pick up when we’re defensive, frustrated and at our wit’s end. Make food a non-issue, and you’ll have more luck getting your child to agree than if you force the issue.
7. Cook with your kids
My eldest ate the pizza he made with fervor and pride. After all, he stretched the dough, sprinkled the cheese and spread the sauce all by himself.
The more investment kids have in the preparation, the likelier they’ll give the meal a chance. They know the process that went into preparing the meal and want to relish the fruits of their hard work.
8. Model good behavior
- How do you react when you taste food you don’t like? If you talk about how “disgusting” this food is, you’re passing the same manners to your kids. Avoid picky eating by giving all food a fair chance.
- Model how to reject food you don’t like. Say you’re not too fond of it, but you’ll give it a try. Discuss why you don’t like it—the texture, the taste, the smell.
- Eat a variety of healthy food yourself. Your child will follow suit when they see you just as willing and bound to the food served at the table as she is.
- Have a healthy relationship with food. Don’t mention food in a bad way, especially if you’re dieting. Food shouldn’t be a punishment nor a reward for deeds and misdeeds for yourself or your kids.
The more you model healthy food habits, the likelier your kids will feel more eager about eating.
Edit: SSBE reader Rvan made several awesome suggestions as well, such as:
9. Bridge the gap between accepted and rejected food
Note which foods your child likes, and to cook food like it. For instance, if he likes chicken nuggets, offer breaded chicken strips and breaded zucchini. Build on it until you can introduce breaded fish and breaded chicken. Then finally offer grilled chicken.
Make one small change to build acceptance toward new foods. Look for similar foods to what is already accepted that differs in just one way: color, flavor, shape, texture, or the way food is presented.
10. Introduce food through experiences
Rather than offering the typical fare on your dining table, try new food experiences. Things like fondue, having a picnic, or cooking over a pit fire. Your child will be more focused on the experience and will be more willing to try new food.
Thanks Rvan for the suggestions!
And finally, check out the book How to Feed Your Parents by Ryan Miller, a fun book where little Matilda tries to convince her parents to eat more than chicken nuggets and grilled cheese sandwiches:
Get more tips:
- As Frustrating As It Is, Your Child’s Behavior Is Normal
- How to Enjoy a Restaurant Meal with Kids — Even without Screens or Snacks
- How to Get Kids to Eat Vegetables
- How to Raise Kids Who Want to Eat Healthy
Your turn: How do you deal with picky eating? What was the best strategy you used to get over picky eating? Share your ideas in the comments below!
If only my mother-in-law would have read this 30 years ago when my husband was born! He’s king picky eater. It’s so annoying and I fear Dylan will follow suit if I don’t make a serious effort to model great eating, which actually requires no effort because I’m basically a garbage disposal for healthy, non-processed foods.
Hopefully Dylan takes after your eating too Rebecca! Modeling is definitely huge. If you’re cooking healthy food, you’re more likely to feed him the same food.
I LOVE that you noted the food sensitivity issue! These are all excellent tips.
Thanks MaryAnne 🙂 Yeah you never want to rule out actual sensitivity or taste issues, especially if it seems chronic or extreme.
I’m laughing because I don’t like cherries! Weird, right?
Recently we got fresh ones just picked. My kids LOVED them. They didn’t love the red-dyed crappy jarred ones. They know!
We’ve been on a battle with good eating with Scarlet and she had her five year checkup today and listening to it, I was so happy at how many vegetables and meats she’s tried since last checkup. Progress!
Now as for Des, he eats anything. Kale, sausage, chicken, green beans, whatever.
Isn’t that so weird too Tamara, that same parents, but two kids with completely separate preferences. When I had the twins I was bracing myself to possibly have picky eaters, only because my eldest was so darn good with food. So far I’ve been spared lol.
You can consider our family solidly in the second camp of kids: our first will eat most foods, but the youngest is only interested in dishes that are made with pasta. (Strangely, though, both of them reject zucchini and anything made with potatoes) We’ve employed a lot of the tips above in getting both kids to broaden their palate…we eat dinner as a family most nights; the 2 year old gets veggies with her lunch every day, whether or not she eats them; I’ve been known to make mac n cheese with sweet potato and cauliflower; and then there are the times that are filled with a lot of cajoling and bribing with lots of praise for trying something new.
Something else that has occasionally work for us is to have the older sibling (who loves veggies) demonstrate for the little one (who doesn’t) how tasty the food is and make an exaggerated show of eating all of it up. Kids are always more willing to imitate other kids (especially if they idolize the other kids the way our little one idolizes her big sister).
Oh yeah, great tip to add Leslie! Now that I think about it, I think I do something similar where if my older kid is eating the food I want the others to eat, I’ll say out loud, “Wow, looks like you LOVE that chicken and rice!” and hope that the others pick up on it.
It’s all about peer pressure lol.
I incorporate a lot of these tips with my toddler. I am continuing to offer him foods that he’s rejected in the past, and am trying not to let it bother me that most of the time it ends up in the trash. One of these days it will make its way to his belly! I also refuse to let mealtimes become a battle. Our pediatrician told us exactly what you said here: We decide what and when he eats, and he decides if and how much.
I have to keep reminding myself that too, Katie: It’s okay if the food ends up untouched. It’s so hard when you prepare all this food, or spend friggin $14/lb on scallops that are hardly enjoyed :/ lol
I find that my kids are way more likely to try new foods when they were involved in not only the process of making them, like you said, but in growing them too. We have tomatoes, peppers, lettuce, string beans, and squash in our garden this year. Both girls helped plant and water the vegetables. They love checking to see if tomatoes are ready or how much bigger the squash have grown overnight.
Random sort-of related story you might find entertaining.
I have a friend whose brother and sister-in-law have allowed picky eating to the max. Their kids (ages 8 and 6) eat hot dogs for at least one meal a day everyday, sometimes for lunch and dinner both. They were at a family birthday party for my friend’s daughter and everyone made and topped their own homemade pizzas for dinner that night. The kids wouldn’t do it. They don’t eat pizza. They eat hot dogs. So their mom went to the cooler in the car, brought out a package of hot dogs, cooked them while the rest of the family ate pizza, and when they were done she cut off both ends of every single hot dog – because the kids refuse to eat the ends since they “look different.”
My friend told me this story and I about lost it. People are straight up CRAZY!
WOW! Vanessa that’s insane. Now you know that’s totally just picky eating habits right there. Hopefully the mom will learn her enabling habits and stop soon!
I know some kids who will only eat cheese, alphabet soup and plain rice. No pizza or ice cream or other junk you’d think other kids would like. And of course not healthy or normal food even like chicken. Makes me wonder what these kids’ nutrition is like. Kids can look fine on the outside but I’m thinking something’s gotta be missing nutrition-wise!
My oldest was an excellent eater as a baby, as well as my second baby. But you’re right, around 2 years, they start not liking everything we give to them. Luckily, my older kid doesn’t stick to just one food group. I like your tip #1 about making good food because certainly my kid loves tasty restaurant food, and I have to step-up. And when a meal is a winner, he actually says, “Mommy. I like your food.” Just about the best compliment ever :). I was pretty adamant about not being a short-order cook and so far, so good! I just hope that we can continue family dinners as the kids get older and have more afterschool activities. You’re right, it’s important and definitely instills healthy eating as opposed to grab-and-go food.
That’s actually a big concern of mine Lisa re: after school activities, and one of the reasons I’m in no rush to start extra curricular activities. Maybe when they’re in middle school! lol Dinners are so important to me, and the general calm before bedtime.
Well, I wouldn’t call it calm since I barely sit down between walking through the door and getting dinner on the table 😉
Oh SIGH. My first son eats EV-ER-Y-THING (but usually doesn’t want to eat pizza). He’ll tell you that sushi is his favorite food. My second? He only eats toast (without too much crust), fries (without skins), pouches, bananas/strawberries/raisins (depending on the day) and yogurt. And falafel. Go figure.
I do everything with my second son that I did with my first, but he just. isn’t. into it. It’s so frustrating! He’s growing, though, so I remind myself that he’s doing OK and that’s what matters. It stresses me out, though!
I was worried about that when I had the twins too. My eldest ate everything (sushi too!) so I thought, “Well I’m screwed. I can’t get lucky three times). So far so good though *knock on wood*
As a mom of a an ARFID child, you included many of the strategies we were taught in dealing with picky eating. Bravo!! Bridging the gap between food that had been accepted and food that is rejected is another strategy. (see Food Chaining by Cheri Fraker) Ex., if a child will eat chicken nuggets then try breaded chicken strips, breaded zucchini, breaded fish, breaded chicken breast gradually moving in small steps to grilled chicken. Make one small change building acceptance with food while moving towards new foods. Look for similar foods to what is already accepted that differs in just one way: color, flavor, shape, texture, way food is presented, etc. Food experiences are another strategy: fondue, cooking on a stick over an open fire, hobo stew, picnic, raclette, etc.
Thank you, and your tips are awesome as well. So good I think I’ll edit the post to include your suggestions! Thanks so much for commenting! ~Nina