Updated 2019: For many pregnant moms, welcoming a baby can be a difficult challenge to get through. Here’s how to stay positive during pregnancy and times are tough.
I know I’m not alone when I say your pregnancy can get tough. For you, it might be caring for your toddler when you can barely walk, thinking of financial bills to come, or coping with health issues. And when it rains, it pours—bad luck seems to invite even more bad luck.
I hardly have bad luck in life, but it seems to have barged right through the door as I near the end of my twin pregnancy.
You see, I endured several discomforts throughout the pregnancy, like being sick five times, to double the fatigue and nausea, and even struggling to gain enough weight to ensure these babies are a healthy size.
Now, however, I’m faced with more challenging complications.
Besides coming down with a PUPPPs rash, I now also have cholestasis, yet another itch-related pregnancy complication. (Why I have two itch-related complications that have nothing to do with each other is beyond me.) But unlike PUPPPs, cholestasis poses a risk to the babies, which means I have to visit the doctor three times a week to monitor their health. It also means I deliver no later than 37 weeks.
From physical complications I never imagined, to worrying about how I’m going to afford all this, I’m having to learn how to stay positive during pregnancy.
How to stay positive during pregnancy
It’s been a whirlwind of madness in our home, to say the least. I have a three-year-old to care for and a husband battling bronchitis. I’ve been ready to give up so many times and wallow in self-pity, but remind myself that these babies rely on me to stay positive.
As much as I wrote this article to help you, I also wrote it for myself, as a reminder to stay positive during pregnancy, especially when things aren’t going exactly smooth:
1. Focus on the positive
One of the best ways to ease worries and anxiety is to think about something else, even for a short while. We are where our attention is, so the more we focus and dwell on our problems, the more we seem to invite them. Beside, no one ever felt good staying stuck in negative emotions, obsessing over every detail.
For me, distractions might mean watching a funny show or playing games on my iPhone. (Yes that’s me playing Scramble with Friends and Draw Something at 3am.) I’ll hang out with my three-year-old and talk to my husband and mom about topics other than the difficult pregnancy.
Find even the smallest positive thing to be grateful. And I mean small—it could be the beautiful clouds in the sky or that you were able to get a morning appointment with the doctor. These positive parts of your life are there, often in abundance, if we pay attention to them.
In my case, I’m fortunate that the babies remain healthy despite the complications, and that I’m in competent hands with my doctors. My son still loves to kiss my belly, and heck, I even have a disabled parking placard so that I don’t have to walk too far.
2. Have a good cry or vent
At the same time, maybe you just need to get your emotions out of your system. While you don’t want to stay miserable too long, it’s also not healthy to bottle up your feelings.
Accept the emotions you feel, whether it’s the guilt of not being grateful that you’re even having a baby, or the worries of how you’ll manage once she’s born.
I find solace in online mommy groups dealing with similar complications so I know I’m not alone. I also email my friends the latest updates for their support.
Read more about what to do when you feel unhappy with parenthood.
3. Tell yourself these challenges are temporary
Is this permanent? Of course not. Change is constant, which means everything in life—both the highs and lows—come and go.
This frustrating stage in your life is temporary, even if it may not seem like it. Pregnancy itself has a deadline, down to the date. While the ensuing newborn days will be crazy, you don’t have long to wait before these complications are over.
And if you’re worried about parenthood in general—in other words, what comes after the pregnancy—know that even that stage is temporary. Yes, you’ll be sleep-deprived and your routine will be disrupted, but the newborn season also ebbs and flows and is never permanent.
4. It’s all for good reason
I’ve always felt that our experiences in life help mold us into the people we need to be. For instance, bad relationships in the past can teach us about what we want in a partner, and poor decisions help us grow into more mature adults.
Look for the lessons to be learned in this particular season in your life. What can this difficult pregnancy teach you, what lessons do you still need to learn? How can you grow as a human being to overcome these challenges? And what opportunities are available that never would had you not been right here, right now?
Even the annoyances and hassles serve their purpose. However much of a nuisance frequent medical tests may be, they’ve ensured my health and those of the babies. I’m reminded that the sacrifices are worth the trouble when I eventually hold two baby boys in my arms.
In other words, remember your “why” to help you plow through even the toughest days.
Conclusion
Last night I cried from the discomforts of carrying twins and having these complications. It isn’t easy and was nothing like my singleton pregnancy. I was just about to be the biggest cry baby and mope for the next few weeks.
But then you wake up the next day and realize that there’s still goodness. We can focus on the positive things in our life that can be so easily obscured by our obsession with the negative. We can release our emotions and come to a healthy place of acceptance, whatever the feelings might be.
These challenges are also temporary, so that no matter how difficult, scary, or frustrating it is, your pregnancy will soon be over. And that we can find the good in all of this, from realizing how far we’ve come, to remembering our “why.”
Because at the end of the day, I have an amazing family—plus two little ones on the way—worth holding on for.
Get more tips:
- What Every Mom Needs to Know About Her Second Pregnancy
- How to Survive a Pregnancy with a Toddler
- 8 Tips to Save for Maternity Leave
- 9 Signs You’re in the First Trimester
- What Are the Signs to Stop Working During Pregnancy?
Not sure what you need to do during your pregnancy? Join my newsletter and download your printable checklist below—at no cost to you:
Amy says
February 22, 2013 at 10:43 amSorry about all the itching and worrying! You are almost there. Great list of coping mechanisms. I like a little retail therapy myself, particularly online shopping (just prop the iPad on the belly) and looking for that perfect pillow for the couch, or something cute for the nursery, or pretty new lip gloss, or EBay for nostalgia toys I had as a kid. Great distraction.
Nina says
February 23, 2013 at 9:40 amGood idea, Amy, especially considering that I probably look and feel like a whale right now. A spotted, rashy whale lol. But accessories and house items… that’s doable 🙂
Molly says
February 22, 2013 at 11:00 amI had that horrible itchy PUPPS rash with my son and it is miserable. If you can endure the smell they make this pine tar soap. I was so desperate I tried it and for whatever reason it helps. I ordered mine from Amazon because we lived in the middle of nowhere NM at the time but its sold in most health food or natural food stores.
Nina says
February 23, 2013 at 9:42 amHi Molly, I actually did give pine tar soap a try. I’m not sure if it worked or not since I was trying just about anything. What seemed to temper my PUPPPs rash ended up being a prescription ointment that the dermatologist prescribed. It was an anti-inflammatory ointment so it helped to dry out the rash. They’re brown now though, but hopefully will fade soon.
Sorry you had to go through PUPPPs too! It really is miserable and it almost seems silly telling people you have a rash since it sounds so benign, but I think those of us who’ve had it can attest that it is terrible!
JallieDaddy says
February 22, 2013 at 3:41 pmSounds like you’re a having a rough time of it alright! You’re strong, you’ll get through it I;m sure 🙂
Nina says
February 23, 2013 at 9:43 amThanks so much, JallieDaddy! You know how it goes with twins. It’s always gotta be harder!
Karen says
February 23, 2013 at 6:16 amNina, I am so sorry! Your list is great and can be applied to many different life trials. Thanks for sharing it even when you are still in the thick of things yourself. May these last weeks pass quickly for you. I had unbearable itching when at the end of pregnancy with Eli. It wasn’t cholestasis but they did start doing twice weekly non-stress tests. At night I had to soak my hands, feet and legs in ice cold water about hourly to get any relief and be able to sleep just a bit more. I remember well the frustration and wouldn’t wish it on anybody…and mine was just the single itching malady. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Nina says
February 23, 2013 at 9:47 amThanks Karen, sorry that you can relate, what with the non-stress tests and soaking in ice water. There should be a list somewhere of all the comical, outrageous things we pregnant moms do to ease discomforts. For instance, last night I was itching so bad I ended up having to use a bristle brush to scratch it away lol. I’ve also lathered myself in aloe leaves and soaked myself in a stew of guava leaves!
Kerry says
February 23, 2013 at 7:59 amOh, girl… I am so sorry for the pain and discomfort. I’m glad you’re letting us know – sometimes talking it all out is great therapy for at least some temporary stress relief. We’ll be prayin’ for ya. And for those babies to stay healthy, strong, and growing lots. The itchiness is a pain. I’ve had many friends have similar conditions with their pregnancies. It’s a bummer. But you’ll make it!! Not much longer! And your outlook is great. Now, just believe it! Keep us posted : )
Nina says
February 23, 2013 at 9:51 amThanks, Kerry. I totally agree that even talking about it calms me down and gives me perspective. Even if all I do is give a rundown of the latest medicines I have to take or the results of the lab tests, somehow those put my mind at ease. And now that it really is coming down to a close, it’s not as difficult to hang in for a bit longer, especially since every day counts to put some pounds on these babies. Thanks for the cheering up, I appreciate it 🙂
Steph says
February 23, 2013 at 8:39 amI’m so sorry you’re going through so much! You’ll be in my prayers as you try to juggle everything without going crazy. If I’m remembering correctly you have family nearby? I hope you’re accepting lots of help during this difficult time. I wish I could watch your three year old for you or bring you over a meal.
Nina says
February 23, 2013 at 9:53 amAw Steph you are sweet. Yeah, I do have family over and my mom has been a godsend for coming over during the week so that I’m not alone to take care of me and my kiddo. Weekends are easier since my husband is home all day anyway. Thanks for the support; I truly appreciate it 🙂
Ana says
February 23, 2013 at 8:43 amThank you for sharing, Nina! I hope you begin to feel better from all this. How far along are you now?
For me, going back to school and raising a family was definitely a struggle at first. But, I learned to cope and manage it by using time management skills and prioritizing my duties as a mother and wife first. Thankfully, our routines and schedules have been going by smoothly without any problems. I was recently diagnosed with chronic anxiety which put a big burden on me and my family. (It’s actually the first time I am coming out saying it publicly). It’s hard to cope with it at times but I have been coping with it the natural way. (no anxiety meds). I meditate, drink tea, do breathing techniques. It all has become a part of my new routine now. I feel that sometimes we let the little things get to us and not realize that there are better and bigger things for us in the end.
Great post like always, xoxo.
Nina says
February 23, 2013 at 9:57 amAw Ana sorry to hear about the diagnosis. I can imagine it’s overwhelming what with going to school and raising a little one at the same time. That’s great you’re coping so far. You know what has worked for me when I used to worry a lot? I bought a “worry journal” and write down a few things:
1. What I was worried about
2. What I imagined was the worst, realistic thing that can happen
3. What I plan to do to ease the worry
4. And finally, what ended up happening
When I did that for a few weeks or months, I realized that a lot of what I worried about seemed a whole lot worse than what actually happened. And imagining the worst gave me perspective that even though it feels like the worry is so tremendous, maybe the worst-case scenario can still be manageable. And having a plan of what to do to deal with this worry gave me something to act on rather than something to just mull about in the back of my mind.
Hopefully that helps, and yes, meditating and having quiet time are huge anxiety busters!
Sass says
February 25, 2013 at 6:27 amOh Nina! I really feel for you! I really do!! I’ve forgotten all about my PUPPS until it was mentioned here so I guess you can look forward to not even thinking about it when you aren’t pregnant anymore.
I was pretty stressed first time around but having twins is a completely different story! Have you had time to yourself? I enjoyed having pregnancy massages during my last few weeks and I got to get it free at a student training spa which offered free massages to pregnant ladies. They had all the right rooms (relaxing candlelights etc) so it was so relaxing and you didn’t even know they were students. Maybe there is something like this in you area?
I also did pregnancy yoga and it was good just to have that time for myself. I found it really relaxing and calming and it helped with my worry and fear.
Nina says
February 25, 2013 at 9:38 amGood to know that the PUPPPs was all but forgotten once pregnancy was over! Thankfully it’s getting more and more under control, and I actually got to sleep in 3-hour chunks last night lol. It’s still intense but not as bad as that initial first few weeks. And I so wish I had made time to get a massage, especially when I was smaller. I lay on my side most of the day and don’t drive so I doubt I can do that now. But maybe post-partum…? 🙂
Betsy at Parenting is Funny says
February 25, 2013 at 10:21 amIf anyone can handle all these complications, it’s you! And you’re being a martyr, going through it as a good example for the rest of us!
Nina says
February 25, 2013 at 1:05 pmThanks Betsy 🙂
Molly says
February 25, 2013 at 10:42 amNina, you are so right! I felt kind of silly complaining about PUPPS too because when you explain it’s an itchy rash I’m sure many people think, “So? How bad can it be?!” But if beyond being just annoying and frustratingly uncomfortable it itches so bad and then sort of feels like your skin is crawling with ants on fire! And of course your already exhausted, pregnant self becomes even more tired because of the itching! I had gestational diabetes too so at the point I really thought I would snap. But for the grace of God I didn’t get put on bed rest because that probably would have nixed my sanity. I think you are incredibly brave and strong for hanging in there with a multiples pregnancy on top of a toddler. You are a trooper and just keep telling yourself that if you can survive this you will survive ANYTHING!
Nina says
February 25, 2013 at 1:09 pmThanks so much for the encouragement, Molly; I needed it! PUPPPs and cholestasis rashes are definitely a category of their own that I’ve never experienced, and I’ve had itchy rashes before too. At least with cholestasis there are medicines to take; with PUPPPs, since it’s not dangerous, there isn’t much research or medicine to temper the itch. I think the worst part is hearing that you’re bound to have it until delivery. I think mine is thankfully starting to die down thanks to the meds; I actually got to sleep more than 2 hours last night! lol.
Joy says
February 27, 2013 at 2:19 pmSorry to hear about all the itching and worrying Nina! But I’m glad you’re trying to find ways to stay positive. Just remember that it could be worse. Stay strong!
Nina says
February 27, 2013 at 8:58 pmThanks Joy! I’m chugging along day by day, and while some things get harder (like walking around big as a whale) other things are actually improving, like my PUPPPs rash fading away.