6 Signs Your Child Is Not Ready for Potty Training

Wondering if you’re potty training too early or if you should quit and take a break? Learn 6 signs your child is not ready for potty training.

Somehow, potty training has not gone as easily as you had hoped.

Despite your best efforts to introduce the potty and acknowledge your child’s signs of readiness and development, she isn’t having any of it. You’re wondering how many potty training accidents are normal, especially when she couldn’t care less about soiling herself.

How do you know if yours is ready for potty training, or whether this is a power struggle between you two?

If you’ve struggled with potty training or considered whether to quit or take a break, this list is for you.

Below, I share 6 signs your child may not ready for potty training. If you can spot these signs in your home, especially many of them, it might be worth taking a step back or changing your approach.

Because at the end of the day, potty training should feel easy. Yup, easy. If it doesn’t seem to “click,” then it’s likely harder than it has to be. Take a look at these signs that maybe she’s not ready quite yet:

Table of Contents

1. Your child doesn’t mind dirty diapers

Babies and young toddlers seem completely unfazed with their diapers, whether they’re dry or loaded. Sure, babies might cry from a dirty diaper, but more likely from a rash than their way of saying they’ve peed. And toddlers seem more eager to move and play than be bothered about a full diaper.

At some point though, they become more aware of their diapers, especially when it’s soiled. They might pull on it, try to yank it off, or even tell you that it’s uncomfortable. But without this awareness, your child won’t have the motivation to use the potty.

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2. Your child is wet all the time

One milestone your child needs to master is the ability to be aware of and control his bowel movements. When you and I have to use the bathroom, we can hold our bladders for a little while before we reach one. We also tend to go at predictable times or after certain circumstances.

But a child without bladder control might be wet or soiled all the time. He’s inconsistent with peeing and pooping and doesn’t have predictable times when he goes. He seems to go whenever and wherever.

For potty training to be successful, he should be dry for longer periods of time between changes—about an hour or two is a good start. And if he’s dry after a nap, then that’s a great sign that he can wait until he’s on the toilet to go.

How to handle your 3 year old wetting their pants during the day.

3. Your child has no interest in using the potty

Not all kids have to be super excited about the potty to show that they’re ready. But even then, they should still have some awareness or at least curiosity about using the potty.

For instance, your child knows what “pee” and “poop” mean. She tells you that she needs to pee, or that she just peed a while ago. And she should be aware of how the potty works and give it a go.

4. Your child can’t undress alone

One requirement with using the potty is the ability for your child to undress himself, particularly his bottom half. Sure, unbuttoning jeans might still be hard for him, but he should be able to pull loose, elastic pants on and off.

If this is still a challenge, then you might want to wait a little bit before you start potty training.

Learn how to teach a child to dress themselves.

5. Your child won’t sit on the potty

If you find that your toddler refuses to sit on the potty for at least a good 3-5 minutes—even dressed—then she might not be ready.

Part of getting used to using the potty is being willing to sit for a long while on it. Even if nothing trickles out, she was at least willing to give it a try long enough for something to potentially happen.

One trick that can help is to give her something to “distract” herself. She might read a book, play with a toy, or even watch a television show on a tablet while she sits.

6. Your child resists the potty

By far, one of the biggest signs your child is not ready is potty training resistance.

She might throw tantrums at the idea of being bare-bottom for three days or feel anxious of sitting on the potty. Perhaps you fight about pooping in her pants or deal with tears and power struggles every day. It’s not that she doesn’t care about the potty, but she outright wants nothing to do with it.

She might be physically ready to use the potty. But because this has become so contentious between you two, she sees it as a loss of control. She feels so defensive about potty training that she won’t even give it a try.

In these circumstances, it’s best to let it go, even for just one week at a time. Don’t bring potty training up again, even if you have to give yourself pep talks so you don’t argue with her. After you’ve gone on a “break,” bring it up then, or wait for her to lead the way.

Conclusion

Signs of potty training readiness vary among all kids and aren’t indicative of any sort of “advanced” level. So, don’t worry if your child shows signs that he isn’t ready yet.

For instance, dirty diapers don’t faze him or he doesn’t stay dry for long periods. Maybe he can’t pull his pants up and down or doesn’t tell you he has to pee or poop (or that he already has).

Not only does he refuse to sit on the potty, he outright resists it. This might be out of fear or anxiety, or because of power struggles that keep him defensive.

Rest assured that if he isn’t ready for potty training, it’s not the end of the world. He won’t wear diapers forever.

Sometimes you wait for things to line up, while others, it’s about backing down and not making a big issue of it. And perhaps the most telltale sign that you’re on the right track is that potty training feels easy once and for all.

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6 Comments

Jessica says:

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I am really struggling with potty training my son he is going to turn 4 in 2 weeks .. I use timers, stay at home always making him sit but he doesn’t do anything..

1. Nina Garcia says:
  
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  So sorry you’re going through that, Jessica! I’ve learned that the more we fight the issue, the more they resist. Sometimes taking a relaxed approach and being more “matter of fact” about it can encourage him to take to it on his own. Hang in there, mama <3
  
Lynn says:

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We have a 3.5 year old very interested in the potty (books, talking about it, having us pretend with her friends). But she won’t sit on it. No matter what. She is fine with naked time and really likes wearing undies, but “accidents” aren’t quite enough of an incentive to get her there.

My best guess is that when we did some “intro potty” stuff at a very young age something happened that freaked her out. Back then, she just suddenly stopped being willing to sit, and we weren’t ready to train, so we just let it go.

But now, it’s time. It’s past time! But she is at best wary, if not downright fearful. We haven’t had luck asking her about it to better understand what she is afraid of. I think it is partly fear of failure, since she doesn’t like anything mildly performative or anything that draws too much attention to her.

So we think we just need to wait, but I think she’s willing to wait indefinitely, and we are not.

1. Nina Garcia says:
  
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  If she’s afraid of the potty, one idea is to see if she’ll take to a different type of potty. If the one she’s afraid to sit on is, say, a floor potty, see if she’ll take to one that attaches to the toilet.
  
  If she’s okay with naked time, see what happens if you implement a 3-day bare-bottom potty training weekend (https://sleepingshouldbeeasy.com/potty-train-3-days/). You’ll need to be consistent so she knows you’re not going to go back and forth with pull ups though.
  
  And another option is to simply go cold-turkey and ditch diapers completely (except for sleep). Treat it matter-of-fact, especially if she doesn’t like to be the center of attention. It’s simply something that’s happening. Handle the ensuing accidents just as neutrally, too.
  
  For many parents, potty training did just “click” for their kids, where they took to it eventually, especially once they sensed there were no power struggles. It’s almost like the less we fuss about it, the more they’ll take ownership of it. I know it feels like she’ll always wear diapers, but one thing our pediatrician reassured us is that no child enters kindergarten wearing diapers. At some point, every child will pick up potty training 🙂
  
Abby says:

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Hello! My son is 2.5. He does not have consistency with pooping and does not tell us when he has to go. He also does not hide to poop. He does tell us most of the time he is dirty. Do those other things need to be in place to potty train? Thank you.

1. Nina Garcia says:
  
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  Hi Abby! No, you don’t need to have all these signs to start potty training—they were just a few ideas to look out for. Go ahead and try, even if gradually. You’ll know he’s not ready (or that you need to take a step back) when he resists and cries about it. But if he’s excited, almost like he “gets it,” then that’s a good sign to keep going 🙂