How to Get Your Toddler to Stay in Bed
Wondering how to get your toddler to stay in bed? Check out these 8 tips to help your child to sleep—and stay—in bed the whole night.
My toddler wanted nothing to do with sleeping in his room, much less his bed.
He’d wake up at night and creep into our room, too afraid to sleep on his own. Other times, he refused to sleep to begin with and put up a fight come bedtime. Even though he was long past the infant stage, I wondered whether I’d ever get a solid night of sleep again.
It was during those moments that I knew something had to change. That he had to learn not only to sleep in his bed but to feel calm and confident in doing so. If anything, I focused more on how I responded to his behavior rather than solely on him.
Thankfully, it worked. He went from frantically pounding on the door to happily sleeping in his bed. And it’s not just a matter of “forcing” this sleeping arrangement on him but learning the cause of his behavior.
Take a look at several strategies you can try to help your toddler stay in bed:
Table of Contents
1. Tame your toddler’s fears
Your child may not want to sleep in her room because of fears that keep her from feeling safe and comfortable.
She could be afraid of the dark, especially if it’s pitch black from darkening curtains. Maybe she’s leery of “monsters” lurking in the room, or she dreads the nightmares she might have. Or she could be going through milestones like welcoming a new sibling or potty training that are making her anxious.
Address these nighttime fears while being sensitive to her feelings. For instance, install a night light or move plants around that might be casting scary shadows. Offer a special lovey or stuffed animal that she can sleep with.
No matter how silly or inconvenient her fears may seem, they’re real to her. Don’t brush them aside or dismiss them as petty. Instead, acknowledge them as real and help her find ways to cope with them.
Free resource: Do you struggle with getting her to take a nap? Grab your copy of The Five Habits That Will Make Your Child’s Naps Easier! Discover the five steps you need to do to finally get a break while she naps. You’ll also get my newsletters, which parents say they LOVE:
“Yet another email from you that resonates. Thank you for all of them. I look forward to more.” -Monika F.
2. Consider changes in your toddler’s life
Changes both big and small could be affecting your toddler’s comfort and confidence in staying in bed.
Maybe a new baby in the family is competing for your attention and prompts her to be near you all the time. Perhaps she’s starting school, has a new nanny, or you’ve moved to a new home.
Dig into potential insecurities that could be keeping her from staying in bed so you can address them.
3. Offer comfort items
Being apart from you the whole night—however simple a concept to us adults—can feel terrifying to your toddler.
This is when offering a special toy can help. A lovey or stuffed animal can be the “friend” he needs while you’re away. He can feel less alone when he has company, even from a stuffed animal.
Another comfort item could be white noise. The constant hum of a fan, heater, or white noise machine can make the room feel less empty as well as muffle sudden noises that could wake or scare him at night.
4. Set expectations
This is an overlooked tactic but one that’s not only helpful but essential. During the daytime, set your expectations with her as far as what she should and shouldn’t do at night. Reiterate this during your bedtime routine so she remembers what you had talked about.
Hearing the “plan” out loud really can help them abide by the rules. After all, it can be a bit unfair to lay them out at night when she’s already upset or confused. By going over the plan ahead of time, she has more reason to stay in bed.
First, explain how her bed is different from her crib, and what you expect of her now that she has a big kid bed. “Your bed is different from the crib, don’t you think? See this part of the bed? This is so you can get out on your own instead of me carrying you out.”
Then, let her know what she should do once she’s tucked in. “We’ll dress in pajamas, read two bedtime stories, and sing our lullabies. After that, you’ll stay in your bed. You should only get out when I come to your room in the morning.”
With these boundaries in place, she’s more likely to follow through.
5. Find something enjoyable about the bed and room
Encourage your toddler to sleep in her bed by making her sleep environment fun.
For instance, turn her toddler bed into a “house” by wrapping a sheet over the rails, making a canopy. Outfit her bed with a new blanket, especially featuring her favorite characters or interests. You can also get a new set of pajamas to mark the occasion or bring out old ones she hasn’t worn in a while.
And reinforce the idea that her bed and room are safe places to be. Spend time in her room during the day, and avoid using it as a “time out” area. The more she can see it as a positive place, the more confident she can feel even when she’s on her own.
6. Apologize for past habits
We focus so much on our kids’ behavior that we forget the roles we’ve played in making this happen.
Your toddler has grown used to sleeping in your bed because you’ve allowed her to sleep there. Transitioning into her bed is a hard ask when this is all she’s experienced.
Instead, fess up to the part you’ve played and the habits you’ve enabled. Explain how you’ve been allowing her to sleep in your bed, which hasn’t been helping anyone get the rest they need. Let her know you’re going to make changes so that everyone can rest well at night.
This simple admission of your “mistakes” reminds both of you that you’re on the same side and in this together.
7. Be consistent with a method
Sometimes the most difficult part about getting kids to listen is our inconsistencies. One night you encourage your toddler to sleep in his room only to concede to his endless cries the next. You’re sending mixed messages that might prolong your end goal.
Instead, set boundaries and hold your ground.
Don’t change the expectations and relent with, “Okay, you can cuddle with mommy just for tonight.” Decide on what you want to do and stick with it, giving it a week to settle in. Follow through consistently with your word so he takes you seriously.
After all, what is it that you truly want? If your ultimate goal is to get him to sleep in his bed, then keep that in mind if you’re tempted to bend the rules.
Learn the biggest reason parents should hold their ground.
8. Keep interactions minimal
One reason toddlers keep getting out of bed is that they want more time with us. They realize that we’re still awake when they’re already tucked in bed and want in on the action.
To reinforce the idea that bedtime is for sleep, keep your interactions minimal each time she gets out of bed. If she gets out of the room, walk her back in with little fanfare or admonition. Don’t even make eye contact, and keep your words few and simple.
You might even want to keep the rest of the house subdued, even temporarily, so that she doesn’t think she’s missing out on anything while she’s in bed.
And to “fill her bucket,” spend plenty of quality time with her during the day when she is awake. That way, she knows that the time to hang out is during the day, and everyone sleeps at night.
9. Check in strategically
One way to keep your child in his room is to prevent her from leaving it in the first place. Rather than leaving the door ajar, close it so that he can’t open it to leave. Let him know that it’s time to sleep and that he should stay in bed and rest until morning.
Close the door and leave, even if he cries out for mommy or daddy. Then, if he’s still crying 10-15 minutes later, poke your head in the room to remind him that you’re still here but that it’s time to sleep. Repeat these check-ins every 10-15 minutes until he stops crying.
The most important part? Stay consistent. You can’t tell him that you’ll be in your room for the night, only to relent and stay in his until he falls asleep. Similarly, put your foot down when you say he can’t sleep in your bed like he usually did.
With consistency, he’ll learn that he can sleep in his bed all night instead of relying on old habits.
10. Congratulate your toddler the next morning
The next morning, praise your toddler for doing his best (yes, even if he woke up several times or whined and complained).
This is a big milestone, and the best approach is to show empathy and patience, no matter how tired you might feel. Point out how you were proud of him, and continue to encourage and believe that he can sleep independently in his bed.
It’s not easy to make that leap from his old sleeping arrangements to staying in his bed all night. Even a simple, “You did it! You stayed in your room” shows him that he was able to do it after all.
Learn how to keep your toddler in their room at night.
Conclusion
Disclosure: This article contains affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
Getting your toddler to sleep in her bed is possible. Start by finding and discussing any fears she might have, as well as major changes she could be going through. Offer a comfort item like a lovey, and set your expectations, including what you should both do come bedtime.
Create a positive sleeping environment, from new sheets to white noise. Be consistent with the method you choose—being fickle might send mixed messages.
Fess up to the habits you’ve allowed to happen up to this point, and let her know you’ll do a better job in helping her sleep independently. And finally, congratulate her the following morning, even if she cried the whole night. This is a huge step for her and one that needs to be acknowledged and thanked.
No more sleepless nights, friend! Now you can get your toddler to sleep in her bed—even when she started off wanting nothing to do with it.
p.s. I also recommend reading the book A Bed of Your Own by Mij Kelly with your child, perfect for kids making the transition to sleeping alone:
Don’t forget: Join my newsletter and grab your copy of The Five Habits That Will Make Your Child’s Naps Easier: