How to Encourage Table Manners for Kids

Tired of how your children behave at mealtimes? Learn how to encourage table manners for kids and have a pleasant experience with the family.

We were sitting at a table next to a mom with her two kids. She had been trying unsuccessfully to get them to sit down properly and finish their meal. She eyed my kids sitting quietly and, with an exasperated chuckle, asked, “How do you do it?”

First, a disclosure: my kids aren’t “perfect” at the dining table. The strangest phrases have come out of our mouths to get them to behave, from “Please stop scraping your fork along the table,” to “The bench is not for jumping.” But generally, I’m fortunate that they’ve been relatively easy during mealtimes and at restaurants.

That said, what are some tips on teaching table manners for kids and learning good habits? Is it a matter of learning proper etiquette and reminding them about not keeping elbows off the table and napkins on their laps?

How to encourage table manners for kids

By good manners, we’re not talking about sitting up straight or holding the cutlery correctly. Instead, we’re talking about being able to eat with your kids—whether at home or a restaurant—and actually enjoy yourselves.

Take a look at these simple but effective ways to get them to behave at the dinner table and learn important social skills:

1. Create a positive eating experience

Kids can display poor table manners because they’re not enjoying themselves. They might feel impatient for the meal to come or ignored by conversations they don’t understand. Consider the following ways you can make mealtimes more pleasant:

Engage everyone in conversation. Do you sometimes discuss topics with your partner, sometimes at the cost of ignoring your kids? While they should be exposed to adult topics and table talk, being included in the conversation can help them feel more engaged. You might explain what you’re discussing, or simply ask one another, including the kids, how your day has gone. Check out these family conversation starters to try.
Ask them to help at the dinner table. They can help set the salt and pepper shakers and napkins and set the table, as well as clear the dirty dishes into the sink.
Discuss the food. With conversations and meals going hand in hand, talking about the food keeps kids engaged and present in what they’re doing. Ask your child what her favorite part of the meal is and discuss the colors in the food, textures, and scents.
Establish the importance of family meals. Gathering for dinner has been cited for improved vocabulary, less obesity, and more discipline, to name a few benefits.

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2. Set expectations

You set the tone for what is and isn’t acceptable at the dinner table. And one of the best ways to encourage behavior you want to keep seeing is to acknowledge it.

Praise your child for wiping her mouth with the napkin or for sitting patiently while she waits for her food. Positive reinforcement can let her know that she’s doing a great job and can behave well at the dinner table.

Then, let the little simple things slide. Don’t make a big deal about a dropped utensil or accidentally making a mess. Some behavior might also be acceptable given her age—eating salad with her fingers may be fine for a toddler, but not for a 12-year-old.

But, nip poor behavior in the bud. There’s a difference between accidentally dropping a knife and burping obnoxiously. Don’t let your kids yell across the table, make rude noises, or get in a tussle with a sibling, especially at a restaurant when others are trying to enjoy themselves.

3. Teach and model how to express opinions about food

“Yuck!” a child might say in response to a new food your dinner host has just offered. Before chastising him for his honest opinions, remember that kids say what’s on their minds with little social filters.

Instead of berating him for not liking a certain food, offer a different way to respond. He could:

Not say anything at all
Say “thank you” for the meal
Not finish the meal
See if there’s something else he can eat

Remind him that in some social situations, he might eat food he won’t like, but he should still be polite, keep the bad comments to himself, and show appreciation for the gesture.

4. Choose kid-friendly restaurants

One of the best ways to teach young children good table manners in public is to start with safe places. Go to a diner with loud music, big booths, and tons of other families. Eat at a restaurant with no waiter service and less waiting.

Show them how to fill their time while waiting. Mention the restaurant’s interesting decor or bring crayons as a fun way to keep them occupied (but not so much that they lose sight of what eating together is about).

And describe the process—tell them that the chef is now preparing the food or that the server is writing up the check at the end of the meal. They can feel less stifled and have more patience knowing there’s a point to all the waiting.

And of course, venture out when they’re at their best—well-rested, hungry but not ravenous, and eager to leave the house. Prepare the conditions so that they all point favorably to a fun dining experience, leading to better table manners.

Get tips on how to enjoy a restaurant with kids.

Conclusion

Table manners for kids is absolutely possible. Create a positive dining experience that includes them in the conversation. Set your expectations by acknowledging good behavior and nipping poor ones right away.

Teach—and model yourself—how to respond to food they may not like. And choose kid-friendly outings, at least for now, to make the dining experience easier for everyone.

Now the next time you eat out, another parent just might ask you, “How do you do it?” as your kids enjoy their meals.

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