What to Do When Your Toddler Wakes Up Crying Every Morning
Frustrated that your toddler wakes up crying every morning? Learn why it happens and how to help your child start the day on a positive note.
You could say that my toddler wasn’t exactly a “morning person.”
His cries and screams were enough to test anyone’s patience—that he started them first thing in the morning didn’t help at all. It seemed like he was set on waking up cranky and crying right from the start, and any attempt to cheer him up didn’t seem to work.
For many of us, the day is already off to a rocky start when our kids wake up miserable. Don’t worry, friend—you’re not stuck. I was able to find many ways to resolve this problem and will share what worked in this article. As these parents said:
“I wanted to say thank you for the advice you give all the moms and dads out there. Thank you for everything you do for us parents.”
Marcus
“Thank you so much for posting this. It is some solid advice and I feel so much better knowing I am not alone!”
Maureen
Table of Contents
Have an earlier bedtime
If your toddler wakes up too early in the morning, she likely cries because she’s still tired.
Many kids struggle with going back to sleep in the mornings (until now, mine hardly “sleep in” in the mornings), even when they could clearly use it. And sometimes it’s difficult to do, what with the sun rising at a certain time or sleep associations that are hard to break.
To help your toddler get the sleep she needs, move bedtime earlier, even by 15 minutes. In fact, don’t push bedtime back any more than 15 minutes at a time. For instance, if bedtime is at 8pm, see what a 7:45pm bedtime looks like. If you think she can use more sleep, go for 7:30pm the next night.
This can help her get the hours of sleep she needs while still waking up at the same time in the mornings.
Free resource: Do you struggle with getting her to sleep at nap time? Grab your copy of The Five Habits That Will Make Your Child’s Naps Easier! Discover the five steps you need to do to finally get a break while she naps. You’ll also get my newsletters, which parents say they LOVE:
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Tell your toddler to wake up happy the night before
This advice seems so strange… until you try it.
We forget how powerful messages can be in affecting our behavior, especially right before sleep. After all, our minds are still hard at work, even when we’re fast asleep.
I don’t know about you, but when I go to sleep with worry or fear in my mind, I don’t always wake up in the best of moods. But when I tell myself that I’ll have a good night’s sleep and wake up feeling positive, that’s exactly what happens.
Try talking to your toddler about how she’ll wake up happy in the morning. Don’t make it a threat (“You should wake up happy tomorrow!”), but rather, plant the idea that she can wake up feeling happy.
You might say, “Have a good night! Tomorrow, you can wake up happy and excited for the day.” She might even repeat it to herself as a bedtime affirmation: “I’ll wake up happy and excited.”
Remaining calm during this time will also help. Your words will have no meaning if your facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice show anxiety and frustration.
Cuddle with your toddler before wake-up time
I thought I was doing the right thing by letting my toddler sleep in. While his brothers would head to the dining table to eat breakfast, I kept his room dark, with the door only slightly propped open.
But every morning, he’d wake up crying, upset that he had been “left behind.” He woke up startled to find himself alone, rather than grateful for being able to sleep in.
So, I started to beat him to the punch. Instead of waiting for him to wake up cranky, I’d cuddle with him while he was still stirring and waking up.
When he was in his crib or toddler bed, I’d sit next to him and hold him as much as I was able to. When he transitioned from a toddler bed to a twin bed, I’d climb into his bed and hold him, gently helping him wake up.
By cuddling with your child before she wakes up, you can help transition her from sleep into awake time. And since you’re next to her, she’s less likely to throw tantrums once she’s fully awake and alert.
Expert tip
If she likes to drink milk after waking up, bring her sippy cup with you. She’ll have her milk ready to go, giving her one less reason to fuss.
Teach your toddler how to cope with big feelings
Your toddler’s behavior can feel extra exasperating because it seems like a paradox. On one hand, you know he’s tired, but on the other, he refuses to keep sleeping.
Except… this is you looking at the situation from your point of view. When you see it from his, then his behavior begins to make more sense, especially when you realize he may not know how to manage his big feelings.
You know it’s morning time and can situate yourself easily. But he might be coming out of bad dreams, night terrors, or sudden separation anxiety at bedtime. He could be experiencing changes like potty training or cutting teeth. And, unlike adults, he’s still learning how to cope when these feelings and experiences arise.
So, it’s up to you to show him how to manage this discomfort. As I say in my book, No Cranky Naps:
“You can’t control how your child wakes up, but you can control how you respond to him. And rather than getting into epic battles, assume the role of a coach who can help him get through big feelings.”
Start by talking about his feelings, from “mad” and “sad,” to “excited” and “happy.” The more he can use words to express how he feels, the less likely he’ll cry.
Then, give him an action plan, equipping him with things he can do when he wakes up, instead of getting upset. Maybe he gets out of bed and finds you or he can play with toys in his room while he waits. He can hold onto his lovey or blanket, sing songs, or tell stories. Give him options to replace his current behavior.
Factor in your toddler’s wake-ups into your morning
One of the reasons you may be losing your cool is because your toddler’s behavior feels like a major disruption to your morning. If you’re like me, your morning routine is geared to getting out the door on time—any misstep can throw the whole day off.
But since your toddler wakes up crying every morning, rearrange the start of your day to factor in her behavior.
Wake up earlier to get breakfast started. Get dressed for the day before he wakes up. Aim to leave later in the morning so that any delay doesn’t make you feel like you’re running late. Keep your mornings slow instead of rigid and fast-paced.
By working your mornings around her cranky wake-ups, you can tend to her needs without feeling rushed.
Conclusion
Starting your day off hearing your toddler screaming isn’t easy for any parent, but now you have a few strategies to cope.
I’m pleased to report that my son no longer woke up crying every morning. Regardless of whether he was in deep sleep or stirring throughout, he outgrew the phase, especially with the help of the tools we discussed.
And perhaps that’s the most important thing to remember: that kids will outgrow this, including your toddler. Even if he doesn’t seem like a “morning person.”
Frequently asked questions
Your toddler might not be getting enough sleep—or enough continuous sleep—to wake up refreshed in the mornings. She may not know how to put herself back to sleep in the early mornings and wakes up grumpy from the lack of rest.
Start by setting an expectation of what time he should wake up—let’s say 6:30am. If he wakes up at 5:40am, calmly walk in, make sure all is fine, and let him know that it’s not time to wake up yet. Close the door and leave the room.
Check in every few minutes doing the same thing (without staying too long each time), until 6:30am. You’ll likely repeat this the next few mornings until he gets the point that waking up doesn’t mean it’s time to start the day.
Over time, he might even learn to soothe himself back to sleep, or at least learn that it’s okay to wake up calmly and enjoy the morning while he waits for you. You can even get an alarm clock or timer that lights up at a certain time. This can be his cue that it’s officially time to wake up.
Get more tips:
- What to Do When Your Toddler Is Hysterical at Bedtime
- Transitioning to a Toddler Bed at 18 Months
- How to Create a Successful Toddler Sleep Schedule
- 5 Tips to Try When Your Toddler Wakes Up Too Early
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