How to Be a Happy Mom
Not all moments of motherhood are perfect, and being a parent can be downright hard. Discover how to be a happy mom even in tough times.
“Does it get better?”
It’s the question we all ask, whether we’re first-time moms blown away by this new role, or even seasoned moms facing different challenges.
We hear other moms who won’t stop swooning over their new babies, sleep-deprived and everything. Other friends seem to have “easy” babies who don’t give as much trouble as ours do. Meanwhile, we’re beyond exhausted.
Like many exhausted moms, I couldn’t function on less than eight hours of sleep during those first few months. I was rude to my family, complained more than I coddled, and was often downright miserable.
If you can relate, rest assured you’re not alone, friend. And more importantly, how you feel is normal and common.
What do you do if you’re pining for your old life instead of feeling overjoyed and blessed? How can you manage your emotions on top of your new responsibilities? Take a look at these tips on how to be a happy mom and turn things around:
Table of Contents
1. Grieve your expectations
We don’t give enough weight to the expectations we carry before what eventually befalls us. You may have wanted a girl and feel compelled to bury your resentment or disappointment of having a boy. Or the news of a pregnancy might have thrown you for a loop when you weren’t even trying to have a baby.
I was so shocked when I learned I was having twins that I cried for a week. This wasn’t in my “plans,” and I worried about our future, from how my body would carry two babies to how we’d ever afford this. Meanwhile, I was supposed to be on cloud nine and feel grateful.
If you harbored expectations and they weren’t met, give yourself the time to grieve for what isn’t or couldn’t be. You’re not a horrible mom for hoping for something else.
These thoughts need to be addressed and accepted, not brushed under the rug. Even writing them down in a journal can be a refreshing habit to accept and let go of these challenging feelings.
Free challenge: Feeling stuck in motherhood and want to enjoy your life again? Join my newsletter and sign up for the Motherhood Motivation 5-Day Challenge! You’ll get one actionable tip a day that can make you think (and act) about motherhood differently:
2. Understand that things do get better
As a first-time mom, I’d get irritated when anyone would promise me that it’ll get better. Really? When? Because when you’re dreading the evenings and wondering whether you’re even fit to be a mom, “It’ll get better” isn’t coming fast enough.
Yet it did, and it can for you, too. Maybe when…
- your baby sleeps through the night (or at least longer chunks of it)
- he can put himself to sleep
- you have a routine and schedule in place
- he can communicate better
- he’s more self-sufficient and independent
- you’re no longer pumping, nursing, or bottle-feeding
- he doesn’t have colic or gas
- he smiles
- your hormones are more balanced
- he takes consistent naps
- you can practice more self-care
And most importantly, when you’ve adjusted to your new role and feel like you’ve grown into a better mom. Motherhood can be a difficult adjustment. You can’t prepare for this role, regardless of how many books, classes, or babysitting you’ve done.
Imagine being thrown into this predicament that has been called one of the most difficult jobs. It’s hard to see how things can get any better when every week, every night, seems to stretch forever.
But those days and weeks turn into months and one day, you’ll see that your baby slept longer than usual. The piles of dishes and laundry are more manageable. And you now know how to open and fold the darn stroller, toss it in the car, and take your baby for an outing—all on your own.
When you feel more confident in your abilities, things become second nature.
Read 6 reasons motherhood is hard.
3. Change your scenery
When you feel stuck in a rut, a change in your environment can be all it takes to recharge and feel better. You could:
- Have someone watch the baby. Use this time to do whatever you want or need to do: get enough sleep, take a shower, eat at a restaurant, read a book, exercise. Asking for help does not mean you’re failing.
- Take the baby for a stroll. Getting fresh air and sun can help change your mood.
- Stay in. Are you not confident about taking the baby out yet? Stay indoors. Sometimes bundling him, plus the bag and stroller, is more of a hassle than staying home.
- Talk to other moms. Whether online, over the phone, or in person, discuss the joys and challenges of motherhood with fellow moms.
- Get your partner on board. Dad is a co-parent, not a babysitter. Find ways to get him involved in the household, freeing you up emotionally and physically.
- Clear the clutter. Having your home feel comfortable and tidy can lift your spirits and turn a bad mood around (yes, even if things will get messy again!).
4. Don’t feel guilty about how you feel
You might compare yourself to other moms who have endless patience for their kids or the right balance between parenthood and their other hobbies. Moms who seem so, so happy.
Except… it’s an unfair comparison. We all go through tough times, even the ones who seem to have a perfect, happy life. You’re being more honest about your feelings when you say you’re not always happy and are often in tears.
Life with a new baby is a drastic change and can take a toll on your mental health. Even if this isn’t your first, you likely adjusted to a new norm that was interrupted by this big change.
Try not to get down on yourself about the sadness or guilt you may feel—you’re a human being who’s allowed to feel this way.
5. Make the best of what you have
We’re most unhappy when we continue to pine for what we can’t or don’t have. Choose to accept your situation and find the positives instead.
For instance, change your perspective and treat hanging out with your kids as something fun. Remind yourself that people love visiting babies for reasons you may not be able to appreciate or see. Those gurgling laughs, your baby’s cute face, the comforting way he sleeps in your arms.
Because childhood goes by fast, both its challenges and its joys.
Use this time to make the most of your situation. Change your mindset and you may find yourself enjoying the moments with your baby, both the good ones and even the “bad.”
Conclusion
Deep breath, friend. This is a vulnerable period in your life. Thankfully, being a happy mom doesn’t have to feel like an elusive goal.
Start by grieving whatever expectations you may have had before becoming a mom. Know that things do get better over time, even if it can be hard to see that now. Change your scenery, from doing something new to making sure your partner is supportive.
Don’t feel guilty about how you feel, especially when it seems like you’re the only one who feels that way. And lastly, choose to make the most of what you have. Finding the positive can be all it takes to change the stories you tell yourself about motherhood.
No matter where you are and the circumstances you find yourself in, know that it does get better—even if it seems like it isn’t coming fast enough.
Get more tips:
- What to Do When You Feel Like You’re Failing as a Parent
- The Biggest Reason to Have a Life Beyond Kids
Don’t forget: Join my newsletter and sign up for the Motherhood Motivation 5-Day Challenge below: