How to Stop Rocking Your Baby to Sleep
Some people don’t mind rocking their babies, but it wasn’t for me. Here’s how to stop rocking your baby to sleep.
When I was pregnant, a co-worker advised, “Don’t get in the habit of rocking your baby to sleep—he’ll get used to it.” As I nodded my head and smiled, all I could think was, How could she suggest such an idea?!
Well… six months, two broken knees, and many nights of sleep deprivation, I later knew why.
(I’ll get to the broken knees later.)
After bringing my baby home, I realized he would doze off after a few moments of bouncing and rocking in my arms. He even only fell asleep in mine—a fact I took great pride in back then: “Only mama has the special touch!”
I used all sorts of rocking, from side-to-side stepping to my bob-and-weave move. But the constant rocking motion plus a growing baby meant my arms couldn’t hold up for much longer.
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Why I regret rocking my baby to sleep
When my baby was four months old, I visited my sister and noticed she had a yoga ball. “Can I use that to bounce him to sleep?” Not only did she agree, but she also lent us the ball to use at home—a curse in disguise as I would soon learn.
The ball seemed to work miracles: my arms got a break and he slept immediately. But with our ever-growing dependence on the ball, he began to rely solely on the bouncing motion to fall asleep. So much so that we’d have to bounce him for several minutes each time before placing him in the crib.
What had once been an effective way to put him to sleep was quickly becoming a problem. Here’s why:
My baby relied on external sleeping aids
We all rely on sleep aids, some of them as common as sleeping in a dark room or hearing white noise. But my baby’s sleep aids—rocking in particular—were not always sustainable. While I could keep white noise and darkening curtains all night with no problem, there was no way I could rock him for hours on end.
They also prevented him from falling asleep on his own. He wasn’t able to practice self-soothing techniques like rocking his head side to side or sucking his thumb. Because I did all the work for him, he had few opportunities to develop these abilities.
Pacifiers, nursing to sleep—these are other examples of sleep aids that aren’t sustainable.
Frequent wake-ups meant the whole family was tired
My baby also didn’t know how to fall back to sleep when he woke up in the middle of the night. Each wake-up meant my husband or I would have to get up and rock him back to sleep instead of hoping he’d settle himself.
His light sleeping meant he was waking up and feeding every hour or two. The wake-ups were so frequent that I never reached deep sleep—even though I’d clock in enough hours of sleep, my body didn’t feel rested.
My knees gave out
While my arms got a break from bouncing on a yoga ball, my knees took a hit. My baby required at least 10 minutes of ball bouncing per sleep session. Since nap time still happened three times a day with nighttime wake-ups about three times a night, that added up to six times of bouncing minimum.
And again, that’s assuming he’d fall asleep when I set him down. Many times, I’d bounce for 10 minutes only for him to wake up the instant I put him down. That means another set of 10 minutes of bouncing all over again.
My baby still cried even when rocked
Somehow the rocking itself wasn’t soothing enough, and my baby would still cry in my arms the entire time.
I even tried bouncing harder on the yoga ball, which seemed to calm him down a little at first. But over time, even that didn’t work. Everything seemed backward: I had started rocking him to sleep to avoid his crying, but he was still crying regardless of how much or how long I rocked him.
Rocking your baby to sleep is fine if both parent and baby enjoy it. But for some (myself included), the “bonding experience” brought misery and anxiety instead. I dreaded the start of the bedtime routine, knowing that what should be a long stretch of sleep for everyone would be punctured by frequent wake-ups.
How to stop rocking your baby to sleep
I later learned a few techniques I should’ve started from day one. These habits helped my baby learn to fall asleep on his own and rely less on rocking. I also applied these tips when I had my twins down the line, and they didn’t rely on rocking nearly as much.
If you want to stop rocking your baby to sleep, take a look at these strategies that can ease your little one out of your arms. Hopefully, one or a combination of these tips can help you do just that:
Decrease the rocking gradually
One way to stop rocking your baby to sleep is to do it gradually. This can be especially helpful if you find that he simply can’t take big changes too suddenly. The goal is to slowly decrease the intensity of rocking to the point where he can fall asleep without needing it.
To start, instead of rocking with the same intensity you usually do, take it down a notch, perhaps 75% of what you usually do. Allow him to get used to that sensation and fall asleep. Then, the next time, take it down another notch, to about 50%, and so forth.
At some point, you can hopefully hold him in your arms and set him down without needing to be rocked at all.
Keep contact
Rocking your baby not only lulls him to sleep because of the motion, but because of the close contact he has with you. To suddenly go from the warmth of your body to the stiff, cold surface of the crib is enough to jolt him awake.
To make that transition smoother, stay in contact with him as you set him down. Start by holding him horizontally on his back so that he’s already in the position he should be in when you put him down (as opposed to holding him over your shoulder).
Then, place your hand over his chest as you set him down. If possible, try to keep your chest touching his as well. Stay in this position until he’s settled. Next, slowly stand up and ease your bottom hand from below his body while still keeping your other hand on his chest.
If he starts to stir, start patting his body and shushing him to settle down. Once he’s asleep, remove your hand and stop patting to let him continue sleeping.
Bonus tip: The warmth of your body can be quite different from the coolness of the crib. See if you can warm the crib beforehand by placing a heating mat on the mattress. When it’s almost nap time, remove the mat (remember to check that the crib isn’t too warm with your hand). That way, sleeping on the crib can still feel as cozy and warm as your arms.
Rock and pause
Do you rock your baby until he’s completely asleep? See if you can rock him to a drowsy state and allow him to fall asleep while you’re still and not moving.
To start, rock him as you usually do, but as he gets drowsy, slow your rocking until you’re completely still. Keep holding him in the same position, but don’t rock him. This allows him to learn to fall asleep without motion.
You can either keep holding him (without rocking) until he falls asleep or try to set him down (whether drowsy or completely asleep). Either way, don’t start rocking him again unless he gets fussy. And even then, repeat the process of only rocking him to a drowsy state, not fully asleep.
Sleep train
One downside of rocking your baby to sleep is that he’s had few chances to fall asleep on his own. He’s grown so used to the motion of being rocked that he knows no other way to sleep.
But as you likely know by now, rocking him to sleep isn’t sustainable in the long run. If he’s past the newborn stage, you might want to consider sleep training him to fall asleep on his own.
Lay him down awake, then check in at a set number of minutes to reassure him that you’re here and that it’s time to sleep. Resist the temptation to pick him up or revert to your old habits, as this can confuse him. And keep your attitude positive so he doesn’t sense any anxiety or worry.
With consistency, he can learn the skills and develop the confidence to fall asleep on his own.
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Let your baby lie down awake
Picture this: You’ve just rocked your baby to sleep, but the minute you put him down, his eyes fly wide open. Except sometimes, he doesn’t cry—he’s simply lying down awake.
If so, let him be. It’s tempting to scoop him up and rock him back to sleep. But give him a chance to lie awake, especially since he’s not even crying. He’s taking in the change in environment and could still fall asleep.
Letting him lie down gives him a chance to feel comfortable being alone in this position and not being rocked. He has more opportunities to learn how to fall asleep when he’s lying down awake to do so.
I never believed this until I had my twins. I finally gave it a go, giving them a few minutes to fall asleep even if their eyes opened after I put them down in the crib. Then, lo and behold, I’d eventually find them asleep a few minutes later, even though I had put them down wide awake.
Feed your baby after waking up
If you’re like me, you assumed that feeding your baby to sleep was the way to go. She likely conked out mid-feed, making it ideal to set her down for a nap.
The problem with feeding to sleep is that it reinforces the habit of needing to suck to fall asleep. This isn’t always sustainable, since you feel compelled to feed her if she stirs herself awake (even if she’s not hungry).
Instead, feed her after she wakes up from sleep. In doing so, she’ll rely less on nursing (and being held) to fall asleep, breaking yet another habit that relies on external sleep aids.
Feeding after waking also gives her the energy and calories during the time she needs it most—when she’s awake and alert. Lastly, you avoid excess spit-up since she isn’t lying down after eating.
The bottom line
Rocking your baby to sleep isn’t a big bad terrible thing to do. Many parents enjoy the bonding experience. But for others, it can be exhausting and draining to do over and over again.
If you feel the same way, rest assured you’re not alone—and that you can turn things around. With these tips, he can rely less on rocking to sleep—and you just might save your arms and knees as well.
Get more tips:
- Frequently Asked Questions About Sleep Training
- How to Sleep Train for Naps
- How to Prepare for Sleep Training
- What to Do When Your Baby Plays in the Crib Instead of Sleep
- Practical Tips for Sleep Training While Teething
Don’t forget: Join my newsletter and discover the 5 mistakes that are keeping your baby from self-soothing below—at no cost to you: