What to Do When Your Newborn Only Sleeps When Held at Night
Feeling sleep deprived because your newborn only sleeps when held at night? Learn how to ease your baby out of your arms for safer sleep.
My baby could not stand the crib, especially at night.
Our bedtime routine ended with me nursing him until he fell asleep. But the minute I placed him in the crib, he’d wake up and cry. There’s nothing like feeling like all that hard work of getting him asleep was all for nothing.
So, I tried nursing him lying down, desperate for sleep that I knew we both needed. But nursing this way made me feel even more afraid that I was putting him at risk.
Still, the long-term goal was to get him to sleep on his own in the crib.
Some parents love holding their babies to sleep, but that may not the best option because of the risk of SIDS. Not many of us can—nor should—stay awake all night. Because it’s one thing when you’re awake and can hold your baby during the day. But how do you get him to sleep on his own when everyone else is supposed to be asleep, too?
I hear you, friend.
While you can’t expect your baby to sleep for 12 hours straight, you can at least ease him into sleeping on his own at night. Take a look at the process that helped me, and I hope it can work for you, too:
Table of Contents
1. Create the right sleep environment
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The first step is to prepare the room for optimal sleep. The goal is to reduce stimulation that might prevent your baby from feeling relaxed and ready to snooze. This might mean dim lighting and soothing music. When I took a class on infant care, the instructor also said the ideal room temperature is between 68 to 72°F.
Then, turn on a white noise machine (or even a heater, fan, or an audio app). This can muffle sudden sounds that might startle her awake while she sleeps. Similarly, hang darkening curtains in the room to block light from entering the room, which can lengthen her sleep as well.
(Don’t have time to hang curtains? Tape large black trash bags over the window for a temporary fix.)
Lastly, experiment with warming the crib before setting your baby down. You might try placing a heating pad on the sleep surface about 10 minutes before you put her down. If you do, always feel it with your hand to make sure it didn’t get too hot.
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2. Dress your baby appropriately
While temperature is rarely the make-or-break deal when it comes to helping babies sleep, it’s amazing how much of a difference it can still make.
If the weather is cool, dress your baby in layers to keep him comfortable. The general rule of thumb is to dress him in one more layer than you’re wearing.
Similarly, put him in a swaddle. This can stop him from startling himself when his arms flail from the Moro reflex. The snug fit also mimics the womb, which can calm him down as well.
“But he hates the swaddle!” you might say. Before you write the swaddle off, first ask yourself if he’s crying only as you’re putting it on, or whether he eventually calms down while wearing it. If he’s able to calm down, those initial tears while getting swaddled might be worth it if he can sleep longer.
And if he truly hates the traditional swaddle (whether a loose blanket or a pre-made one), consider those designed with the arms near his head, not tucked by his side. Here are a few recommendations:
What should your baby wear at night? Find out here.
3. Follow a consistent bedtime routine
Even though your baby can’t tell time yet, she can still sense cues that signal certain events. Perhaps the scent of mom’s clothes means she can breastfeed soon, or that bright sunlight usually means playtime.
The same is true with falling asleep. By doing the same rituals at the same and in the same order, she can associate certain activities with falling asleep. According to the National Library of Medicine:
“Institution of a consistent bedtime routine has been demonstrated to improve sleep in young children within two weeks.”
So, start your routine at the same time every night. Then, do the same activities in the same order. This might mean giving her a bath, followed by a massage and dressing her in pajamas and swaddle. You might sing a lullaby or read a book in bed before turning off the light and switching on the white noise machine.
While this isn’t a surefire guarantee, doing the opposite can’t help. Imagine putting her to sleep at any hour of the night or a bath and massage some nights but not the others. By doing the same things consistently, you’re drilling the idea that these are the activities that lead to sleep.
4. Hold your baby horizontally
Before you’re ready to lay your baby down from your arms, hold him horizontally (instead of, say, on your chest or over your shoulder). Do this with plenty of time so that, should he stir from being held upright to horizontally, he can still settle himself to sleep.
By holding him horizontally, you have one less obstacle during the transition from your arms and the crib.
Then, don’t just set him down all at once. Instead, slowly put him down first by the feet, then his bottom, followed by his back, and finally his head. This can prevent him from being startled as he goes from your arms to the mattress.
5. Pat to soothe
What do you do if he wakes up as you’re putting him down? Start by patting his back and “shushing” him to a calmer state before putting him back down.
Only pick him up if he’s beyond whining and whimpering and is truly upset. He won’t put himself to sleep if he’s crying hysterically. Once you pick him up, do what you normally do to get him to sleep again, whether that’s rocking, feeding, or offering a pacifier.
Repeat the process of holding him horizontally and putting him down to sleep again. Hopefully, as you do this more often, the time it takes to set him down gets shorter and shorter.
If you can put him down asleep with not a single peep, try putting him down drowsy the next time. And once he masters that, try putting him down awake. The better he gets at being put down, the easier he can also self-soothe.
Try this method either at bedtime or for one of the naps when you’re more rested and patient. Doing this in the middle of the night can be challenging!
Conclusion
Whether you love holding your little one for a long time or not, doing so at night may not be the safest option. Thankfully, you can get your baby to sleep without being held.
Start by creating the right environment and dressing him appropriately (including wearing the right swaddle). Follow a consistent bedtime routine to signal that it’s time to sleep. Hold him horizontally before placing him in the bassinet or crib, and follow the “pat and shush” method to encourage him to sleep alone.
Once he gets the hang of being put down asleep, experiment with putting him drowsy, and then awake. Try this for the first few times during a nap or in the early evening when you’re rested and more patient.
Now you can put him down safely to sleep—even if he started off hating the crib.
Get more tips:
- Newborn Awake for 3 Hours? Here’s What to Do
- Is Your Newborn Not Sleeping? 9 Tricks to Help Your Baby
- What to Do When Your Newborn Wants to Be Held All the Time
- 5 Reasons Your Newborn Wakes Up Screaming
- Signs of an Overtired Newborn to Look Out For
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