5 Reasons Your 4 Year Old Won’t Poop on the Potty
Do you wonder why your 4 year old won’t poop on the potty? Kids can be coaxed into using the potty if you provide the ideal conditions. In this article, I’ll share 5 possible reasons this happens, the issues you may face, plus tips to help encourage your child to finally go!
There’s something about having an older child who still isn’t completely potty trained. The reassurances that he’ll do it “when he’s ready” are starting to get old. How is it that your 4 year old poops in his pants and doesn’t care one bit?
Remember, he won’t go to kindergarten wearing diapers. This will work out, somehow, someday. But in the meantime, it’s good to examine what exactly is going on, and whether you can do something different to change your circumstances. Well, it turns out, you can.
Take a look at these reasons a 4 year old won’t poop on the potty and, more importantly, what you can do about it. As one parent said about the article:
“My 4 year old is finally pooping on the toilet! I followed the tips in this article and it really helped. I wanted to post this for parents who feel discouraged! Stay consistent!” -Cindy
Table of Contents
1. You still rely on diapers
Does your child ask for a diaper to poop into?
For many parents, the thought of ditching diapers during the day completely feels impossible. After all, without diapers, your 4 year old will have accidents during the day or hold his poop until who knows when.
But it’s this back-and-forth with using diapers that has enabled his behavior to begin with. He believes that if he holds his poop long enough, you’ll eventually relent and pull out that diaper for him to poop into.
But what if you go a long weekend without diapers—in fact, without anything? Many parents have potty trained their kids by setting aside three days and keeping them bare-bottomed at home—no diapers or undies.
Yes, you’ll likely have a mess, but he learns the sensation of what happens when he poops on himself. And more importantly, that he has no other alternative than using the potty.
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2. You don’t have regularly scheduled potty trips
If you’ve ever wondered how many potty training accidents are normal, you’re not alone. But perhaps the problem could be alleviated if you regularly schedule trips to the potty throughout the day.
Routines and consistency help kids know what to expect and, more importantly, do things without too much resistance. When they’ve done the same things at roughly the same times for a while, they come to accept it as part of the norm.
The same is true with pooping on the potty. Make bathroom use a regular part of your child’s life.
Take him to sit either at set times of the day (for instance, at 12pm) or before or after regular parts of the day (like after every meal).
Set a timer for a few minutes each time (more on that next). He may not poop the first few times, but he can expect these scheduled potty trips as normal and routine.
3. Your child doesn’t have a time limit
Have you asked your 4 year old to “take your time” or “use as much time as you need”? You likely wanted to make sure she didn’t feel rushed or to reassure her that she could sit for as long as she needed to.
Unfortunately, “time” doesn’t always translate well. Sometimes the lack of constraints can make pooping on the potty even more overwhelming. She doesn’t know how long she’s supposed to sit or when enough time has passed before calling it quits.
Instead, give her a time limit. Set an alarm that she can hear for, say, 10 minutes. Ask her to sit for at least 10 minutes and see if anything comes out. That way, she doesn’t feel expected to sit all day long. She’s also more likely to agree to sit for that length of time knowing there’s an end in sight.
4. The environment isn’t set up for success
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It would drive me nuts when I’d catch my son sitting on the toilet seat with his hips leaning forward and his legs dangling below the seat. He’d claim that no poop was coming out, but in the position he was in, no wonder. That sitting position wasn’t exactly making it easy to poop.
Check to see if your 4 year old’s environment and pooping position is helping or preventing her from pooping.
Use a child-sized potty seat that attaches to your toilet so she can sit comfortably (instead of trying to balance on a regular toilet). Place a step stool in front of the toilet so her knees are higher than her hips (and so she can easily climb up and down on the seat).
You can also a floor potty chair not only for easy access but because it can be less intimidating than a regular toilet (and this automatically places her knees above her hips). If so, place a rug or towel on the floor so that, if she’s barefoot, her feet aren’t stepping on cold tile floor for a long time.
Expert tip
Our muscles need to feel relaxed to pass bowel movements. Any anxiety or expectations she might have of pooping on the potty can easily make her feel tense.
So, make sure she has something to distract her each time she sits. This might be books she can read or simple toys suitable for the bathroom (no stuffed animals!). Even playing a movie on your tablet nearby can take her mind off of pooping.
5. You’re focusing on this issue too much
Kids can sense what gets us riled up and can feel more anxious than had we not made such a big deal about it. And for some kids (like one of mine), the more fuss you make, the less likely they’ll comply.
Instead, make a point to “not care.” Be nonchalant when your 4 year old won’t poop on the potty and treat it matter-of-fact. Don’t let your emotions show through your facial expressions or the sighs you heave when he poops in his undies yet again. Instead, shrug your shoulders and pay it no mind.
The same goes for overpraising him. Yes, praise him when he poops, but keep it reasonable. If you do cartwheels and say “Good job!” a million times, he’ll likely sense the over-the-top reaction and retreat.
As most parents have said, potty training simply “made sense” for their kids once it was no longer an issue.
Conclusion
It can be challenging when your 4 year old won’t poop on the potty after all this time. But as you can see, a few simple changes can be all it takes to encourage her to do so. In my case, it turned out that the elusive “he’ll do it when he’s ready” advice is actually—even if annoyingly—true.
Get more tips:
- How to Overcome Your Child’s Potty Training Resistance
- When to Stop Potty Training and Wait
- How to Handle Potty Training Poop Anxiety
- 6 Signs Your Child Is Not Ready for Potty Training
- Potty Training in Three Days: A Step-by-Step Guide
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