6 Mistakes to Avoid when Socializing Your Child

Socializing your child with other kids and adults is important, but avoid these pitfalls during play dates and outings.

Socializing Your ChildI was bent on exposing my son to other kids, especially since he wasn’t able to on a daily basis. He also didn’t have siblings at home to play with yet. And I wanted him to develop social skills from the start and learn to engage with his peers.

This continued in his toddler years where I sought play dates at the park and mommy groups. As much as I wanted him to develop a strong attachment to his parents, I still understood the importance of social behavior with other kids.

Most of these play dates and social interactions turned out well. But from time to time, I picked up a few common mistakes that fellow parents and I were making during these gatherings. I also learned that socializing little kids doesn’t have to be complicated, nor should it be a source of headache for anyone.

See if you’re guilty of the following mistakes when socializing your child with others:

1. Hanging out only in big groups

Big groups aren’t always ideal for socializing since they can feel overstimulating to some kids. If you suspect that your child gets overwhelmed with too many people he’s not familiar with, stick to smaller groups.

Aim for one-on-one play dates, which still allow him to engage with others, but on a much smaller scale. If you’re in a mommy group, invite one mom for a get together, perhaps a child with a similar temperament as your own child’s.

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2. Forgetting that your child might be too young

We forget that socializing looks different for kids than it does for adults, especially young toddlers. At two- or three-years-old, many don’t show empathy yet, interact with one another, or pick up social cues.

Instead, young kids can engage in “parallel play.” According to Brightwheel:

“Parallel play involves two or more children playing side-by-side without interacting. Children may observe other children in the playground or mimic their actions. Parallel play is common among children who haven’t developed body awareness and social interaction skills.”

Don’t expect your young child to play with toys or laugh and share with a playmate all the time. These may be unfair expectations during this stage. Instead, expect him to mostly play on his own or, at best, mirror and play side-by-side with another child.

3. Expecting your child to be extroverted

We tend to express a bias toward extroverted people. But according to Forbes, up to one-third to one-half of the U.S. population are introverted and would much rather work alone or in smaller groups. They prefer to listen and observe and can take a longer time to warm up to strangers.

The same is true with kids.

Don’t feel like your child isn’t social enough when he isn’t as extroverted as another child in a playgroup. He can develop his own way of playing and engaging with his peers that still aligns with his temperament.

4. Exposing your child to too much

We forget that daily life can include new experiences for kids. For those who don’t enjoy overstimulation, too much exposure too quickly can upset them.

Instead, introduce new situations and places gradually. While you shouldn’t shield your child from difficult emotions, consider her temperament as well. Be patient when she doesn’t take to what other kids usually like. And stick to low-key experiences until she grows accustomed to them.

5. Pushing your child when they’re not interested

Want to get your child interested in an activity or event? Encourage but don’t push him. He may not feel comfortable if he senses your anxiety or feels pressured to socialize with others. It’s really okay if he’s not interested in what the other kids in the playgroup are doing.

And honor his decision when he says “no” to an activity. Don’t force him to go down the slide with the other kids, especially after he has said he doesn’t want to. By honoring his word, you let him know that others should listen to his boundaries when he says “no” or “stop.”

6. Expressing disappointment

It’s normal to feel disappointed if your expectations aren’t met. Maybe your child threw a tantrum at the park or she snatched a toy from another child.

Use this as an opportunity to talk about what happened. You might say, “You didn’t like it when the other child used the toy you were playing with. But we don’t grab—you wouldn’t like it if she did that to you. Next time, you can tell her ‘Stop’ or come get me.”

She’ll realize that you’re on her side despite what happened. She has her whole childhood to develop friendships—one play date gone wrong isn’t a sign that she can never make friends.

Conclusion

Social development looks different for all kids, and what may worry you now will more than likely turn out all right in the end. By avoiding these mistakes, you can help your little one better thrive in social settings at a comfortable pace that’s just right for him.

Hang out in smaller groups if you suspect he gets overwhelmed by crowds. Keep your outings age-appropriate, especially for younger children. Remember that not all kids are extroverted, while others might feel overstimulated if exposed to too many new environments and people.

Don’t push your child if he’s not interested, and avoid showing disappointment if he doesn’t meet your expectations.

Meeting social milestones is crucial for all kids, but it doesn’t take much to expose your child to others, either. Sometimes, a simple one-on-one play date can be all it takes.

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2 Comments

  1. We are enrolling my son in activities like gymnastics with children his age. But he wants nothing to do with the class. As soon as class is over he runs and plays with the toys. But how do I encourage him without giving him social anxiety? Will he get through this on his own? Hoping for a way to help him without forcing him. Thank you!

    1. Nina Garcia says:

      It can definitely feel worrisome when our kids don’t seem to enjoy social settings in ways we hope. I still remember the first time I did a free trial of a gym class and my then toddler wanted nothing to do with it. He was more about exploring on his own instead of being on the class agenda.

      It’s certainly worth keeping a note of and mentioning to your pediatrician, especially since she can see him in action and let you know whether there’s cause for concern. But in the meantime, see if he’ll take simple social settings, like a playdate with one other child, or hanging out at the park where other children are. A structured class may be too much right now, especially if there’s a “curriculum” or a time to get there by. But a simple social hang out can help ease him in. At this page, they’re also less about playing with each other as it is more about getting them used to having other people around them.