Struggling to enjoy motherhood? Parenting stress can make your day ten times worse than it needs to be. Learn how to stop feeling like a stressed mom and be more carefree.
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There’s something about stress that makes your day ten times worse than it needs to be.
This week, I drove to the library to drop off overdue only to find that it’s closed. Great, I thought. Now I have to go back another day. I just wasted 20 minutes driving here for nothing. I’m so disorganized.
Then it filters to the rest of my day. I got frustrated with my kindergartener when we had to walk back to his classroom for a forgotten lunch bag. This extra time only made us even later to pick up my two-year-old twins from preschool.
I found myself racing through traffic, trying to beat the clock. We finally arrive at the preschool, just to have one of my twins refuse to sit in the car seat.
And this is what our patience is up against. No wonder we lose it so quickly.
How to enjoy motherhood
But then I wondered, what if I treat these incidents like it’s no big deal?
What if, instead of stressing about a forgotten lunch bag, we say, We’ll use a different bag tomorrow.
What if, instead of racing through traffic, we say, We’re already late. What’s another five minutes?
What if, instead of flipping out about library books we didn’t return, we think, I’ll go back tomorrow. It’s really no big deal.
I’ve learned how quickly a hassle can escalate into the rest of your day. It’s tough turning a bad day around. That’s why it’s so important to be more carefree about these hassles.
Because they’re just that—hassles. Another five minutes out of your day. Another task to add to your to-do list. But at least that’s it. And they’re gone the next day, if not sooner.
Let’s say you come home to a pile of dishes that’s been sitting in the sink since breakfast. Instead of heaving a sigh of frustration, what if we just say, It’s there, we’ll deal with it at some point.
Or, say your baby didn’t take a nap, even after rocking, swinging or pushing him in a stroller. If you’re like me, your baby napping or not has been the defining factor of your day. And I get it—it’s frustrating rocking a baby to sleep for an hour and he doesn’t end up sleeping.
But how much different our outlook would be if we accepted it. If we remembered all the other times he did nap.
(Take a look at this video where I share 3 not-so-obvious reasons you’re not enjoying motherhood:)
The other day, one of my twins wanted to use his toothbrush cup to spit water, just for fun. The kid just wanted to practice sloshing water in his mouth and spitting it out in the sink. I was about to say no, but then I thought, what’s the big deal? So he’s spitting from a cup even if it’s not time to brush his teeth yet.
Another time, his twin brother wanted to glue bits to a paper, an activity he hadn’t done in the past. Again, I was about to say no, but I asked myself why and realized I assumed he’d make a mess. I didn’t see the moment as a learning opportunity for him to apply glue and tinker with paper. And I was starting to feel a bit too uptight for my own good.
I’ll admit that the little stresses are my triggers. Being late, kids whining or disobeying on purpose—things that can set me off.
But I’ve learned the power of letting it be. How to be more carefree, and not so uptight all the time.
This isn’t a call to be permissive. Kids still have responsibilities, but only where it matters most. Hitting one another and tearing pages out of books need your attention. An upturned chair or wanting to spit out of a cup, no.
Instead, let’s focus on enjoying being a parent. We forget to do that sometimes. We’re home alone with them all afternoon and deal with their tantrums and messes.
But let’s not forget how much fun kids are, too. If we let loose, let our kids be, we remember how awesome hanging out with them is.
If you feel stressed, annoyed or angry over something trivial, try a tactic that just might work: Relax, and be more carefree.
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Get more tips about parenting:
- THIS Is Why Your Child Is Testing You
- These Are the Things Your Kids Will Remember About You
- 5 Maya Angelou Quotes that Can Teach Us about Parenthood
- On Choosing to Turn a Bad Parenting Day into a Good One
Your turn: What’s a recent incident where you felt you were too uptight or stressed? What’s your top tip to enjoy motherhood?
Rebecca says
November 10, 2015 at 6:44 amWow, timely post. Yesterday, I dragged my baby , pre-k’er and first grader to the clinic after school, only to find out they were out of vaccines. We rushed, because there was little time between the time they get off the bus to the time the clinic closes. I used those exact words in the car on the way back “I just wasted X minutes!” (and added that we were unnecessarily exposed to clinic germs!) But you know what? The kids were excited that when we go back, I’ll pick them up right at school instead of waiting for them at the bus stop, to save time.
Nina says
November 10, 2015 at 7:23 pmHaha oh man Rebecca it’s comical now when we look back on our hassles but in that moment it’s such a pain in the butt! I would totally be so peeved too. But your kids seem to have had such a great attitude about it (love when kids are more ‘mature’ than us sometimes!).
Steph says
November 10, 2015 at 9:54 amYeah, the little things get to me as well. The other day I was told by the cashier at the checkout that my debit card had expired. I had to leave my cart full of food, run home, and grab my new one (that thankfully my husband was able to activate while I drove home). I was tempted to let the embarrassing and inconvenient incident ruin my whole day, but I managed to reel myself in and remind myself it’s not a big deal in the grand scheme of things.
Nina says
November 10, 2015 at 7:33 pmOh man what a hassle Steph! Thankfully it worked out, but yeah, those are definitely inconvenient. It’s great though that you were able to remind yourself how small it is in the bigger picture.
Raki (Outside the Box Mom) says
November 10, 2015 at 10:13 amWhat a difference perspective can make. Just last night after dinner, I was looking forward to a few relaxing moments, alone. Then, my five year old burst into my room, climbed on my bed, and asked me to watch a TV show with her.
Normally, I would say, let’s do it later, Mommy needs a few minutes to myself. This time, I said yes. She was so happy. We snuggled under the blanket and watched a show I can’t even remember. But, I do remember how tightly she hugged me and how she told me that she loved me.
The remainder of the night went very smoothly and I was able to have some time to myself after she fell asleep. It all worked out in the end.
Nina says
November 10, 2015 at 7:35 pmIsn’t it amazing when we say ‘yes’ more often to our kids? Plus, you could’ve easily looked at the situation with a negative viewpoint, but you chose instead to see it for the positive that it is. What a great evening Raki 🙂
Tamara says
November 10, 2015 at 1:13 pmI’m pretty horrible about hassles so this rings true to me. Our town had bad construction going on for.. literally six weeks. And it was no less annoying each time and my kids had to hear me. I wish I could have been more carefree more often, and just went a different way to school or something! (although the construction was so bad that good chances were that each was was a hassle)
Nina says
November 10, 2015 at 7:37 pmHaha Tamara I am the WORST with traffic! I seriously don’t think I could last with an hour-long commute like many Angelenos do. Construction would drive me nuts, and I will go out of my way to map out a different route just to avoid that hassle!
Mrs. AOK says
November 11, 2015 at 7:02 amI’m getting so much better at this, is it okay to toot my own horn here? 🙂
I’m trying to get everyone here in my home on the same page. Little things are just that little things, they won’t ruin my day, I can’t let them.
My husband and I no longer rush in traffic, because this dawned on me one day I don’t want to die in a rush. When you’re rushing you’re not fully coherent, there’s careless driving, your mind is on where you’re supposed to be, and that’s terribly unsafe. If we’re late we’re late, it’s certainly nothing to die over or have anyone hurt over.
Great post as usual, Nina!
xoxo
Nina says
November 11, 2015 at 9:13 pmToot away Dean! You are so right—that would be so sad to die because you were rushing through traffic. I think something similar, where I’d think how terrible if I were to hurt someone or run someone over. All for what? Totally not something worth it.
Rabia @TheLiebers says
November 13, 2015 at 1:36 pmGreat post! I try to do this in my daily life as well. There are so many things that just aren’t as big of a deal as we make them!
Nina says
November 15, 2015 at 10:21 amSo awesome Rabia!
Leslie says
November 16, 2015 at 7:52 amAdmittedly, I actually read this post a couple days ago, but didn’t have time to respond just then. But it’s a good thing, because I took your advice last night! There’s always so much prep that needs to be done o Sundays, and I try to get the kids to bed a little early that night, too. But instead of freaking out over all the dishes (lots and lots of dishes) we set up a fire in the fire pit and enjoyed just hanging out and singing silly songs for a while. It was a precious family moment. Thanks for reminding us to ease up a little on ourselves and everyone around us!
Nina says
November 16, 2015 at 7:38 pmHa! Leslie it was fate you didn’t comment the first time around 😉 I had a similar moment this afternoon. As usual, we came home from school to a pile of dishes in the sink (what is it with dishes that drive us crazy?!). But same thing—I was sort of like, Okay well we’ll just use other dishes for your snacks, and I’ll wash them in a bit. The rest of the day went so much smoother!
So glad the post resonated with you. That means a lot!
Betsy at Parenting is Funny says
November 17, 2015 at 1:09 pmI have to remind myself frequently to just chill–everything will be okay. And in the long run, who will remember this minor frustration that’s happening right now? Take the long view. Be calm. It’s better for your health!
Also, doesn’t the library have a drop box? If not, talk to the manager!
Nina says
November 17, 2015 at 10:05 pmExactly, Betsy. Oops the library did have a drop box, but I forgot to mention I also needed to pick up books, too.
Rea says
November 21, 2015 at 7:01 amI can relate so much with this post. I’m irked with every single mess we have at home or I used to be.. like your example, dishes sitting on the sink like forever. I’ve learned to let it go and just tackle them once I have rested for a couple of hours. I realize our house will never be completely clean with a kid around. I agree, small things that don’t cause danger don’t have to ruin our day.
Nina says
November 21, 2015 at 8:56 pmIsn’t it crazy how the little things can get to us? I’ve been so much better about reacting to the dishes once I realized it was inciting such a reaction from me. Almost like the act of recognizing the problem helped me see it whenever it happened before I had time to react.
Seana Turner says
February 1, 2016 at 1:45 pmIt can be hard to unplug and enjoy the moment when you are staring at “fires” all over the house. Sometimes the most wonderful parenting moments were the unplanned, when something beautiful happened and I was able to just soak it in. Life moves along so fast, but the moments are why we do all we do, so great ideas for trying to slow and savor.
Nina Garcia says
February 1, 2016 at 9:36 pmThanks, Seana. Yes it’s so easy to get caught up in life’s stresses that we realize they’re more than likely small petty things.
A I says
February 16, 2017 at 11:54 amYou nailed how I feel on the little things that stress me out and take me over the edge.
Nina Garcia says
February 16, 2017 at 7:43 pmYou are definitely not alone 🙂 Hopefully the article resonated and can help stop feeling stressed about the little things.
Sharon Buenaseda says
February 21, 2017 at 3:33 amThank you
Nina Garcia says
February 21, 2017 at 8:07 amYou’re welcome, Sharon 🙂
Amelia says
March 2, 2017 at 6:12 amYou have opened my eyes! I stress a lot and i have a bit of OCD. Thank you from a mother of 3 🙂
Nina Garcia says
March 2, 2017 at 6:29 amI’m so glad to hear that, Amelia! I can totally relate 🙂
Carole says
March 5, 2017 at 7:05 amI’m a bit older than you, so I’ve been through it! I always called it choosing your battles. Letting small annoyances roll off your back will greatly reduce your stress levels and the tension in the home overall.
The other thing you have to think about is that kids tune out parents who are always yelling. Save yelling for when it really is important. Then when you do yell, they know you mean business.
Nina Garcia says
March 5, 2017 at 12:20 pmWise words, Carole! It’s so important to pick our battles. This helps so much, especially when you take a step back and see how petty it really is.