Why Dads Should Wake Up for Night Feeds
If your baby wakes up throughout the night to feed, should your partner get up as well if you’re breastfeeding, or if he works the next day and you don’t? In this article, I’ll share 3 compelling reasons why dads should wake up for night feeds and how your family can make this work for everyone.
The lack of sleep during the newborn months is enough to make any sleep-deprived mom feel alone and isolated, despite having a partner on hand.
Maybe your husband doesn’t help with the baby because he works the next day. Perhaps he feels like he should sleep through the night while you wake up with the baby. He may feel especially justified if you breastfeed (since he can’t bottle-feed the baby anyway) or if you stay at home.
But as a breastfeeding mom, I still benefited from having my husband wake up for night feeds. Yep, even though he had to work the next day and I didn’t. Take a look at these compelling reasons why:
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1. You develop a deeper sense of teamwork
Being new parents is challenging enough as it is—feeling like you’re on your own makes it even worse. Because sometimes, you just can’t do it all yourself. Worse, you’re not enjoying motherhood the way you thought you would.
One thing that can boost your morale? Having your partner’s support, particularly when you work as a team.
You may be the only one who can breastfeed the baby, but it’s because of that reason that you may need more support than ever. It’s not easy being isolated with the baby for several minutes at a time throughout the day and night.
By waking up alongside you, your partner can take action in ways he can so that all the burden doesn’t always fall on you. What are a few ways he can show up? He can:
- Be the one to get the baby when she cries
- Change the baby’s diapers
- Swaddle the baby
- Burp the baby after she’s done feeding
- Put the baby back down in the baby
- Soothe baby when she’s inconsolable
- Research tips to calm the baby
You truly can work as a team, doing what each of you can. Every little bit can help, if only to make a sleepless night feel less isolating, especially when you have each other.
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2. Dad is more involved
The more opportunities your partner has to be with the baby, the more he’ll learn about his child and better bond with her. Being involved during nighttime duties is no exception.
For instance, he’ll learn which pacifier the baby likes, that she sleeps with a certain swaddle, or that holding her against his chest calms her down. He won’t know any of these if he doesn’t have the opportunity to discover them for himself.
And if the baby only wants mom, then that’s even more reason to get involved. Passing her onto you because you know how to soothe her better denies him the chance to learn what you had to learn.
He’s on the same team and doing similar work, instead of always having to ask you where you keep the burp cloths or which pajamas to put on the baby. You won’t feel like you’re constantly delegating instructions because he knows just as much about the baby’s needs.
You have an equal co-parent who can brainstorm how to soothe a fussy baby in the middle of the night or pull his weight with changing diapers. In other words, you’re in this together.
3. Staying home with the baby is hard work
It’s easy for stay-at-home parents to feel unappreciated because they’re “just at home.”
And I get it. Your partner needs to be at work by a certain time while you’re home with the baby (and could potentially rest as well). Still, I’m sure we can all agree that parenting is harder than many typical jobs, what with its difficult and stressful responsibilities. Even if unpaid, it’s still a job.
For dad to be able to sleep through the night signals that his job is more important than yours, which may not be necessarily true.
Now, there will be some exceptions. Some jobs need to be done on a full night of sleep for safety’s sake. Perhaps your partner needs to perform well at work just to keep his job. And maybe you can function better with five hours of sleep than your partner, who needs a full eight.
But often, caring for the baby is just as difficult, if not more so, than a typical day job. For dad to wake up for night feeds shows that both your jobs—paid or unpaid—are important to the family.
Frequently asked questions
Yes! Sharing night feed duties doesn’t always have to be both parents waking up each time the baby cries. Both of you can still get a little break and support each other.
For instance, you can handle feedings one night while he does the next (if you breastfeed, you may need to pump and store the milk). You can also take shifts—one handles the 9pm to 3am night shift while the other does the 3am to 9am morning shift.
If waking up for nighttime feedings isn’t an option, there are still other ways he can get involved. For instance, he can handle the baby’s baths or prepare the family’s meals. Perhaps he can bottle-feed during the day or handle nighttime feedings on weekends.
The bottom line
Even if you breastfeed and stay home with the baby while your partner works, there are still many benefits for dad to wake up for nighttime feedings. And with the tips you learned, you’ll soon feel like you’re part of a team—especially with your partner on hand.
Get more tips:
- How to Burp a Baby That Is Hard to Burp
- Is Burping a Newborn After Breastfeeding Necessary?
- Breastfeeding Motivation to Keep You Going
- 11 Ways to Cope with Newborn Sleep Deprivation
- How to Involve Dads at Home
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