Are you having twins and scared about it? Here’s my honest journey about hearing the news that I was expecting twins and overcoming my fears and anxieties.
I watched the monitor as my doctor performed the sonogram. “Well, I have good news…” she began, “…and even better news.” Right away, I saw the two blobs on the screen. I knew before she even uttered the T-word that I was carrying two babies.
She congratulated me on the surprising news. Meanwhile, I plastered on a fake smile because deep down, the news scared me out of my mind.
My husband, on the other hand, was ecstatic. Even when I was pregnant with my older child, he had already been hoping for twins. “Why?!” I asked him. “Twins mean double the work, double the costs, and double the trouble.”
For the most part I was right.
I had two newborns who didn’t sleep through the night. Two toddlers with separation anxiety, bath time fears, determined defiance, and tantrums.
Any parent of twins will tell you that twins are more work than a singleton. Before being a twin parent myself, I once approached a father of twins at the park and said, “Wow, you must have double the work of a single child.” And he responded, “Not double—quadruple!” I believed him instantly.
And did I mention that I already had a toddler? I would’ve been more okay if my first pregnancy resulted in twins—we could’ve been done in one swipe. But nope, we got twins while raising a toddler as well.
When you’re having twins and scared about it
Carrying twins had its own set of risks to myself and the babies. As a twin mom, I automatically had a high-risk pregnancy for carrying multiples. I…
- Needed to check in with my doctor more often.
- Was more likely to develop complications like preeclampsia and gestational diabetes.
- Felt more fatigued. I already felt a difference at seven weeks pregnant with twins compared to seven weeks with my first.
- Worried that the babies were at higher risk for being born prematurely, bringing more complications.
- Couldn’t travel.
- Needed to rest more than my previous pregnancy.
But perhaps the biggest challenge was that a twin pregnancy went against my plans. Yup, I actually planned, even with something as unpredictable as kids. I wanted two and no more—just one more sibling for my little guy to be a big brother to.
Now we’re a family of five—not what I planned for (insert fist shaking at the sky).
I also worried about my toddler—how would he react? Would he feel excluded? I was already leafing through advice on how to introduce a new baby to your child. Would it be worse with two babies?
At one point, I picked him up after work and couldn’t help but think, You have no idea what’s in store for you. I wanted to protect him from the vast changes about to happen to him, changes he didn’t ask for.
So yes, I was scared about having twins.
I knew others had done it before, clearly. My good friend is a twin herself, and she and her sister share a special bond that only twins will have.
I even hoped my little guy might prove me wrong and be the most compliant toddler. The best big-brother helper in the world, despite two crying babies. And for all I knew, my twin pregnancy would go just as smooth and complication-free as my first.
With the doctor and nurses congratulating me, I felt embarrassed and guilty for not jumping with joy. I should’ve been happy I was having twins, but I wasn’t. Not exactly.
Instead, I felt scared. I knew how ungrateful I sounded, considering how many families are trying to conceive even just one—and there I was complaining about two. Still, those were my honest, initial emotions, and I won’t lie.
As I say in my book, Expecting Twins:
“Where you are now is still so far away from when your twins will be born. Everything seems overwhelming when you’re staring at the finish line from the starting line. When you have a long list of things you still haven’t done but somehow have to complete before the twins arrive.
My advice? Take action on only the things you can do within the next three months, at the most. Yes, have big-picture goals, such as saving for a new van or thinking about maternity leave, but don’t plan to do anything tangible with anything you can’t do anything about within the next three months.”
Much has transpired with my fears and anxiety from that seven weeks mark. Still, I wanted to capture my emotions to reassure you that you’re not alone.
Even better, I got through it.
The first few months were rough, but having had a first child, I knew the challenges were temporary. My life became the normal we had before the twins were born.
Twin life turned out to be a blessing. Double the trouble meant double the love, double the family memories, and double the lessons I learned from these two babies, these twins of mine.
You’re not alone
If you can relate, rest assured, you’re not alone. It seems this article has touched a chord with others, including this fellow mom:
“Nina- thank you so much for writing this. We found out this week that I am expecting twins, and we similarly just wanted ONE sibling for my daughter (they would be spaced 21 months apart if full term). Since the ultrasound I think I have run out of tears. Great to hear all is well in your life now- I pray I get there one day.” -Erika
Get more tips:
- How to Prepare for Twins (The 7 Areas You Need to Cover)
- When Does Caring for Twins Get Easier?
- Twin Baby Registry Must-Haves
- Beat the High Cost of Twins Using These Sneaky Ways
- Having Twins? Here’s What You Have to Do:
Want to make sure you get everything you need done for your twin pregnancy? Join my newsletter and get my Twin Pregnancy Checklist! Now you’ll know which tasks you need to take care of before the twins arrive. Download it below—at no cost to you: